Couldn't resist after writing the two "Welcome to Earth" jokes.
Apologies, Cthulhu: I said my next story would be serious, but it became another funny one.
Californian Vacation
Moderator: Outsider Moderators
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Californian Vacation
Last edited by G. Janssen on Tue Oct 04, 2022 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Californian Vacation
Prologue.
---
"And I'm telling you that you need some shore leave, Azerein." Coldstone sent. "Desperately, if I may say so. The war is over and it is time to rebuild. The people need to see an energetic leader."
"It is not that I don't agree." Greywind sent back and sighed. "But unfortunately this is a lot easier said than done. For someone in my position to enjoy a good vacation, she needs to be anonymous. Unfortunately, even wearing a bag over my head won't work, since my first sending will give me away. Going to any of the non loroi worlds will not work either, since I will still be recognized. I'm afraid that having a vacation is out of the question for me, old friend."
"Wearing a bag over your head would work on non loroi worlds though." Coldstone sent. The rude image she received as a reply made her chuckle.
A sending came from outside Greywind's private quarters aboard Cry of the Wind, informing her that the shuttle that carried the much discussed human and his companions had just docked. "Well then Coldstone, let's go see the hero party, including this alien pink male who looks so much like us." Greywind sent.
---
"And that is how we did it, Azerein." Tempo spoke as she concluded her lengthy story in both sanzai and verbal speech about what happened after Stillstorm had kicked them off Tempest.
"Miraculous." Greywind softly spoke and looked with admiration at Fireblade, who was standing to attention and staring at a point approximately three feet to the left and above Greywind's face with her typical neutral expression. She then looked at Alex and saw that he was studying her face intently. "Is my face that interesting, Enzin Alex Jardin? Or is there perhaps something on it?" Greywind spoke.
"I am sorry, your Majes ehm, Azerein. But.. in all honesty, you look like you could really use a vacation."
Greywind turned to Coldstone, only to see that she had suddenly decided to carefully study the ceiling. "Well, if it is this obvious, that even a member of a species that has had next to no contact with other intelligent beings notices it, then I guess that I shall take a short break from my duties!" Greywind spoke. "You wouldn't happen to have an idea where the leader of the Loroi Union can spend a relaxing week without being recognized, would you, Enzin Jardin?"
"Well, I think I may actually have an idea, Azerein."
---/\/---
Day 1.
---
"Let's see." Alex said. "The lander dropped us off just south of Lower Otay Lake, so if we walk westward we should reach a road. Then all we need to do is wait until sunrise and hitch a ride to San Diego."
"Hitch a ride?" Beryl asked.
"To have someone transport us for free. Did you know that human thumbs evolved over millions of years just so humans could hitch rides?" Alex said.
"I can't imagine that to be true." Beryl replied. "How would your ancestors..."
"He is joking, Tozet Beryl." Greywind sent.
Beryl pouted her lips. Alex looked at her and suppressed a smile. "You will get the hang of human humor, Beryl. It will just take some time." He said in English. "Oh and "get the hang of it" means that you will master it."
Fireblade buried the locator beacon she had been given. The group and the landing craft would need it in a week so they could rendezvous. After that the group walked for about twenty minutes until coming to a road. "Let's wait here." Alex said. "It's already getting light."
A number of vehicles passed without stopping, but after about thirty minutes one stopped and the driver lowered his window. "You folks look like you're going to Comic-Con." He said.
"That's right." Alex replied. "But our hovr [1] broke down and now we're trying to hitch a ride to San Diego."
"Hop in. I can drop you off near Balboa Park."
"Thanks a million." Alex replied and got into the hovr together with Greywind, Beryl, Tempo and Fireblade.
"My name's Sid. That's some spectacular makeup and outfits you girls are wearing."
"Thanks! My name's Alex. But I'm afraid that my comrades can't understand you. Only Beryl here understands and speaks decent English. They're from Bhutan and came to the US especially for the convention."
"Bhutan!? Amazing. Who are they supposed to be?" Sid asked.
Alex had anticipated this question and had made up a story in advance to answer it. "Around the turn of the millennium, there was this artist named Tim Lancis, who drew a sci fi webcomic about an alien race that mostly consisted of blue warrior females named "Lorei" and the space war they were fighting." Alex replied. "It's still quite popular in Bhutan."
"I see. Blue warrior females. Sounds like an erotic comic." Sid said.
"It wasn't." Alex said. "The only character who was naked at one point was an unfortunate human male." He looked to his right at Beryl. "Who, instead of getting sex, got tortured and thrown in the brig." He looked to his left at Fireblade."
"Huh. So who won?" Sid asked.
"What?" Alex asked.
"The space war." Sid said.
"Well we, uh, they did." Alex replied.
Light conversation went on until the hovr reached its destination and Alex and "the girls" got out. "Sid, I want you to have this." Alex said. "It will cover any costs you made. It's a fantasy coin, but it contains an amount of gold. The gold means that you should be able to exchange it a bank."
"It's pretty." Sid said after looking at the rectangular coin and pointed at Greywind. "It's got her face on it, doesn't it? I think I'll keep it, thanks! See you around, Alex, Ladies. You all have a good time at Comic-Con tomorrow." Sid honked and hovered off.
---
"I'll give you 400 dollars for these." The owner of the pawn shop said to Alex after he had studied and tested the gold content of the two coins. "You still need to show me your ID though."
"I'm afraid that I left my ID at home." Alex replied.
"I see... In that case I'll give you 200 dollars for them."
Alex sighed. "Alright." He said. "And a wristcom [2]. Any wristcom that works will do."
"Deal." The owner of the pawn shop said and fetched a charger with a damaged cable and a wristcom that had a cracked screen. Alex put the wristcom on his lower left arm and pushed the power button. The screen came to life. "It's unlocked and has about 10 dollars prepaid credit left. You will probably have to charge its juice pack [3] though. Please come again."
Alex left the pawn shop. "We have to avoid any business or institution that asks for ID, so spending the night at a hotel is out of the question." He said. "Besides, I doubt there are any free rooms left with Comic-Con in town. Fortunately, I have family in San Diego. They will be very, very surprised to see me. I wonder if I should tell them the truth about you or make them think that you are LARPers."
"LARPers?" Tempo asked.
"Life Action Role Players. Basically people in costumes pretending to be characters from the past or stories."
"This is absolutely amazing." Greywind said. "I am walking around in a sprawling city on an alien planet, populated by a species that has had no contact with us and thought it was alone in the universe until less than three years ago. And its inhabitants are ignoring me completely or act like I'm a local. What would happen if we had brought a Barsam, I wonder."
"Well, for starters, it would have been a lot harder to hitch a ride." Alex said. "But with events like Halloween or Comic-Con, most people would simply think that it's a human in a very well made suit. A Neridi would likely draw more attention, because it's too small and differently shaped to be a human in disguise. There are spots where a loroi could technically be outside all year round and earn money by posing with tourists, without people suspecting anything. Though police could become a problem when they ask for permits. Events just widen the area in which people will think that you are humans in disguise."
"Now, let's see." Alex said to himself in English. "This thing still has some juice in it, so I should be able to make a call."
"Human devices are powered.. by juice?" Beryl asked in English.
"No, by electricity. It's another metaphor." Alex said and spoke a number into the wristcom. A person answered the call. "Hello aunt Sue. You are not going to believe who this is... Yes, in the flesh! Yes, I'm back... Declared missing in action, you say? It's a long story. A very long one... I'd love to tell you... I'm in San Diego right now and uhm, can I come and visit you? Great! But listen, I brought some friends and we need a place to spend the night... As I said, it's a long story... Yes, of course they're aliens... Blue telepathic alien female space elves from outer space... No, really... Yes, I know that you are joking... No, one bed should be enough... No! We'll sleep on the floor or think of something... I'll see you in an hour or so... No, mom & dad didn't tell you because they don't know that I'm back yet... No... No! Listen! Don't tell them yet. Listen to my story first, okay? Alright. I'll see you in about an hour.
---
"It is hard to believe, but there are some humans in this carriage who stand out more than we do." Tempo said after the group had boarded the subloop [4]. "And that one is outright annoying."
The man to whom she referred was dressed in black leather and was listening to obnoxiously loud music from a Noizebox [5], while screeching and groaning along with it and occasionally grinding his crotch dangerously close to the face of passengers. Alex sighed and facepalmed. "I swear, there's always one." He said to himself.
"Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent. "There's absolutely no need to hold back because I am here, you know."
Suddenly the Noizebox exploded and the annoyance turned upside down in mid air and dropped, his head hitting the floor first.
"Thank you, Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent.
---
"Oh. My. God... It's true... Actual aliens... Can I touch them? Please?" Aunt Sue asked after Alex and company had arrived at her house and Alex had told her most what had happened to him, but leaving out the bad parts.
Aunt Sue hadn't believed him at first, but that changed rather quickly after Fireblade spontaneously used psychokinesis to knock a vehicle that was parked on a neighbor's driveway into the air, flip it three times -every flip adding a dent to the hovr- and put it down again. Upside down.
"Why do you keep doing stupid stuff like that? Are you trying to get us arrested?" Alex asked Fireblade, but like always silence and a neutral expression were the only answer that he received.
"It's alright." Sue said. "Frank's a prick anyway. He lets his yappers do number two's in other people's front yards."
"Fine." Said an irritated Alex. "No, they don't like being touched. Especially the idiot red menace here. Although Beryl might let you touch her."
"I really want to touch the ears." Sue said, her eyes sparkling.
"If you don't pull the ears.. you can touch them." Beryl said in English.
A few gentle ear touchings later and aunt Sue had become a friend of the Loroi for life.
"So the idea is to relax for a week in San Diego." Alex told Sue. "But you told me that I am officially missing in action. And my comrades here are the very epitome of illegal aliens. We have no IDs and a lack of money is also a pain in the rear. We do have these." Alex put a pile of different Union coins on the table. "They all contain gold and the large ones fetch a few hundred dollars a piece. But because we have no IDs, they can only be exchanged at some of the less reputable pawn shops against very bad rates. And when the week is over, I will have to go back with the Loroi until official contact is made. If you have a way to break that to mom & dad without them freaking out, then let's tell them."
"Their language contains so many metaphors and other figures of speech." Beryl sent to her fellow Loroi.
Sue picked up one of the coins. "That's funny." She said and looked at Greywind. "It's got her face on it."
"Don't ask." Alex said.
"Alex, What is a yappers?" Beryl asked.
Alex explained the various expressions that he and Sue had used.
"If you want to see a yapper do a number two and a raving prick who just noticed that his hovr is upside down and full of dents, then I suggest you look out the front window." Sue said.
Four blue faces became visible behind the window. "His face is almost as red as your hair, Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent.
"Alex? What is a goddam..." Beryl asked.
"It's a rectum that's been cursed by a higher being and jerks its male reproductive organ, while both sucking it and using it to plunge its maternal parent at the same time." Alex interrupted her quickly. "I will explain Humanity's myriad of colourful metaphors another time. Just remember them for now."
Fireblade frowned, tilted her head slightly and then shook it as if she was trying to imagine the explanation she had just heard.
"How about you make yourselves at home, while I go exchange these coins somewhere and call my sister to inform her about your return." Sue said. "Your number is on my wristcom's display. I'll give it to her and let her call you, because she's not going to believe a word of what I'm going to tell her."
"Sounds good." Alex replied.
Sue left. Alex could hear her say "Hi Frank. Oh my god, what happened to your hovr?" before she got into hers and hovered off.
"So ehm, welcome to a typical American home in the suburbs." Alex said. "Let me explain the function and workings of the various items that you can find inside. Follow me please. This.. is the toilet."
---
Greywind was exploring the backyard. It had flower garden borders, a small rose garden and a pond with Koi in it. Tempo and Beryl were sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of 3D Battleship: Raiders vs TCA edition. Fireblade was watching the teev [6]. And Alex was talking to his mother on the wristcom upstairs. After hanging up he joined Beryl and Tempo at the kitchen table.
"How did your parents respond?" Tempo asked.
"Better than I expected . They're taking a flight here. They'll be here tomorrow." Suddenly, laughter sounded from the living room. "Is that Fireblade?" Alex whispered.
"Yes." Tempo answered.
"This, I have to see." Alex said and tiptoed to the living room. Fireblade was watching a Road Runner cartoon. Alex watched how a stick of dynamite exploded in the face of a very desperate & pityful looking Wile Y. Coyote and expected Fireblade to laugh, but she didn't. It was when the Road Runner stuck out its tongue and said "meep meep" that she burst into laughter.
Seeking a little revenge, he was about to make a mocking remark, when a hand appeared from behind, covered his mouth and pulled him back backwards to the kitchen. He turned around. It was Tempo.
"Don't spoil it for her, Alex." She said. "It's true that she's antisocial and acts like a total jerk from time to time. But you know why she is that way. She doesn't have much. Let her have this."
"I guess you're right." Alex said after a short pause. "I'll see which cartoons are available and select them for her. Hey, why didn't she notice you?"
"I'm a Mizol, remember? We can suppress our presence for a limited amount of time."
"You can? And how did you know that I was about to make a mocking remark?"
"Who knows?" Tempo said and smiled.
Alex looked over her shoulder. "I see that the Azerein has begun to relax." He said.
Tempo and Beryl turned to look outside. "Oh my." Tempo said and made her hallmark gesture by touching her chest with the tips of her fingers. Greywind had removed her armor and was taking a nap on the lawn in her undersuit.
"Well, the weather is quite nice today." Alex said.
Sue's hovr pulled up on the driveway and Sue entered the living room. "I'm back." She said.
"Any luck?" Alex asked.
"9,724 dollars and 52 cents. for all of the coins but one, because I'm keeping that one." Sue said.
"Fair enough. That amount of cash should be more than enough for a week." Alex said. "I talked to mom. She and dad are taking a flight here."
"I know. It'll get crowded in here." Sue said. "That's why I bought a few things. They're in the trunk of the hovr. Can you bring them inside?"
"Will do."
"Alex?" Sue asked. "What do they eat?"
"They brought their own ration bars. One of those bars a day is enough for one of them. Their body temperature is a lot lower than ours."
"Can they eat what we eat?" Sue asked.
"Probably not. They gave me some of their food, but I couldn't keep it down. Horrible taste as well. Well, there was this one thing that didn't get rejected, but it had no taste at all. You could try coffee. Strong coffee. But don't offer them milk."
"Why not?" Sue asked.
"You know what?" Alex said. "You should offer them milk. It'll be fun to watch their response."
"And what about micro organisms?" Sue asked.
"Are not a problem." Alex said. "I don't know how they solved it, but they did. Their medical technology is amazing." Alex went outside to get the boxes from Sue's hovr. They contained camping mattresses, bottom sheets and blankets.
"Right, who wants coffee?" Sue asked.
"Coffee?" Beryl asked and thought for a moment. "I remember. It is the.. human version of noillir." She said and sent it to the others. Tempo and Fireblade sent back that they would try it. Greywind was still peacefully asleep in the backyard. "Three coffee.. please." Beryl said.
---
The coffee was served and accompanied by milk and sugar. "This is sugar. It tastes sweet to us." Alex said and pointed at the sugar bowl. "It's sucrose, which consists of a molecule of glucose and a molecule of fructose. Here's the chemical formula. This is carbon and that's hydrogen." Alex showed Beryl the information on a pad.
"We can eat this." She said. "But it tastes bitter to us."
"And this is the infamous milk." Alex pointed at the milk can.
"No thank you." Beryl said.
"I'll try some." Said Tempo. "Though I may regret it."
Beryl took a sip of her coffee. "It is by far not as strong as noillir, but the taste is quite similar."
After drinking half her coffee black, Tempo began adding small amounts of milk. "I see." She sent. "It really makes its taste smoother.
"I wonder how our food tastes to Loroi." Sue said. "Anyone in for a little experiment?" Alex translated her words.
"I will volunteer." Beryl said. "But I need a drinking container that is filled with water and a receptacle to spit in because I will only taste, not swallow."
Bread, cheese, salt, pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, garlic powder, vinegar, beer, orange juice, strawberry jam, peanut butter, slices of pepperoni and cooked ham, a tomato, a carrot, broccoli, an olive, chocolate, a boiled egg and potato chips were put on the kitchen table.
Beryl tried the bread, spit it in a bag and reported that it had barely any taste. She liked the cheese. Alex did not tell her what it was. The vinegar tasted sour and the salt tasted salty like they should. The pepper tasted bad, but the cinnamon was a surprise. "So sweet!" Beryl said. The nutmeg was bad and slightly bitter and the garlic was very spicy. The beer was spat out immediately. The orange juice was slightly sour and bitter. The strawberry jam tasted very bitter. The peanut butter was less bitter and oily. The pepperoni and ham tasted like sweet meat. She described the tomato as complex, something that required an acquired taste. As expected, the carrot was somewhat bitter and so was the chocolate. The broccoli and olive were delicious, the boiled egg tasted like a boiled egg and the potato chips made her gag.
"Anything with sugar tastes bitter, unhealthy food gets rejected, healthy stuff is delicious, salt, vinegar, meat and eggs taste pretty much the same. I guess that it's not unexpected." Alex said.
"Why is that?" Sue asked.
"Their creators obviously wanted their warriors to be fit and slim." Alex said. "Remember the 21st century obesity crisis? It got so bad that the army had no choice to accept people who could only move around in mobility scooters. Getting fat is clearly something that won't happen to the loroi. If bread, meat, eggs, cheese and vegetables aren't poisonous to them, they can eat those in case of emergency."
"And use cinnamon as sweetener and garlic as pepper." Sue added.
"Can you ask Sue if I can have some more coffee, Alex?" Tempo asked. Her cup was refilled and Tempo reached for the cinnamon. A few seconds later, half a spoonful of it was stirred into the hot coffee. After a thorough stirring, Tempo took a careful sip. "Hmm. Not bad." She said and added some milk. "Yes.. this is very good." She said after taking another sip. If only this coffee was a bit stronger." Alex translated and asked Sue to make the coffee as strong as possible next time.
---
"Mom, I'm home." A child's voice sounded after the front door opened. "Mom! Did you know that Frank's hovr is up... ehm..." Aiden, Sue's eleven year old son had come home from school and made eyecontact with Fireblade. "Mom?" He said.
Sue walked towards him. "Hey, how was school? This is Fireblade. Fireblade? Aiden." Sue pointed at her son. "Aiden, meet Fireblade."
"Hello?" Aiden said timidly and lifted his hand. Fireblade said nothing in return, but also lifted her hand.
"Let's go meet the others." Sue said.
"The others?" Aiden asked.
"Yes. And you never guess who is back."
Aiden followed Sue into the kitchen. "Alex!? But you're lost in space!"
"Hey Aiden. Not anymore. I came back and brought some friends."
"Brought back friends? Then these people are... aliens?" Aiden asked.
"That's right. Real space aliens from outer space." Alex replied.
A few seconds passed. Aiden looked carefully at Tempo and Beryl. "No they're not. The Orgus look completely different. They look like girls."
"Do they?" Alex said and tried not to smile.
"Girls with fake ears. And that one is wearing a big red wig."
"Is it that obvious?"
"They are cosplayers!" Aiden said.
"Argh! You got me. And here I was thinking that I could fool you." Alex said.
"They're here for Comic-Con, aren't they? That's so quant!" [7]
"And they will be here for a week. You already met Fireblade. This is Tempo, this is Beryl and that is Greywind. They are from Bhutan. They don't speak English and their names are translations."
"I speak English." Said Beryl. "But I am.. still learning."
"I'm going to learn French." Aiden replied.
"How old is he?" Tempo asked Alex.
"Eleven years."
Tempo blinked a few times.
"Humans age differently, Tempo. Basically we age twice as slow until we reach adulthood. This is why I had..." Alex paused for a moment and began to stare at the table. "This is why I wish that you hadn't told me their age. You're all badass fighters, but they were kids.. To me they were kids. Eleven, twelve, thirteen years old.. So many of them.. Fuck, what childhood did they have!?"
"Mom? I didn't know that Alex speaks Bhutanese."
"Neither did I." Sue said and noticed the sudden change in Alex's mood, despite him speaking in an alien language. "How about you go watch cartoons with Fireblade? Just remember that she can't understand a word you're saying."
"Hmm, okay." Aiden said and left the kitchen.
"Are you alright, Alex?" Sue asked.
"No, I guess I'm not. I.. didn't tell you everything. Things were bad out there. We knew there was a war going on when we left. The Orgus told us. In fact, it's why we left. But we didn't know that we'd be shot at the second we were spotted.. The entire crew is dead, aunt Sue. The ship was blown apart in seconds. Only I survived. After that.. I.. We.. It was a choice. Billions of lives versus billions of lives. And I was the one who made that choice. I had to.. Yeah, the innocent, naive Alex who dreamt of space exploration is dead, I guess. Drowned in blood."
"That's a terrible thing to say." Sue said.
"Heh. Aunt Sue, the blood of billions is on these hands. The only reason that I'm not going insane is that I can't identify in any way with those bug things. I don't regret doing it, because the alternative would've meant extermination. Our extermination. But they were alive. And sapient. They had a culture, a civilization, art, music... Who knew that space is basically the Wild West, just a trillion times bigger and a billion times more bloody?" A few seconds passed. "But enough of this, what's for dinner?"
---
"That was an excellent nap." Greywind said when she entered the kitchen. She yawned and stretched herself. "Anything new?"
"I'm still alive, not camping in the toilet or scratching myself constantly, Azerein." Tempo said. That means that milk, cinnamon and coffee are probably safe for consumption. She sent the experience to Greywind.
"Human noillir. Interesting. And what is that smell?" She sent.
"Sue has put a couple of "pizzas" in the oven, Azerein." Tempo sent back. "It is almost time for dinner."
"Yes it is." Greywind sent. "I could definitely have something to eat. And drink. I wonder if tea exists on this world."
Aiden entered the kitchen, looked into the oven and left again. "What a interesting male." Greywind sent. "Though maybe a bit on the young side. Is he Sue's mate?"
"No, Azerein. He is her son." Tempo sent back. "His name is Aiden and he is eleven years old. According to Alex, he can be compared to a Loroi male child half that age."
"Really? How strange." Greywind sent. "His length is just about right and he has an attractive face and rear. Isn't it odd that Human and Loroi females are so similar in appearance and the males are so different? After official contact, I shall ask someone to look into this matter."
---
After Alex had placed a folding table and some chairs next to the dining table, the group had dinner. Sue, Alex and Aiden had pizza, while the Loroi each had a ration bar.
"Why don't they have pizza, mom?" Aiden asked.
"It's a religious thing." Alex answered. "I don't understand it fully myself."
"Beryl? Why don't you eat pizza?" Aiden asked.
"Pizza could.. be bad for us."
"Alex says that it's because of your religion." Aiden said.
Not wanting to lie, Beryl looked at Alex.
"It's got unblessed meat on it." Alex replied. "It's not halal. Or kosher. Or something."
"Oh." Aiden said. "What religion are they?"
"It's a form of Buddhism. I always forget the name. You can look it up."
"The supermarket does sell vegetarian pizza's you know. They could eat those." Aiden said.
"A very good point. Maybe we will buy a few." Alex replied.
"Pizza is great." Aiden said with enthusiasm. "You should buy some for them tomorrow, mom. And we could put vegetarian meat on top. You can eat that, Beryl."
Beryl smiled at Aiden and said nothing.
Blessed silence filled the living room for a few seconds. Then the interrogation continued. "I really like the wigs. Don't they get hot or itchy? And how come hers doesn't fall off? It's so long." Aiden looked at Greywind. "And why are they wearing them now when Comic-Con doesn't open until tomorrow?"
Meanwhile, Beryl was translating the conversation as best she could and sending it to the other Loroi. "I have not mentioned it before, but your Enzin Jardin is quite the liar." Greywind sent. "I assume that all humans have this ability?"
"In his defense, Azerein, he already told us about the human ability to lie blatantly. He also told us about the reasons why humans lie, how to recognize their lies and how to deal with them." Tempo sent back. "In this case Alex is lying to protect us. Human children can't hold secrets unless they are fearful due to having been intimidated or threatened. I do not think that inflicting psychological damage on a child is a superior alternative to lying in this situation."
"You are correct, Parat Tempo. It is not. Still, the human ability to lie and its apparent normality and acceptance is something that I can not ignore." Greywind sent. "Another observation is that the child is asking those questions that the adults should ask. Four blue aliens "hitched a ride" and the driver simply accepted Enzin Jardin's explanation. Look at Enzin Jardin's face now. It has an expression like he just consumed a bowl of stale Dogos stew. This difference in behaviour between Human adults and their children is also something I want researchers to look into."
"Azerein?"
"Yes, Parat Tempo?"
"You are supposed to be on vacation. Not rule the Union from a human dinner table."
"Hmm. You are quite correct."
---
Evening came and Alex began inflating the camping mattresses. Greywind was given the bed in the guest room. Fireblade was watching Tom & Jerry after Alex had selected it for her. Beryl was in the backyard, Tempo was tasting several human pieces of Human food in the kitchen and making notes and Greywind was wearing headphones and listening to Mozart. Aiden had gone upstairs to do his homework.
"Sue, I know that I'm asking a lot, but could you show them around town tomorrow? I mean, with my parents coming here and all." Alex asked.
"Me? Go sightseeing with aliens? Are you serious? I love to!"
"Thanks, favorite aunt of mine. Listen, there are a few more things that you need to know. Beryl is nice and curious. She's a scientist. Has a mind and memory like a computer. Most jokes however go over her head. Avoid any figures of speech if you explain things to her. Tempo is -among other things- a diplomat and very intelligent. She can see straight through you. Fireblade is.. damaged. Just let her be. And Greywind is someone you must not be disrespectful to."
"Damaged?" Sue asked.
"She's both a victim and a veteran of the worst episode of their war. Genocide. 50 million people. Everyone she knew. She won't let you come close or let you touch her. And she won't speak."
"Oh my god! The poor dear. And Greywind?"
"Just ask yourself which people are normally depicted on currency." Alex said. "She's here because she needs a vacation and can be anonymous here. Just treat her like the others, but remain respectful. One last thing. I already told you that they are warriors. But I don't think that you realize what that means in this case. They're not soldiers by profession, but warriors in every fibre of their being. It's literally encoded into their DNA. They may look like Barbarella, but Fireblade alone can take down a platoon without breaking a sweat and a company if she gets angry."
"They sound dangerous." Sue said.
"And that is why tomorrow you will be the best protected human in California." Alex replied.
---
The evening passed and Greywind decided to retire. Tempo accompanied her upstairs to help her with her hair. Aiden was already asleep. Sue, Beryl and Alex were talking. And Fireblade was watching the teev as she had done since she arrived.
"But you got spotted three times." Sue said.
"Yes, but our ships just can't accelerate as fast as loroi ships. The only way for the TCA to be a bother is if a patrol just happens to be in one of the jumpzones and we jump in right on top of them. Otherwise there's nothing they can do. And the landing craft we used was some type of infiltration vessel with jamming or stealth capabilities. The decoy made planetfall over Texas. I'm sure that one was spotted. It was meant to be. It didn't touch down though. So even if they suspect that there's a landing site somewhere, they have to find it first and even then they don't know who or what to look for."
"And what about those coins?" Sue said.
"They have the profile of an elderly lady who -except for her ear- looks very human on one side and a number of symbols that make no sense to anyone on this planet on the other. People would think that she's an elf and the coins are fantasy items. Also the words on the coins aren't written in the glyphs that the Orgus taught us. I think we're good."
"And what if they show a coin to the Orgus? Would those symbols make sense then?" Sue asked.
"You really worry a lot, aunt Sue." Alex said. "But you're right, I can't rule that out. If one of those coins makes its way to the authorities and someone there concludes that its of alien origin and it's brought to the Orgus and the Orgus recognize the symbols, then we might be in minor trouble. Earth's authorities aren't going to shoot us. They know what could happen. They will be very diplomatic instead."
Alex yawned. Beryl followed his example, as did Sue. They looked at one another and nodded. In the fifteen minutes that followed, Sue went upstairs, Tempo came down and Alex and his comrades laid down on the camping mattresses trying to go to sleep.
"Meep meep." A voice in the darkness softly said.
---/\/---
[1] Just like "horseless carriage" was shortened to "car" and "automobile" was shortened to "auto", "hover car" was shortened to "hovr".
[2] A wristcom is a wearable that has a multitude of functions. A cellphone is one of them.
[3] Somehow "battery" was replaced with "juice pack". But that's okay, because there's also a fruit based energy drink from Japan called "Powtricity!". It comes in six flavors: lemon, strawberry, coffee, chocolate, walnut and potato.
[4] Realization of Elon Musk's hyperloop turned out to be highly problematic. One of the largest problems was leakage of the seals between the tube segments. This problem, caused by uneven expansion and contraction, was solved by building the hyperloops completely underground. This way, neither the sun, wind or rain could cause the problematic temperature variations that were the rootcause of the leaks.
"Subloop" or even "Sbloop" became the common name for the subterranean hyperloop or subway hyperloop.
[5] NeoNoize is a 22nd century music genre and subculture that originated in the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, appreciating NeoNoize either requires a lot of drugs or severe brain damage.
A Noizebox is a cube that's slightly larger than a rubic's cube. It plays music and displays light effects and is usually worn around the neck on a chain. It was designed and marketed by ~Kra#tak!, the group that revived the obscure early 20st century Noise and early 21st century Noize genres, making them ten times worse and unfortunately also a lot more popular. People who belong to the NeoNoize subculture call themselves "Noizers". Everyone else calls them "f*ck*ng noizances".
[6] Teev. The 22nd century's name for television, televiewer, TV, tube, screen.
[7] Quant. The latest addition to a long list that also contains swell, groovy, awesome, cool, fat, smart, vibing, excellent, wild, sick, mod, rad, neat, hip, epic, bully, ace, loose, wicked and zapp.
---
"And I'm telling you that you need some shore leave, Azerein." Coldstone sent. "Desperately, if I may say so. The war is over and it is time to rebuild. The people need to see an energetic leader."
"It is not that I don't agree." Greywind sent back and sighed. "But unfortunately this is a lot easier said than done. For someone in my position to enjoy a good vacation, she needs to be anonymous. Unfortunately, even wearing a bag over my head won't work, since my first sending will give me away. Going to any of the non loroi worlds will not work either, since I will still be recognized. I'm afraid that having a vacation is out of the question for me, old friend."
"Wearing a bag over your head would work on non loroi worlds though." Coldstone sent. The rude image she received as a reply made her chuckle.
A sending came from outside Greywind's private quarters aboard Cry of the Wind, informing her that the shuttle that carried the much discussed human and his companions had just docked. "Well then Coldstone, let's go see the hero party, including this alien pink male who looks so much like us." Greywind sent.
---
"And that is how we did it, Azerein." Tempo spoke as she concluded her lengthy story in both sanzai and verbal speech about what happened after Stillstorm had kicked them off Tempest.
"Miraculous." Greywind softly spoke and looked with admiration at Fireblade, who was standing to attention and staring at a point approximately three feet to the left and above Greywind's face with her typical neutral expression. She then looked at Alex and saw that he was studying her face intently. "Is my face that interesting, Enzin Alex Jardin? Or is there perhaps something on it?" Greywind spoke.
"I am sorry, your Majes ehm, Azerein. But.. in all honesty, you look like you could really use a vacation."
Greywind turned to Coldstone, only to see that she had suddenly decided to carefully study the ceiling. "Well, if it is this obvious, that even a member of a species that has had next to no contact with other intelligent beings notices it, then I guess that I shall take a short break from my duties!" Greywind spoke. "You wouldn't happen to have an idea where the leader of the Loroi Union can spend a relaxing week without being recognized, would you, Enzin Jardin?"
"Well, I think I may actually have an idea, Azerein."
---/\/---
Day 1.
---
"Let's see." Alex said. "The lander dropped us off just south of Lower Otay Lake, so if we walk westward we should reach a road. Then all we need to do is wait until sunrise and hitch a ride to San Diego."
"Hitch a ride?" Beryl asked.
"To have someone transport us for free. Did you know that human thumbs evolved over millions of years just so humans could hitch rides?" Alex said.
"I can't imagine that to be true." Beryl replied. "How would your ancestors..."
"He is joking, Tozet Beryl." Greywind sent.
Beryl pouted her lips. Alex looked at her and suppressed a smile. "You will get the hang of human humor, Beryl. It will just take some time." He said in English. "Oh and "get the hang of it" means that you will master it."
Fireblade buried the locator beacon she had been given. The group and the landing craft would need it in a week so they could rendezvous. After that the group walked for about twenty minutes until coming to a road. "Let's wait here." Alex said. "It's already getting light."
A number of vehicles passed without stopping, but after about thirty minutes one stopped and the driver lowered his window. "You folks look like you're going to Comic-Con." He said.
"That's right." Alex replied. "But our hovr [1] broke down and now we're trying to hitch a ride to San Diego."
"Hop in. I can drop you off near Balboa Park."
"Thanks a million." Alex replied and got into the hovr together with Greywind, Beryl, Tempo and Fireblade.
"My name's Sid. That's some spectacular makeup and outfits you girls are wearing."
"Thanks! My name's Alex. But I'm afraid that my comrades can't understand you. Only Beryl here understands and speaks decent English. They're from Bhutan and came to the US especially for the convention."
"Bhutan!? Amazing. Who are they supposed to be?" Sid asked.
Alex had anticipated this question and had made up a story in advance to answer it. "Around the turn of the millennium, there was this artist named Tim Lancis, who drew a sci fi webcomic about an alien race that mostly consisted of blue warrior females named "Lorei" and the space war they were fighting." Alex replied. "It's still quite popular in Bhutan."
"I see. Blue warrior females. Sounds like an erotic comic." Sid said.
"It wasn't." Alex said. "The only character who was naked at one point was an unfortunate human male." He looked to his right at Beryl. "Who, instead of getting sex, got tortured and thrown in the brig." He looked to his left at Fireblade."
"Huh. So who won?" Sid asked.
"What?" Alex asked.
"The space war." Sid said.
"Well we, uh, they did." Alex replied.
Light conversation went on until the hovr reached its destination and Alex and "the girls" got out. "Sid, I want you to have this." Alex said. "It will cover any costs you made. It's a fantasy coin, but it contains an amount of gold. The gold means that you should be able to exchange it a bank."
"It's pretty." Sid said after looking at the rectangular coin and pointed at Greywind. "It's got her face on it, doesn't it? I think I'll keep it, thanks! See you around, Alex, Ladies. You all have a good time at Comic-Con tomorrow." Sid honked and hovered off.
---
"I'll give you 400 dollars for these." The owner of the pawn shop said to Alex after he had studied and tested the gold content of the two coins. "You still need to show me your ID though."
"I'm afraid that I left my ID at home." Alex replied.
"I see... In that case I'll give you 200 dollars for them."
Alex sighed. "Alright." He said. "And a wristcom [2]. Any wristcom that works will do."
"Deal." The owner of the pawn shop said and fetched a charger with a damaged cable and a wristcom that had a cracked screen. Alex put the wristcom on his lower left arm and pushed the power button. The screen came to life. "It's unlocked and has about 10 dollars prepaid credit left. You will probably have to charge its juice pack [3] though. Please come again."
Alex left the pawn shop. "We have to avoid any business or institution that asks for ID, so spending the night at a hotel is out of the question." He said. "Besides, I doubt there are any free rooms left with Comic-Con in town. Fortunately, I have family in San Diego. They will be very, very surprised to see me. I wonder if I should tell them the truth about you or make them think that you are LARPers."
"LARPers?" Tempo asked.
"Life Action Role Players. Basically people in costumes pretending to be characters from the past or stories."
"This is absolutely amazing." Greywind said. "I am walking around in a sprawling city on an alien planet, populated by a species that has had no contact with us and thought it was alone in the universe until less than three years ago. And its inhabitants are ignoring me completely or act like I'm a local. What would happen if we had brought a Barsam, I wonder."
"Well, for starters, it would have been a lot harder to hitch a ride." Alex said. "But with events like Halloween or Comic-Con, most people would simply think that it's a human in a very well made suit. A Neridi would likely draw more attention, because it's too small and differently shaped to be a human in disguise. There are spots where a loroi could technically be outside all year round and earn money by posing with tourists, without people suspecting anything. Though police could become a problem when they ask for permits. Events just widen the area in which people will think that you are humans in disguise."
"Now, let's see." Alex said to himself in English. "This thing still has some juice in it, so I should be able to make a call."
"Human devices are powered.. by juice?" Beryl asked in English.
"No, by electricity. It's another metaphor." Alex said and spoke a number into the wristcom. A person answered the call. "Hello aunt Sue. You are not going to believe who this is... Yes, in the flesh! Yes, I'm back... Declared missing in action, you say? It's a long story. A very long one... I'd love to tell you... I'm in San Diego right now and uhm, can I come and visit you? Great! But listen, I brought some friends and we need a place to spend the night... As I said, it's a long story... Yes, of course they're aliens... Blue telepathic alien female space elves from outer space... No, really... Yes, I know that you are joking... No, one bed should be enough... No! We'll sleep on the floor or think of something... I'll see you in an hour or so... No, mom & dad didn't tell you because they don't know that I'm back yet... No... No! Listen! Don't tell them yet. Listen to my story first, okay? Alright. I'll see you in about an hour.
---
"It is hard to believe, but there are some humans in this carriage who stand out more than we do." Tempo said after the group had boarded the subloop [4]. "And that one is outright annoying."
The man to whom she referred was dressed in black leather and was listening to obnoxiously loud music from a Noizebox [5], while screeching and groaning along with it and occasionally grinding his crotch dangerously close to the face of passengers. Alex sighed and facepalmed. "I swear, there's always one." He said to himself.
"Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent. "There's absolutely no need to hold back because I am here, you know."
Suddenly the Noizebox exploded and the annoyance turned upside down in mid air and dropped, his head hitting the floor first.
"Thank you, Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent.
---
"Oh. My. God... It's true... Actual aliens... Can I touch them? Please?" Aunt Sue asked after Alex and company had arrived at her house and Alex had told her most what had happened to him, but leaving out the bad parts.
Aunt Sue hadn't believed him at first, but that changed rather quickly after Fireblade spontaneously used psychokinesis to knock a vehicle that was parked on a neighbor's driveway into the air, flip it three times -every flip adding a dent to the hovr- and put it down again. Upside down.
"Why do you keep doing stupid stuff like that? Are you trying to get us arrested?" Alex asked Fireblade, but like always silence and a neutral expression were the only answer that he received.
"It's alright." Sue said. "Frank's a prick anyway. He lets his yappers do number two's in other people's front yards."
"Fine." Said an irritated Alex. "No, they don't like being touched. Especially the idiot red menace here. Although Beryl might let you touch her."
"I really want to touch the ears." Sue said, her eyes sparkling.
"If you don't pull the ears.. you can touch them." Beryl said in English.
A few gentle ear touchings later and aunt Sue had become a friend of the Loroi for life.
"So the idea is to relax for a week in San Diego." Alex told Sue. "But you told me that I am officially missing in action. And my comrades here are the very epitome of illegal aliens. We have no IDs and a lack of money is also a pain in the rear. We do have these." Alex put a pile of different Union coins on the table. "They all contain gold and the large ones fetch a few hundred dollars a piece. But because we have no IDs, they can only be exchanged at some of the less reputable pawn shops against very bad rates. And when the week is over, I will have to go back with the Loroi until official contact is made. If you have a way to break that to mom & dad without them freaking out, then let's tell them."
"Their language contains so many metaphors and other figures of speech." Beryl sent to her fellow Loroi.
Sue picked up one of the coins. "That's funny." She said and looked at Greywind. "It's got her face on it."
"Don't ask." Alex said.
"Alex, What is a yappers?" Beryl asked.
Alex explained the various expressions that he and Sue had used.
"If you want to see a yapper do a number two and a raving prick who just noticed that his hovr is upside down and full of dents, then I suggest you look out the front window." Sue said.
Four blue faces became visible behind the window. "His face is almost as red as your hair, Pallan Fireblade." Greywind sent.
"Alex? What is a goddam..." Beryl asked.
"It's a rectum that's been cursed by a higher being and jerks its male reproductive organ, while both sucking it and using it to plunge its maternal parent at the same time." Alex interrupted her quickly. "I will explain Humanity's myriad of colourful metaphors another time. Just remember them for now."
Fireblade frowned, tilted her head slightly and then shook it as if she was trying to imagine the explanation she had just heard.
"How about you make yourselves at home, while I go exchange these coins somewhere and call my sister to inform her about your return." Sue said. "Your number is on my wristcom's display. I'll give it to her and let her call you, because she's not going to believe a word of what I'm going to tell her."
"Sounds good." Alex replied.
Sue left. Alex could hear her say "Hi Frank. Oh my god, what happened to your hovr?" before she got into hers and hovered off.
"So ehm, welcome to a typical American home in the suburbs." Alex said. "Let me explain the function and workings of the various items that you can find inside. Follow me please. This.. is the toilet."
---
Greywind was exploring the backyard. It had flower garden borders, a small rose garden and a pond with Koi in it. Tempo and Beryl were sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of 3D Battleship: Raiders vs TCA edition. Fireblade was watching the teev [6]. And Alex was talking to his mother on the wristcom upstairs. After hanging up he joined Beryl and Tempo at the kitchen table.
"How did your parents respond?" Tempo asked.
"Better than I expected . They're taking a flight here. They'll be here tomorrow." Suddenly, laughter sounded from the living room. "Is that Fireblade?" Alex whispered.
"Yes." Tempo answered.
"This, I have to see." Alex said and tiptoed to the living room. Fireblade was watching a Road Runner cartoon. Alex watched how a stick of dynamite exploded in the face of a very desperate & pityful looking Wile Y. Coyote and expected Fireblade to laugh, but she didn't. It was when the Road Runner stuck out its tongue and said "meep meep" that she burst into laughter.
Seeking a little revenge, he was about to make a mocking remark, when a hand appeared from behind, covered his mouth and pulled him back backwards to the kitchen. He turned around. It was Tempo.
"Don't spoil it for her, Alex." She said. "It's true that she's antisocial and acts like a total jerk from time to time. But you know why she is that way. She doesn't have much. Let her have this."
"I guess you're right." Alex said after a short pause. "I'll see which cartoons are available and select them for her. Hey, why didn't she notice you?"
"I'm a Mizol, remember? We can suppress our presence for a limited amount of time."
"You can? And how did you know that I was about to make a mocking remark?"
"Who knows?" Tempo said and smiled.
Alex looked over her shoulder. "I see that the Azerein has begun to relax." He said.
Tempo and Beryl turned to look outside. "Oh my." Tempo said and made her hallmark gesture by touching her chest with the tips of her fingers. Greywind had removed her armor and was taking a nap on the lawn in her undersuit.
"Well, the weather is quite nice today." Alex said.
Sue's hovr pulled up on the driveway and Sue entered the living room. "I'm back." She said.
"Any luck?" Alex asked.
"9,724 dollars and 52 cents. for all of the coins but one, because I'm keeping that one." Sue said.
"Fair enough. That amount of cash should be more than enough for a week." Alex said. "I talked to mom. She and dad are taking a flight here."
"I know. It'll get crowded in here." Sue said. "That's why I bought a few things. They're in the trunk of the hovr. Can you bring them inside?"
"Will do."
"Alex?" Sue asked. "What do they eat?"
"They brought their own ration bars. One of those bars a day is enough for one of them. Their body temperature is a lot lower than ours."
"Can they eat what we eat?" Sue asked.
"Probably not. They gave me some of their food, but I couldn't keep it down. Horrible taste as well. Well, there was this one thing that didn't get rejected, but it had no taste at all. You could try coffee. Strong coffee. But don't offer them milk."
"Why not?" Sue asked.
"You know what?" Alex said. "You should offer them milk. It'll be fun to watch their response."
"And what about micro organisms?" Sue asked.
"Are not a problem." Alex said. "I don't know how they solved it, but they did. Their medical technology is amazing." Alex went outside to get the boxes from Sue's hovr. They contained camping mattresses, bottom sheets and blankets.
"Right, who wants coffee?" Sue asked.
"Coffee?" Beryl asked and thought for a moment. "I remember. It is the.. human version of noillir." She said and sent it to the others. Tempo and Fireblade sent back that they would try it. Greywind was still peacefully asleep in the backyard. "Three coffee.. please." Beryl said.
---
The coffee was served and accompanied by milk and sugar. "This is sugar. It tastes sweet to us." Alex said and pointed at the sugar bowl. "It's sucrose, which consists of a molecule of glucose and a molecule of fructose. Here's the chemical formula. This is carbon and that's hydrogen." Alex showed Beryl the information on a pad.
"We can eat this." She said. "But it tastes bitter to us."
"And this is the infamous milk." Alex pointed at the milk can.
"No thank you." Beryl said.
"I'll try some." Said Tempo. "Though I may regret it."
Beryl took a sip of her coffee. "It is by far not as strong as noillir, but the taste is quite similar."
After drinking half her coffee black, Tempo began adding small amounts of milk. "I see." She sent. "It really makes its taste smoother.
"I wonder how our food tastes to Loroi." Sue said. "Anyone in for a little experiment?" Alex translated her words.
"I will volunteer." Beryl said. "But I need a drinking container that is filled with water and a receptacle to spit in because I will only taste, not swallow."
Bread, cheese, salt, pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, garlic powder, vinegar, beer, orange juice, strawberry jam, peanut butter, slices of pepperoni and cooked ham, a tomato, a carrot, broccoli, an olive, chocolate, a boiled egg and potato chips were put on the kitchen table.
Beryl tried the bread, spit it in a bag and reported that it had barely any taste. She liked the cheese. Alex did not tell her what it was. The vinegar tasted sour and the salt tasted salty like they should. The pepper tasted bad, but the cinnamon was a surprise. "So sweet!" Beryl said. The nutmeg was bad and slightly bitter and the garlic was very spicy. The beer was spat out immediately. The orange juice was slightly sour and bitter. The strawberry jam tasted very bitter. The peanut butter was less bitter and oily. The pepperoni and ham tasted like sweet meat. She described the tomato as complex, something that required an acquired taste. As expected, the carrot was somewhat bitter and so was the chocolate. The broccoli and olive were delicious, the boiled egg tasted like a boiled egg and the potato chips made her gag.
"Anything with sugar tastes bitter, unhealthy food gets rejected, healthy stuff is delicious, salt, vinegar, meat and eggs taste pretty much the same. I guess that it's not unexpected." Alex said.
"Why is that?" Sue asked.
"Their creators obviously wanted their warriors to be fit and slim." Alex said. "Remember the 21st century obesity crisis? It got so bad that the army had no choice to accept people who could only move around in mobility scooters. Getting fat is clearly something that won't happen to the loroi. If bread, meat, eggs, cheese and vegetables aren't poisonous to them, they can eat those in case of emergency."
"And use cinnamon as sweetener and garlic as pepper." Sue added.
"Can you ask Sue if I can have some more coffee, Alex?" Tempo asked. Her cup was refilled and Tempo reached for the cinnamon. A few seconds later, half a spoonful of it was stirred into the hot coffee. After a thorough stirring, Tempo took a careful sip. "Hmm. Not bad." She said and added some milk. "Yes.. this is very good." She said after taking another sip. If only this coffee was a bit stronger." Alex translated and asked Sue to make the coffee as strong as possible next time.
---
"Mom, I'm home." A child's voice sounded after the front door opened. "Mom! Did you know that Frank's hovr is up... ehm..." Aiden, Sue's eleven year old son had come home from school and made eyecontact with Fireblade. "Mom?" He said.
Sue walked towards him. "Hey, how was school? This is Fireblade. Fireblade? Aiden." Sue pointed at her son. "Aiden, meet Fireblade."
"Hello?" Aiden said timidly and lifted his hand. Fireblade said nothing in return, but also lifted her hand.
"Let's go meet the others." Sue said.
"The others?" Aiden asked.
"Yes. And you never guess who is back."
Aiden followed Sue into the kitchen. "Alex!? But you're lost in space!"
"Hey Aiden. Not anymore. I came back and brought some friends."
"Brought back friends? Then these people are... aliens?" Aiden asked.
"That's right. Real space aliens from outer space." Alex replied.
A few seconds passed. Aiden looked carefully at Tempo and Beryl. "No they're not. The Orgus look completely different. They look like girls."
"Do they?" Alex said and tried not to smile.
"Girls with fake ears. And that one is wearing a big red wig."
"Is it that obvious?"
"They are cosplayers!" Aiden said.
"Argh! You got me. And here I was thinking that I could fool you." Alex said.
"They're here for Comic-Con, aren't they? That's so quant!" [7]
"And they will be here for a week. You already met Fireblade. This is Tempo, this is Beryl and that is Greywind. They are from Bhutan. They don't speak English and their names are translations."
"I speak English." Said Beryl. "But I am.. still learning."
"I'm going to learn French." Aiden replied.
"How old is he?" Tempo asked Alex.
"Eleven years."
Tempo blinked a few times.
"Humans age differently, Tempo. Basically we age twice as slow until we reach adulthood. This is why I had..." Alex paused for a moment and began to stare at the table. "This is why I wish that you hadn't told me their age. You're all badass fighters, but they were kids.. To me they were kids. Eleven, twelve, thirteen years old.. So many of them.. Fuck, what childhood did they have!?"
"Mom? I didn't know that Alex speaks Bhutanese."
"Neither did I." Sue said and noticed the sudden change in Alex's mood, despite him speaking in an alien language. "How about you go watch cartoons with Fireblade? Just remember that she can't understand a word you're saying."
"Hmm, okay." Aiden said and left the kitchen.
"Are you alright, Alex?" Sue asked.
"No, I guess I'm not. I.. didn't tell you everything. Things were bad out there. We knew there was a war going on when we left. The Orgus told us. In fact, it's why we left. But we didn't know that we'd be shot at the second we were spotted.. The entire crew is dead, aunt Sue. The ship was blown apart in seconds. Only I survived. After that.. I.. We.. It was a choice. Billions of lives versus billions of lives. And I was the one who made that choice. I had to.. Yeah, the innocent, naive Alex who dreamt of space exploration is dead, I guess. Drowned in blood."
"That's a terrible thing to say." Sue said.
"Heh. Aunt Sue, the blood of billions is on these hands. The only reason that I'm not going insane is that I can't identify in any way with those bug things. I don't regret doing it, because the alternative would've meant extermination. Our extermination. But they were alive. And sapient. They had a culture, a civilization, art, music... Who knew that space is basically the Wild West, just a trillion times bigger and a billion times more bloody?" A few seconds passed. "But enough of this, what's for dinner?"
---
"That was an excellent nap." Greywind said when she entered the kitchen. She yawned and stretched herself. "Anything new?"
"I'm still alive, not camping in the toilet or scratching myself constantly, Azerein." Tempo said. That means that milk, cinnamon and coffee are probably safe for consumption. She sent the experience to Greywind.
"Human noillir. Interesting. And what is that smell?" She sent.
"Sue has put a couple of "pizzas" in the oven, Azerein." Tempo sent back. "It is almost time for dinner."
"Yes it is." Greywind sent. "I could definitely have something to eat. And drink. I wonder if tea exists on this world."
Aiden entered the kitchen, looked into the oven and left again. "What a interesting male." Greywind sent. "Though maybe a bit on the young side. Is he Sue's mate?"
"No, Azerein. He is her son." Tempo sent back. "His name is Aiden and he is eleven years old. According to Alex, he can be compared to a Loroi male child half that age."
"Really? How strange." Greywind sent. "His length is just about right and he has an attractive face and rear. Isn't it odd that Human and Loroi females are so similar in appearance and the males are so different? After official contact, I shall ask someone to look into this matter."
---
After Alex had placed a folding table and some chairs next to the dining table, the group had dinner. Sue, Alex and Aiden had pizza, while the Loroi each had a ration bar.
"Why don't they have pizza, mom?" Aiden asked.
"It's a religious thing." Alex answered. "I don't understand it fully myself."
"Beryl? Why don't you eat pizza?" Aiden asked.
"Pizza could.. be bad for us."
"Alex says that it's because of your religion." Aiden said.
Not wanting to lie, Beryl looked at Alex.
"It's got unblessed meat on it." Alex replied. "It's not halal. Or kosher. Or something."
"Oh." Aiden said. "What religion are they?"
"It's a form of Buddhism. I always forget the name. You can look it up."
"The supermarket does sell vegetarian pizza's you know. They could eat those." Aiden said.
"A very good point. Maybe we will buy a few." Alex replied.
"Pizza is great." Aiden said with enthusiasm. "You should buy some for them tomorrow, mom. And we could put vegetarian meat on top. You can eat that, Beryl."
Beryl smiled at Aiden and said nothing.
Blessed silence filled the living room for a few seconds. Then the interrogation continued. "I really like the wigs. Don't they get hot or itchy? And how come hers doesn't fall off? It's so long." Aiden looked at Greywind. "And why are they wearing them now when Comic-Con doesn't open until tomorrow?"
Meanwhile, Beryl was translating the conversation as best she could and sending it to the other Loroi. "I have not mentioned it before, but your Enzin Jardin is quite the liar." Greywind sent. "I assume that all humans have this ability?"
"In his defense, Azerein, he already told us about the human ability to lie blatantly. He also told us about the reasons why humans lie, how to recognize their lies and how to deal with them." Tempo sent back. "In this case Alex is lying to protect us. Human children can't hold secrets unless they are fearful due to having been intimidated or threatened. I do not think that inflicting psychological damage on a child is a superior alternative to lying in this situation."
"You are correct, Parat Tempo. It is not. Still, the human ability to lie and its apparent normality and acceptance is something that I can not ignore." Greywind sent. "Another observation is that the child is asking those questions that the adults should ask. Four blue aliens "hitched a ride" and the driver simply accepted Enzin Jardin's explanation. Look at Enzin Jardin's face now. It has an expression like he just consumed a bowl of stale Dogos stew. This difference in behaviour between Human adults and their children is also something I want researchers to look into."
"Azerein?"
"Yes, Parat Tempo?"
"You are supposed to be on vacation. Not rule the Union from a human dinner table."
"Hmm. You are quite correct."
---
Evening came and Alex began inflating the camping mattresses. Greywind was given the bed in the guest room. Fireblade was watching Tom & Jerry after Alex had selected it for her. Beryl was in the backyard, Tempo was tasting several human pieces of Human food in the kitchen and making notes and Greywind was wearing headphones and listening to Mozart. Aiden had gone upstairs to do his homework.
"Sue, I know that I'm asking a lot, but could you show them around town tomorrow? I mean, with my parents coming here and all." Alex asked.
"Me? Go sightseeing with aliens? Are you serious? I love to!"
"Thanks, favorite aunt of mine. Listen, there are a few more things that you need to know. Beryl is nice and curious. She's a scientist. Has a mind and memory like a computer. Most jokes however go over her head. Avoid any figures of speech if you explain things to her. Tempo is -among other things- a diplomat and very intelligent. She can see straight through you. Fireblade is.. damaged. Just let her be. And Greywind is someone you must not be disrespectful to."
"Damaged?" Sue asked.
"She's both a victim and a veteran of the worst episode of their war. Genocide. 50 million people. Everyone she knew. She won't let you come close or let you touch her. And she won't speak."
"Oh my god! The poor dear. And Greywind?"
"Just ask yourself which people are normally depicted on currency." Alex said. "She's here because she needs a vacation and can be anonymous here. Just treat her like the others, but remain respectful. One last thing. I already told you that they are warriors. But I don't think that you realize what that means in this case. They're not soldiers by profession, but warriors in every fibre of their being. It's literally encoded into their DNA. They may look like Barbarella, but Fireblade alone can take down a platoon without breaking a sweat and a company if she gets angry."
"They sound dangerous." Sue said.
"And that is why tomorrow you will be the best protected human in California." Alex replied.
---
The evening passed and Greywind decided to retire. Tempo accompanied her upstairs to help her with her hair. Aiden was already asleep. Sue, Beryl and Alex were talking. And Fireblade was watching the teev as she had done since she arrived.
"But you got spotted three times." Sue said.
"Yes, but our ships just can't accelerate as fast as loroi ships. The only way for the TCA to be a bother is if a patrol just happens to be in one of the jumpzones and we jump in right on top of them. Otherwise there's nothing they can do. And the landing craft we used was some type of infiltration vessel with jamming or stealth capabilities. The decoy made planetfall over Texas. I'm sure that one was spotted. It was meant to be. It didn't touch down though. So even if they suspect that there's a landing site somewhere, they have to find it first and even then they don't know who or what to look for."
"And what about those coins?" Sue said.
"They have the profile of an elderly lady who -except for her ear- looks very human on one side and a number of symbols that make no sense to anyone on this planet on the other. People would think that she's an elf and the coins are fantasy items. Also the words on the coins aren't written in the glyphs that the Orgus taught us. I think we're good."
"And what if they show a coin to the Orgus? Would those symbols make sense then?" Sue asked.
"You really worry a lot, aunt Sue." Alex said. "But you're right, I can't rule that out. If one of those coins makes its way to the authorities and someone there concludes that its of alien origin and it's brought to the Orgus and the Orgus recognize the symbols, then we might be in minor trouble. Earth's authorities aren't going to shoot us. They know what could happen. They will be very diplomatic instead."
Alex yawned. Beryl followed his example, as did Sue. They looked at one another and nodded. In the fifteen minutes that followed, Sue went upstairs, Tempo came down and Alex and his comrades laid down on the camping mattresses trying to go to sleep.
"Meep meep." A voice in the darkness softly said.
---/\/---
[1] Just like "horseless carriage" was shortened to "car" and "automobile" was shortened to "auto", "hover car" was shortened to "hovr".
[2] A wristcom is a wearable that has a multitude of functions. A cellphone is one of them.
[3] Somehow "battery" was replaced with "juice pack". But that's okay, because there's also a fruit based energy drink from Japan called "Powtricity!". It comes in six flavors: lemon, strawberry, coffee, chocolate, walnut and potato.
[4] Realization of Elon Musk's hyperloop turned out to be highly problematic. One of the largest problems was leakage of the seals between the tube segments. This problem, caused by uneven expansion and contraction, was solved by building the hyperloops completely underground. This way, neither the sun, wind or rain could cause the problematic temperature variations that were the rootcause of the leaks.
"Subloop" or even "Sbloop" became the common name for the subterranean hyperloop or subway hyperloop.
[5] NeoNoize is a 22nd century music genre and subculture that originated in the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, appreciating NeoNoize either requires a lot of drugs or severe brain damage.
A Noizebox is a cube that's slightly larger than a rubic's cube. It plays music and displays light effects and is usually worn around the neck on a chain. It was designed and marketed by ~Kra#tak!, the group that revived the obscure early 20st century Noise and early 21st century Noize genres, making them ten times worse and unfortunately also a lot more popular. People who belong to the NeoNoize subculture call themselves "Noizers". Everyone else calls them "f*ck*ng noizances".
[6] Teev. The 22nd century's name for television, televiewer, TV, tube, screen.
[7] Quant. The latest addition to a long list that also contains swell, groovy, awesome, cool, fat, smart, vibing, excellent, wild, sick, mod, rad, neat, hip, epic, bully, ace, loose, wicked and zapp.
Re: Californian Vacation
Entertaining and cute... I had no idea Fireblade was so scarred.
She is like a Loroi Mike Tyson... only easier on the eyes because she is female.
Glad she had some joy with the 'meeps', poor gal.
One thing I perhaps obsess over is that fact that although it would break your story properly... Loroi actually would have difficulr time passing for cosplayers.
Their eyes slant doward toward the nose, are wider, and the irises are slighly larger to fill up some of width that habing extra wide eyes provides.
No cosplayerb is getting surgery like that, and certainly not a group.
It is easy to tell if you compare the human female eyes to the Loroi and you will see what I am talking about (Alex crew before death)..
She is like a Loroi Mike Tyson... only easier on the eyes because she is female.
Glad she had some joy with the 'meeps', poor gal.
One thing I perhaps obsess over is that fact that although it would break your story properly... Loroi actually would have difficulr time passing for cosplayers.
Their eyes slant doward toward the nose, are wider, and the irises are slighly larger to fill up some of width that habing extra wide eyes provides.
No cosplayerb is getting surgery like that, and certainly not a group.
It is easy to tell if you compare the human female eyes to the Loroi and you will see what I am talking about (Alex crew before death)..
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G. Janssen
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Re: Californian Vacation
Fortunately this is science fiction so I can solve the problem immediately.
You see, in 50 years time someone will invent a transparent, very thin mask that sticks to the face, contains artificial micro muscles and can contort the face of the wearer."Jeff took the remote control of his disposable Morph Mask that he bought at the prank store, selected preset 3 and instantly transformed into Brad Pitt. As he stepped onto the dancefloor he set the control to random. His face immediately began to shift. One second he was Uncle Fester, the next he was Elvis Presley. The others kids followed his example and soon the dancefloor was filled with a group of ever changing dancing celebrities and fantasy creatures."
But you're right. I didn't mention any mask, only makeup. In order to look like a loroi, a partial latex mask would probably also be necessary, especially around the cheek bones.
Your reply prompted me to do some searches. Creating the illusion of larger eyes doesn't seem to be a problem.
Here's what some simple makeup and contact lenses can already achieve. The fake lower eyelid needs some more work though.
Add some face tape (yes, that's a thing, google it) below the lower eyelid, pull it slightly down, put some above the eyebrow to pull that up, put some more near the outside of the eye to pull that backwards and upwards, put filler on top of it to mask the tape, add blue skin dye and shade. Et voila: instant Loroi eye.
I'm reaching now, aren't I?
Or you can do it like this.
That's Tempo right there.
Edit: Or, if you're really obsessed, then you can just spend 50,000 on cosmetic surgery. He's from California too btw. Name's Vinny Oh.
But yes, I think that Fireblade is damaged, traumatized. She hates to be touched and let's nobody get near. She removes her own armor, sits apart and rather sleeps on the cold floor than with the others. She's a loner. The genocide on Seren shaped her. Her nightmares point to unprocessed traumas. Maybe it's guilt, maybe she fears that anyone she'll get closed to will die. I don't know.
Re: Californian Vacation
Tim Lancis? Gee now where have I heard that before?
Nice humor series! I like it. Though am curious that the Emperor has not made arrangements prior with Earth authorities to enjoy an incognito vacation on Earth. Might they see this secret visit as espionage?
Nice humor series! I like it. Though am curious that the Emperor has not made arrangements prior with Earth authorities to enjoy an incognito vacation on Earth. Might they see this secret visit as espionage?
Re: Californian Vacation
G. Janssen wrote: ↑Wed Oct 05, 2022 11:43 amFortunately this is science fiction so I can solve the problem immediately.
"Jeff took the remote control of his disposable Morph Mask that he bought at the prank store, selected preset 3 and instantly transformed into Brad Pitt. As he stepped onto the dancefloor he set the control to random. His face immediately began to shift. One second he was Uncle Fester, the next he was Elvis Presley. The others kids followed his example and soon the dancefloor was filled with a group of ever changing dancing celebrities and fantasy creatures."
But you're right. I didn't mention any mask, only makeup. In order to look like a loroi, a partial latex mask would probably also be necessary, especially around the cheek bones.
Your reply prompted me to do some searches. Creating the illusion of larger eyes doesn't seem to be a problem.
Here's what some simple makeup and contact lenses can already achieve. The fake lower eyelid needs some more work though.
Add some face tape (yes, that's a thing, google it) below the lower eyelid, pull it slightly down, put some above the eyebrow to pull that up, put some more near the outside of the eye to pull that backwards and upwards, put filler on top of it to mask the tape, add blue skin dye and shade. Et voila: instant Loroi eye.
I'm reaching now, aren't I?
Or you can do it like this.
Edit: Or, if you're really obsessed, then you can just spend 50,000 on cosmetic surgery. He's from California too btw. Name's Vinny Oh.
But yes, I think that Fireblade is damaged, traumatized. She hates to be touched and let's nobody get near. She removes her own armor, sits apart and rather sleeps on the cold floor than with the others. She's a loner. The genocide on Seren shaped her. Her nightmares point to unprocessed traumas. Maybe it's guilt, maybe she fears that anyone she'll get closed to will die. I don't know.
Never underestimate human ingenuity I guess... I feel sorry for that girl's eyes though... probably going to sting after.
Re: Californian Vacation
Fireblade does not even fully trust Alex. She was watching him stare at the emperor lol.Snoofman wrote: ↑Wed Oct 05, 2022 3:52 pmTim Lancis? Gee now where have I heard that before?
Nice humor series! I like it. Though am curious that the Emperor has not made arrangements prior with Earth authorities to enjoy an incognito vacation on Earth. Might they see this secret visit as espionage?
Humanity at large? No the Loroi would not trust them with their emperor.
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G. Janssen
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Re: Californian Vacation
I don't know. Alex made it up.
She needs a vacation stat. First contact and establishing diplomatic relations is hard work.Nice humor series! I like it. Though am curious that the Emperor has not made arrangements prior with Earth authorities to enjoy an incognito vacation on Earth. Might they see this secret visit as espionage?
Doing a lot of extra work so you can take a vacation somehow doesn't sound right.
This is right after Alex and co. did their thing. I'm assuming that its impact was decisive. Status of the other scouts: unknown.
At this time only a limited number of people on Earth know about the war. And those people only learned 3 things about the Loroi from the Orgus: the name of the species, the fact that they're telepathic and that they committed 2 genocides. Nobody knows what they look like.
Imagine you go outside tomorrow. You're approached by a very attractive blue girl with somewhat larger eyes and red irises during a convention of cosplayers. She tells you that she's an actual alien and not a cosplayer.
Do you:
A. run away in terror because its obvious that the invasion has begun.
B. call the authorities, stay on the line and follow her until she's arrested.
C. say "that's cute, nice makeup by the way" and continue walking.
D. ask for her phone number.
I bet it's not A or B.
I wonder how many cosplayers really are aliens.
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wolf329
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Re: Californian Vacation
I really enjoyed the short discussion Greywind had with Tempo on human lying, that's a concept not really explored yet and a deep well of possibilities.
#1 Tempo simp
Fun fact: did you know that "Loroi Union" has the same number of syllables as "California"?
Fun fact: did you know that "Loroi Union" has the same number of syllables as "California"?
Re: Californian Vacation
Oh, well, it's funny, so I'm not gonna sue you over that.G. Janssen wrote: ↑Tue Oct 04, 2022 2:48 amApologies, Cthulhu: I said my next story would be serious, but it became another funny one.
The premise was of course nonsensical, yet the details and world-building were quite good. The only thing which was too much of a stretch would be a family owning an entire house in the suburbs. Given the direction the US estate market develops towards, that's just a pipe dream, even in fiction.
Bleh, but for showing us that freak, you now owe me a bottle of the finest mind bleach.G. Janssen wrote: ↑Wed Oct 05, 2022 11:43 amTrue horror!ShowEdit: Or, if you're really obsessed, then you can just spend 50,000 on cosmetic surgery. He's from California too btw. Name's Vinny Oh.
My fanfic: A sword that wields itself
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G. Janssen
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G. Janssen
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Re: Californian Vacation
Not just the US estate market. Prices in the Netherlands and many other European countries are through the roof as well. An old, crappy little house on a tiny island in Frisia that has no electricity or gas and can only reached by boat went for more than 85,000. Average price for a house is 425,000. To buy a house these days, even the kids and the dog must have an income. Especially now interest is rising.
I live cheap, because I live on a boat. But living on a boat is like living in a van: it has very little comfort. But it does let me choose my backyard.
G. Janssen wrote: ↑Wed Oct 05, 2022 11:43 amTrue horror!ShowEdit: Or, if you're really obsessed, then you can just spend 50,000 on cosmetic surgery. He's from California too btw. Name's Vinny Oh.
Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.Bleh, but for showing us that freak, you now owe me a bottle of the finest mind bleach.
Re: Californian Vacation
You can have Tempo describe how the spoken language works, with funny reactions to examples. While speech has an inherently lower bandwidth compared to sanzai, there are still ways to jam more meaning into what's available. By using memetics and slang as a means of compression, where a single word can carry significant subtext, it is possible to transmit more information with fewer words. However, that requires for both conversational partners to know the same version of the word's extended meaning.G. Janssen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 1:53 pmLet me know if you have any ideas. Maybe they will help me with the story.
This is one of the most difficult parts in translation, but also poses significant challenges if trying to understand a subculture's slang. Mizol Parat Tempo is of course well-trained in this matter, but for the other Loroi, who use language as straightforward as it gets, there is more than enough room for all kinds of hilarious misunderstandings.
It's just as terrible over here in Germany. Not to mention the insane utility costs. If this continues, all housing will be without electricity or gas, because nobody will be able to afford it.G. Janssen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 2:29 pmNot just the US estate market. Prices in the Netherlands and many other European countries are through the roof as well. An old, crappy little house on a tiny island in Frisia that has no electricity or gas and can only reached by boat went for more than 85,000. Average price for a house is 425,000. To buy a house these days, even the kids and the dog must have an income. Especially now interest is rising.
Therefore, that tiny cottage doesn't sound so bad, actually. Maybe I should seclude myself in there and write a book.
Isn't boat maintenance crazily expensive?G. Janssen wrote: ↑Fri Oct 07, 2022 2:29 pmI live cheap, because I live on a boat. But living on a boat is like living in a van: it has very little comfort. But it does let me choose my backyard.
Don't worry, it's Friday, so was about to head off and consume some mind bleach anyway.
My fanfic: A sword that wields itself
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G. Janssen
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Re: Californian Vacation
I would say that expenses = size^2 * hull_material.
A modern polyester boat is incredibly cheap in maintenance because the osmosis problem was solved.
Next is aluminium/aluminum.
Steel means always having to have a supply of paint aboard.
And wood is the most expensive and labor intensive.
My boat is a 36 feet long steel sail boat built in 1982. Cost of the marina in the Netherlands in summer: 2000 euros. In winter it's 1000. Marina costs vary wildly. Prizes in the UK for instance are absurd high.
The boat needs electricity or diesel for the heaters and engine. For the rest expenses consist of epoxy paint, antifouling, hull and engine anodes, engine oil and the occasional piece of steel because something rusted through (the anchor locker and hollow keel are trouble spots).
Fortunately I learned how to weld and how to fix classic diesel engines, so I do most maintenance myself. The boat costs me about 4,500 euros annually. That's 375 euros a month.
Once every 8 years I need new batteries, once every 15 years, the stays and shrouds need to be replaced.
I have a small kitchen, a toilet, a shower and my garden consists of a few potted cactuses. I wish I had a workshop though. But that's impossible on a small yacht.
Buying the boat, fixing its issues and bringing it up to spec cost me around 60,000 euros.
Re: Californian Vacation
For this, you could already rent a small apartment on the outskirts of Berlin, all utilities included. Well, at least before the recent price hike.
That would be about half an apartment here.
My fanfic: A sword that wields itself
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G. Janssen
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Re: Californian Vacation
I believe you. But I wouldn't be able to choose my neighbours, backyard and view.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/gjanssen/albums
Re: Californian Vacation
Oh, yes, with a boat, you can essentially take a vacation in your house. Or, take the house on your vacation? Anyway, thanks for sharing those awesome pictures!G. Janssen wrote: ↑Sat Oct 08, 2022 2:59 pmI believe you. But I wouldn't be able to choose my neighbours, backyard and view.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/gjanssen/albums
My fanfic: A sword that wields itself