[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Bamax]

Dragons and Godswar... oh my!

I was also surprised that the amplifiers turned to dust in their recent experiment. If I read it correctly, it sounds like that is not a common occurrence for the loroi. On a separate note, I cannot help but suspect that the Umiak perhaps don't have a lotai as the humans do. But rather have developed something that cause a form of disruption for the Farseeing amplifiers.

Imagine the loroi forced to face their own flaws and the possibility of their ancestors misdeeds. I truly wonder if the loroi, both in this fanfic and in the Outsider comic, can accept shame as a proud warrior culture. I remember a similar reference to 'dragons' in the fanfic, "Beacons". A mere coincidence perhaps?

Who knows? There will be those for it and against it for sure... revealing the truth.

I was raised up in a religion that taught that they had a monopoly on truth. Yet paradoxically admits they have made mistaken predictions.

Despite this, many inside it are unaware of just how many and exactly what they predicted wrong because the organization is intentionally both brief and vague when it speaks of it's past mistakes to active members.

What I am suggesting is that being aware of previous failures does not mean the powers that be will make it readily well known to all.

In fact often the only ones that will even try to make the truth readily and clearly known are those that oppose or are critical of the powers that be.

[Cthulhu]

Dragons and Godswar... oh my!

Well, the "Godswar" is obviously the Fall, albeit from a different perspective. Maybe a client race of the Soia? The Humans could've gotten the data from the Orgus, or found a cache somewhere. Then, the futuristic version of mass/pop culture got its virtual hands on that, and the legends ended up as material for some VR-MMO. But Dragons, that's quite unexpected. Or not? I think there was a prior reference already...

I was also surprised that the amplifiers turned to dust in their recent experiment. If I read it correctly, it sounds like that is not a common occurrence for the loroi.

No, the amplifiers are made of special ceramics and metal alloys, they are quite sturdy. The worst thing that could happen is for them to crack, but exploding or crumbling is out of the question. That's why they assumed that the long jump might have affected them in an unknown way.

On a separate note, I cannot help but suspect that the Umiak perhaps don't have a lotai as the humans do. But rather have developed something that cause a form of disruption for the Farseeing amplifiers.

I think that the Intermissions have explained that to a sufficient degree?

Imagine the loroi forced to face their own flaws and the possibility of their ancestors misdeeds. I truly wonder if the loroi, both in this fanfic and in the Outsider comic, can accept shame as a proud warrior culture. I remember a similar reference to 'dragons' in the fanfic, "Beacons". A mere coincidence perhaps?

Not a coincidence, but more of an inspiration.

Who knows? There will be those for it and against it for sure... revealing the truth.

I was raised up in a religion that taught that they had a monopoly on truth. Yet paradoxically admits they have made mistaken predictions.

Despite this, many inside it are unaware of just how many and exactly what they predicted wrong because the organization is intentionally both brief and vague when it speaks of it's past mistakes to active members.

What I am suggesting is that being aware of previous failures does not mean the powers that be will make it readily well known to all.

In fact often the only ones that will even try to make the truth readily and clearly known are those that oppose or are critical of the powers that be.

The Loroi don't have anything resembling a monolithic religion, and individuals may believe the legends, acknowledge them as history or ignore them. The protagonist, however, was raised in a traditionalist clan, and is therefore indoctrinated to a certain degree. Or maybe she is just too young and also too busy surviving to question the metaphysical?

[Snoofman]

So the humans may have had additional help from another party. Since God seems like a far fetch, I can only assume it must be aliens… or perhaps something conceived through human ingenuity. A super AI perhaps?!

[Cthulhu]

So the humans may have had additional help from another party. Since God seems like a far fetch, I can only assume it must be aliens… or perhaps something conceived through human ingenuity. A super AI perhaps?!

The summary specifically mentions that I would refrain from tropes like "deus ex machina" or "humans are Cthulhu". So, no, it's not God (or what/whoever those guys in the Intermissions worship). AI would be too far-fetches as well, Zarjow even refers to the very idea of sentient computers or digitized humans with disdain, calling that a dead end.

Which means that it must be something else. Perhaps the Zulotchi, after all? There might be even a hint in one of the seemingly innocuous Intermissions.

[Krulle]

Wow, that ending.

Thank you!

So, now at least one Human will know she has accessed at least one dream.
And then they have to compare notes...

[Snoofman]

Ooooooh... Emberwing's really up shitcreek now! If Alex, is as obnoxiously intelligent as he is both in comic and fanfic, then Emberwing and her comrades better tread lightly.

[Cthulhu]

Wow, that ending.

Thank you!

So, now at least one Human will know she has accessed at least one dream.
And then they have to compare notes...

It's not an ending just yet. The most interesting parts are still ahead.

Anyway, what makes you think that the Humans became aware of it just now?

Ooooooh... Emberwing's really up shitcreek now! If Alex, is as obnoxiously intelligent as he is both in comic and fanfic, then Emberwing and her comrades better tread lightly.

What's worse, here, he's also experienced. Not to mention having an entire crew's worth of specialists.

[Krulle]

Wow, that ending.

Thank you!

So, now at least one Human will know she has accessed at least one dream.
And then they have to compare notes...

It's not an ending just yet. The most interesting parts are still ahead.

Anyway, what makes you think that the Humans became aware of it just now? 8-)

Because Alexander's remark can be taken as a surprise.


And the ending referred to the ending of that chapter only.
Good way to keep people wanting to come back for more!

[Cthulhu]

Because Alexander's remark can be taken as a surprise.


And the ending referred to the ending of that chapter only.
Good way to keep people wanting to come back for more!

Yep. I ended it on this cliffhanger on purpose. Let's see how it turns out in the next chapter, but for now, here's an intermission.

[Krulle]

SpoilerShow

Just one type/lacking character:

Intermission R: A Relief?
[...]

The Elder was, as usual, lacking in decorum and reverence, not that she would mind. Actually, the Emperor preferred this brutal honesty, a refreshing change from all the scheming in the Diadem, [⁣I] “I’ll deal with her later. With the votes now split, I can order the main fleet to move with my authority instead.”

[...]

Thank you!

[Cthulhu]

SpoilerShow

Just one type/lacking character:

Intermission R: A Relief?
[...]

The Elder was, as usual, lacking in decorum and reverence, not that she would mind. Actually, the Emperor preferred this brutal honesty, a refreshing change from all the scheming in the Diadem, [⁣I] “I’ll deal with her later. With the votes now split, I can order the main fleet to move with my authority instead.”

[...]

Thank you!

It seems like the BBcode converter plugin is acting up again. Thanks for noticing.

[Krulle]

That's just a small thing.
I thank you for allowing me to notice such things by providing us with the fan fiction in the first place!

[Snoofman]

So the loroi are mobilizing. I ain’t no strategist but it seems risky gathering your main forces into one spot. Seems to leave the other jump points vulnerable. One thing that bothers me: I thought Farseer’s can’t do instant communication between each other over interstellar distances.

[Cthulhu]

That's just a small thing.
I thank you for allowing me to notice such things by providing us with the fan fiction in the first place!

I'm glad that my fanfic is still interesting enough.

So the loroi are mobilizing. I ain’t no strategist but it seems risky gathering your main forces into one spot. Seems to leave the other jump points vulnerable.

That's why the Diadem voted against dispatching both the strategic reserve and the main fleet to the Tinza sector. However, the Empire is not a democracy, so the Azerein can overrule a draw by taking command of the fleet by herself. Flaunting power in such a way is not a good strategy, though, that's why she compromised by leaving half the reserve fleet at Seren.

The only question is, why is she so sure that the main invasion happens in the Tinza sector, while the incursion in the Seren sector appears to be a mere diversion. Additional intelligence? Strategical insight? Just a hunch? Or, something else...

One thing that bothers me: I thought Farseer’s can’t do instant communication between each other over interstellar distances.

From the forum digests, first compilation, part XII:

SpoilerShow

For ordinary Loroi, detecting a telepathic transmission means being within the normal sending radius of that transmission. Loroi with exceptional telepathic sensitivity can detect transmissions beyond their normal range, and this can also be enhanced by large mechanical amplifiers. Such room-sized amplifiers are usually for the purpose of enhancing detection of signals (or mental signatures), and not broadcasting of signals.

Given enough power and instrumentality, it is possible to mechanically amplify an ordinary Loroi individual's telepathic transmission so that it may be readable at interstellar distances, but this is not usually done. Keep in mind that during the pre-starflight Loroi period of internecine warfare, amplified telepathic transmissions were used by the Loroi for the purpose of attacking the minds of their fellow Loroi, and the telepathic amplifiers worn by Mizol and Teidar are for the purpose of attack, not communication. If you imagine trying to amplify an audio signal generated from Chicago so that it could be heard in New York, and consider what that might do to the hearing of people in the surrounding areas, you get an idea of why this is potentially dangerous to unintended recipients. A telepathic signal can be focused in terms of "frequency" to attempt to limit the contact to an individual Loroi, but there are limits to how effective this focusing can be. Using telepathy at interstellar FTL communication is possible, but limited to unusual situations in which the target is a known amplified Farseer who can detect a transmission at a specific "frequency" and low enough power that it will not potentially lobotomize nearby ordinary Loroi, or where transmitter and receiver are in a "safe" location free of nearby vulnerable listeners, or else in such a desperate situation that the sender is willing to accept such a risk to telepathic bystanders. Warning an outpost of an incoming Umiak strike may not be worthwhile if you destroy the minds of the majority of the people you are trying to warn.

Farseers can sometimes transcend this limitation, but they are limited in number and, not to give too much away, in lifespan. Farseers are a limited resource that must be allocated very carefully.

Unless this was retconned, it might find usage in desperate situations. Whatever happened in that system between the sectors, the ship crew thought that the message needed to be sent at all costs. Which was also the last thought that they ever had...

[Bamax]

The last two entries were mildly more interesting than the ones that came before.

The plot seems like it may be moving onward from a standstill as it were.

[Cthulhu]

The last two entries were mildly more interesting than the ones that came before.

The plot seems like it may be moving onward from a standstill as it were.

Yeah, I already noticed that the build-up might have been too lengthy, and removed some stuff. Initially, I've planned for an additional dream sequence before this confrontation, for example. By the way, does this feel too abrupt or forced?

Anyway, the story should progress at a faster pace now. There are a couple more Chekhov's guns that need to be fired...

[Bamax]

Partially yes it does seem forced... at least how Emberwing is able to quickly jump to the conclusion that ALL the information shown her by the humans was made up or a lie.

What you don't know you don't know yet, even if the author does.

Beyond that... Emberwing seems as average as they come... generic even for a character. Nothing about her really stands out at all and she does not really seem impressive to me at all as a Loroi captain or Commander.

She seems... somewhat Mary Sue-ish. In that she has not faced any significant challenge since the first four chapters... which were arguably the most entertaining so far... besides the Stillstorm ones since I Ifind highly skilled people fascinating (wondering what makes them tick).

All she has really done since tge introductory chapters us is talk, shower, eat, talk some more, and oh yeah, broke some Loroi machines becaise she is a latent farseer or something.

Now talking in itself is not wrong... Color and Stealth had a plenty, but the difference is that in that work the plot always moved forward and you learned just enough about each side character to learn something about them that made you want to know more.

You too are capable of this, but somehow everything gets bogged down with the plodding minutia of Emberwing trying to understand the plot of the story itself.

[Cthulhu]

Partially yes it does seem forced... at least how Emberwing is able to quickly jump to the conclusion that ALL the information shown her by the humans was made up or a lie.

What you don't know you don't know yet, even if the author does.

That's indeed too strange, and she'll notice it soon enough. Perhaps I should've included more hints about the situation.

Beyond that... Emberwing seems as average as they come... generic even for a character. Nothing about her really stands out at all and she does not really seem impressive to me at all as a Loroi captain or Commander.

She seems... somewhat Mary Sue-ish. In that she has not faced any significant challenge since the first four chapters... which were arguably the most entertaining so far... besides the Stillstorm ones since I Ifind highly skilled people fascinating (wondering what makes them tick).

All she has really done since tge introductory chapters us is talk, shower, eat, talk some more, and oh yeah, broke some Loroi machines becaise she is a latent farseer or something.

How is she a Mary Sue, if she didn't face any significant challenges?

Since it's a story reversal, I devised the plot to be somewhat similar to the comic's one. That is, the protagonist getting dragged around. If you look at what Alex has been doing, it's mostly talking as well. Only the newest chapters have him participate in some action, albeit not quite voluntary.

Here, my protagonist finally decides to take the matters into her own hands.

Now talking in itself is not wrong... Color and Stealth had a plenty, but the difference is that in that work the plot always moved forward and you learned just enough about each side character to learn something about them that made you want to know more.

You too are capable of this, but somehow everything gets bogged down with the plodding minutia of Emberwing trying to understand the plot of the story itself.

I'll try and cut down on the minutia even more.

[Bamax]

Partially yes it does seem forced... at least how Emberwing is able to quickly jump to the conclusion that ALL the information shown her by the humans was made up or a lie.

What you don't know you don't know yet, even if the author does.

That's indeed too strange, and she'll notice it soon enough. Perhaps I should've included more hints about the situation.

Beyond that... Emberwing seems as average as they come... generic even for a character. Nothing about her really stands out at all and she does not really seem impressive to me at all as a Loroi captain or Commander.

She seems... somewhat Mary Sue-ish. In that she has not faced any significant challenge since the first four chapters... which were arguably the most entertaining so far... besides the Stillstorm ones since I Ifind highly skilled people fascinating (wondering what makes them tick).

All she has really done since tge introductory chapters us is talk, shower, eat, talk some more, and oh yeah, broke some Loroi machines becaise she is a latent farseer or something.

How is she a Mary Sue, if she didn't face any significant challenges?

Since it's a story reversal, I devised the plot to be somewhat similar to the comic's one. That is, the protagonist getting dragged around. If you look at what Alex has been doing, it's mostly talking as well. Only the newest chapters have him participate in some action, albeit not quite voluntary.

Here, my protagonist finally decides to take the matters into her own hands.

Now talking in itself is not wrong... Color and Stealth had a plenty, but the difference is that in that work the plot always moved forward and you learned just enough about each side character to learn something about them that made you want to know more.

You too are capable of this, but somehow everything gets bogged down with the plodding minutia of Emberwing trying to understand the plot of the story itself.

I'll try and cut down on the minutia even more.

Alex has faced drama even while with the Loroi.

Some don't like him or trust him and have shown it (Fireblade and Stillstorm).


He has trouble digesting their food AND they tortured him for information AND they put him in a guarded prison cell.

Alex has had it so much worse that by comparison Emberwing has being living in a 4 star hotel.

No human there has acted like they disliked her. Nor have they tortured her or put her in a guarded prison cell.

Which by the way... are things human governments would readily do with any slien species if they were aware they posessed Teidar superpowers.

With Loroi there is way of knowing whether they are uber or just normal.

Perhaps the story would have been interesting for dramas sake if Emberwing were Teidar.... too late for that now.

[Cthulhu]

Alex has faced drama even while with the Loroi.

Some don't like him or trust him and have shown it (Fireblade and Stillstorm).

Well, he was "promoted" from being a victim and a prisoner to being a chess piece in a political game and a study object, then "demoted" to a unit of hot luggage and then, an auxiliary warrior. My point was that he was mostly controlled by circumstances and outside forces, only now does he have some ability to act on his own.

He has trouble digesting their food AND they tortured him for information AND they put him in a guarded prison cell.

Honestly, I find both points to be somewhat silly. Imprisonment might make some sense, maybe it was related to the issues between Stillstorm and Tempo. But food? C'mon, they should've been able to synthesize some base substances using food items or even his own cells as the base.

Alex has had it so much worse that by comparison Emberwing has being living in a 4 star hotel.

No human there has acted like they disliked her. Nor have they tortured her or put her in a guarded prison cell.

That's because the Humans wanted to meet the Loroi. Rescuing a survivor and delivering her back was a nice diplomatic bonus, as well as a study case while they were underway. Why would they mistreat her?
However, if things were to go south, the attitude could change. Alex did say something about a "permanent asylum".

Which by the way... are things human governments would readily do with any slien species if they were aware they posessed Teidar superpowers.

With Loroi there is way of knowing whether they are uber or just normal.

In the comic? The authorities would freak out, but since the Loroi are (still) a superpower, there's little that they could do. Even if the Teidar were to be part of a diplomatic mission, for example, the Humans would be ill-advised to do as much as to protest.

In my fanfic, well, who says that the Humans can't counter that?

Perhaps the story would have been interesting for dramas sake if Emberwing were Teidar.... too late for that now.

I've used dice to generate her character, so the "class", rank and age were up to chance. Also, a Teidar might've caused issues with early spoilers.