[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Snoofman]

TY for the analysis of Tom Bombadil.
Very interesting, and quite some astute observations and conclusions.

Would have to re-read the passages to see.

AFAIRemember, Tolkien never intended Tom Bombadil to be "evil", just a merry out-of-place character, like many old tales have something out of place in their tale.
Something actually better suited for the There And Back Again story, but hey. There are more than a few inconsistencies in the universe created by JRR Tolkien. It's his story. I can ignore what I don't like.
Ultimately, TBombadil doesn't have much influence on the story. Just showing that long travels were rich with perils before the state powers secured the roads with the money collected from taxes.

I myself only read the Return of the King and so don’t know much about Bombadil. What I can say is that inserting new/random characters is a make-it or break-it deal. How well they are received depends entirely on the taste (and quite possibly mood) of the audience. And what purpose it serves the story.

Another example is in the book, Return of the King, There is a scene in which King Theon employs the help of the Woodsmen. If I remember correctly, the Woodsmen seem to guide the Horsemen for a brief period before disappearing into the wilderness never to be seen again. All before the great battle of Minas Tirith. Which I personally found to be anti-climatic. Did they play a pivotal role in the tale? Or was their presence superfluous in the story?

As for inconsistencies, it’s bound to be inevitable. I guess that’s the trick about writing a good story/universe; you can proofread but at the expense of time and energy. Stress too much and you’ll never get your work published.

[Snoofman]

I can’t wait to see what ‘surprise’ the humans have for the Umiak commander. Also an interesting take on the Umiak’s perspective.

[Cthulhu]

I can’t wait to see what ‘surprise’ the humans have for the Umiak commander. Also an interesting take on the Umiak’s perspective.

The surprise is just Alex' attempt at providing a distraction. Will it work?

As for inconsistencies, it’s bound to be inevitable. I guess that’s the trick about writing a good story/universe; you can proofread but at the expense of time and energy. Stress too much and you’ll never get your work published.

I have designed a timetable of sorts, how much can be spent on writing, proofreading etc. It somehow even works, albeit barely. Well, once I win the lottery, I can concentrate on writing full-time. Or maybe I'll create my own elf harem instead.

[Snoofman]

I can’t wait to see what ‘surprise’ the humans have for the Umiak commander. Also an interesting take on the Umiak’s perspective.

The surprise is just Alex' attempt at providing a distraction. Will it work?

As for inconsistencies, it’s bound to be inevitable. I guess that’s the trick about writing a good story/universe; you can proofread but at the expense of time and energy. Stress too much and you’ll never get your work published.

I have designed a timetable of sorts, how much can be spent on writing, proofreading etc. It somehow even works, albeit barely. Well, once I win the lottery, I can concentrate on writing full-time. Or maybe I'll create my own elf harem instead.

Bow-chicka-honk-honk

[Tamri]

It was good, but I have exactly one question.

What is the point in visual disguise if the weight and size characteristics, the EM picture and the engine handwriting have not changed? From a distance of a light hour, no optics will show you a detailed appearance of the ship, if it is not the Death Star, which means that there is no point in any change in appearance. The difference in reflectivity is trifles, ships at cosmic distances are identified by completely different parameters that Charon is not able to change.

Unless those attacking Azimol's umiak don't have Charon's signature, which those who saw him last time should have received. But in any case, inconsistencies will be revealed as soon as the forward fleet exchanges data with its neighbors...

[Cthulhu]

It was good, but I have exactly one question.

What is the point in visual disguise if the weight and size characteristics, the EM picture and the engine handwriting have not changed? From a distance of a light hour, no optics will show you a detailed appearance of the ship, if it is not the Death Star, which means that there is no point in any change in appearance. The difference in reflectivity is trifles, ships at cosmic distances are identified by completely different parameters that Charon is not able to change.

Unless those attacking Azimol's umiak don't have Charon's signature, which those who saw him last time should have received. But in any case, inconsistencies will be revealed as soon as the forward fleet exchanges data with its neighbors...

No, it is the same fleet that already had met the Charon. However, there are a number of factors:
1. The ship has a reactionless drive, which means that there is no visible drive signature. This engine class works (presumably) by shaping and redirecting inertia. That is also probably one of the reasons why the Loroi couldn't copy the Historian drives or even understand what they do.
2. Previously, they also did not use that one, but a different means of propulsion instead.
3. Alex tries to sound like "both" ships belong to the same group or species, just different factions thereof.
4. Finally, they could've used other means to change various external parameters, but why should they explain that? It's classified, probably.

[Krulle]

3. Alex tries to sound like "both" ships belong to the same group or species, just different factions thereof.

Day-shift and Night-shift as commanders on the same vessel...
Ugh.

I like the references to MoO and UQM/SC2. But that may be my personal very fond memories of both.

[Cthulhu]

Day-shift and Night-shift as commanders on the same vessel...

Huh?

I like the references to MoO and UQM/SC2. But that may be my personal very fond memories of both.

Somehow, the Utwig were too wimpy, fatalistic and self-deprecating for a supposedly advanced race. So, instead of the Ultron, I gave them the much-needed backbone.

[Snoofman]

Day-shift and Night-shift as commanders on the same vessel...

Huh?

I like the references to MoO and UQM/SC2. But that may be my personal very fond memories of both.

Somehow, the Utwig were too wimpy, fatalistic and self-deprecating for a supposedly advanced race. So, instead of the Ultron, I gave them the much-needed backbone.

For a diehard MoO fan, that might be blasphemy. For a fanfic writer, I call that creative thinking. Excellent chapter.

I can almost picture some loroi and humans snickering in the background while the Umiak commander is being fooled, thinking: “Man you bugs are so stupid! ”

[Krulle]

Day-shift and Night-shift as commanders on the same vessel...

Huh?

Well, if I remember correctly, in Star Trek [*], there was a group of aliens, who evolved on the same planet, one being night-active, the other day-active.
They translated this into their space faring age by having different crews active at night and day, with extremely different personalities.
And the Federation had some issues in dealing with them, because one group said YES, and the other (after shift change) said "We don't know about that, but we could say yes if this (and that) was added...", and while the diplomats were busy rearranging this and that, the shift changed again, and the changes were being objected to.

So Darlok at "night shift", and Utwig at "day shift".
Still same ship, same crew, but different personalities, and resulting activities and behaviour.

([*] but maybe I misremember, and it was not StarTrek, but I read it in one of the many SciFi books I read during my nearly half-century of being alive.)

[Cthulhu]

For a diehard MoO fan, that might be blasphemy. For a fanfic writer, I call that creative thinking. Excellent chapter.

I can almost picture some loroi and humans snickering in the background while the Umiak commander is being fooled, thinking: “Man you bugs are so stupid! ”

Thanks for the praise! Anyway, the bugs might not be awfully creative, but they are certainly very industrious and pedantic.

Well, if I remember correctly, in Star Trek [*], there was a group of aliens, who evolved on the same planet, one being night-active, the other day-active.
They translated this into their space faring age by having different crews active at night and day, with extremely different personalities.
And the Federation had some issues in dealing with them, because one group said YES, and the other (after shift change) said "We don't know about that, but we could say yes if this (and that) was added...", and while the diplomats were busy rearranging this and that, the shift changed again, and the changes were being objected to.

So Darlok at "night shift", and Utwig at "day shift".
Still same ship, same crew, but different personalities, and resulting activities and behaviour.

([*] but maybe I misremember, and it was not StarTrek, but I read it in one of the many SciFi books I read during my nearly half-century of being alive.)

That just sounds like the Seelie and Unseelie court dualism from various Fay/elvish stories.

[gigachad]

Hi! you write really good, probably someone asked this question but are there any weapons on the ship of human?

[Cthulhu]

Hi! you write really good, probably someone asked this question but are there any weapons on the ship of human?

Thanks, but I'm still far from being very good, and that's why I'm writing this fanfic as an exercise.

Chapter VII: Revelations:

... “What is a plasma bolt?”

The image changed to show the Charon, then zoomed in on its upper part. The bulb at the top of the discus-shaped hull opened a gun port, outing itself as a huge turret. The technician asked: “You also use plasma weaponry, right?”

“Indeed, we use a pulse cannon that sends pulses of plasma on a carrier wave.” explained Emberwing, omitting the fact that this was a dumbed down version of the superior Historian plasma array.

The Engineer snapped his fingers, “An ingenious approach at overcoming the focusing problems! Instead, we went on the roundabout way of pulsing the carrier wave itself first. This proved to be utterly inefficient until we learned how to create a self-containing bolt of energy, compressing the plasma discharge into a single burst.” ...

The Charon is discus-shaped, so it should have two of such cannons. There could be some additional weapons as well, but they weren't mentioned yet, and the vessel wasn't meant to be a warship, anyway.

[Bamax]

Emberwing was a bit more amusing and came off more as an actual character than merely an observer through which the story flows.

'Whose side are you on?' made me nearly laugh out loud, and Fireblade's reaction to the nightmare was also funny.

If there is one trait Emberwing seems to show it's pride in her race.... to a fault even.

Her greatest strength could be her greatedt flaw if she refuses to see the truth because of it. Reminds of Beryl not wanting to believe or or hear what the Umiak commander said from Alex.... though she also admitted that she had anixiety because if the Umiak was telling the truth they would be in danger.

Tempo was being classic... a deceptive Mizol.

I guess during war time any of the telepathic measures taken by Loroi are NOT considered terrorism.

So Tempo did not lie.... but neither did she admit that Loroi both can and do deal plenty of damage to enemies or rivals through their telepathic and telekinetic powers.

[Cthulhu]

Emberwing was a bit more amusing and came off more as an actual character than merely an observer through which the story flows.

'Whose side are you on?' made me nearly laugh out loud, and Fireblade's reaction to the nightmare was also funny.

Thanks, I'll try and improve her character interactions some more.

If there is one trait Emberwing seems to show it's pride in her race.... to a fault even.
Her greatest strength could be her greatedt flaw if she refuses to see the truth because of it. Reminds of Beryl not wanting to believe or or hear what the Umiak commander said from Alex.... though she also admitted that she had anixiety because if the Umiak was telling the truth they would be in danger.

That requires strength of character, and it usually comes with experience. Beryl and Emberwing are both young, yet they were born during the war and already fought for quite some time. A certain level of strength should be assumed, and besides, they had no time to develop that "youthful naivety" which Tempo once mused about.

Tempo was being classic... a deceptive Mizol.

I guess during war time any of the telepathic measures taken by Loroi are NOT considered terrorism.

So Tempo did not lie.... but neither did she admit that Loroi both can and do deal plenty of damage to enemies or rivals through their telepathic and telekinetic powers.

Well, that is quite the guess game. Are the Loroi even able to conduct something that could qualify to be called mind-terror? Is that just Hierarchy propaganda? Maybe that's how the Umiak actually perceive the Union's political structure? Or was the commander referring to something else entirely?

[Bamax]

Tempo mentioned that she feared the end of youthful courage if I recall correctly in the comic, and added that she knew what that looked like.

Perhaps she meant the genocidal acts the Loroi had taken and received bad publicity for.

Fear can cause all types of atrocities.

[Cthulhu]

Tempo mentioned that she feared the end of youthful courage if I recall correctly in the comic, and added that she knew what that looked like.

Perhaps she meant the genocidal acts the Loroi had taken and received bad publicity for.

Fear can cause all types of atrocities.

I think that she meant how the pre-war Loroi felt about themselves. Proud, invincible, prosperous, and then, all that "naive courage" was ground down in the horrors of this lengthy war.

[Snoofman]

The chase is on! The stakes are high! And it almost sounds like the loroi are becoming more suspicious of the humans due to their obsession with using illusionary deception, even if it is against their Hierarchy enemies. The humans needs to tread carefully. Too much of these fantastic, illusionary, deceptive tactics, and they might give the loroi less reason to trust them. Then again I'm sure the humans are struggling to ascertain just how trustworthy the loroi warriors are as well.

[Bamax]

Emberwing was a bit more amusing and came off more as an actual character than merely an observer through which the story flows.

'Whose side are you on?' made me nearly laugh out loud, and Fireblade's reaction to the nightmare was also funny.

Thanks, I'll try and improve her character interactions some more.

If there is one trait Emberwing seems to show it's pride in her race.... to a fault even.
Her greatest strength could be her greatedt flaw if she refuses to see the truth because of it. Reminds of Beryl not wanting to believe or or hear what the Umiak commander said from Alex.... though she also admitted that she had anixiety because if the Umiak was telling the truth they would be in danger.

That requires strength of character, and it usually comes with experience. Beryl and Emberwing are both young, yet they were born during the war and already fought for quite some time. A certain level of strength should be assumed, and besides, they had no time to develop that "youthful naivety" which Tempo once mused about.

Tempo was being classic... a deceptive Mizol.

I guess during war time any of the telepathic measures taken by Loroi are NOT considered terrorism.

So Tempo did not lie.... but neither did she admit that Loroi both can and do deal plenty of damage to enemies or rivals through their telepathic and telekinetic powers.

Well, that is quite the guess game. Are the Loroi even able to conduct something that could qualify to be called mind-terror? Is that just Hierarchy propaganda? Maybe that's how the Umiak actually perceive the Union's political structure? Or was the commander referring to something else entirely?

To be sure.... Emberwing still has a way to go before she is as much a character as any of stock ones.

Even so, what made her seem like more of one was that that she was not merely thinking but actually doing.

The quick reflex to hit her wrist button for communication only to realize it was just decoration built into her unform by the humans was a nice touch.

As per the usual Emberwing had to bath... but t least she only said it and I did not have to read something like, "Emberwing took her bath, got out, and went to sleep" again.

[Cthulhu]

The chase is on! The stakes are high! And it almost sounds like the loroi are becoming more suspicious of the humans due to their obsession with using illusionary deception, even if it is against their Hierarchy enemies. The humans needs to tread carefully. Too much of these fantastic, illusionary, deceptive tactics, and they might give the loroi less reason to trust them. Then again I'm sure the humans are struggling to ascertain just how trustworthy the loroi warriors are as well.

But is that really just deception? Or, who's actually being tricked here?

To be sure.... Emberwing still has a way to go before she is as much a character as any of stock ones.

Even so, what made her seem like more of one was that that she was not merely thinking but actually doing.

The quick reflex to hit her wrist button for communication only to realize it was just decoration built into her unform by the humans was a nice touch.

As per the usual Emberwing had to bath... but t least she only said it and I did not have to read something like, "Emberwing took her bath, got out, and went to sleep" again.

I know, but I'm still learning. The weekly format is also somewhat difficult to adapt to, yet that's how most fanfics roll. Normally, a story is written and then edited as a whole. With all the stress and work issues, it becomes harder to switch gears, so to say, and isolate one from the other. That's still part of the training, though, so I'm not really complaining.