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[Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Completed: 06/04/2018)
Page 4 of 7

Author:  halftea [ Tue Apr 26, 2016 9:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

Siber wrote:
Edit: Tangentially, I'd also like to point out that you can't really guarantee that a country that calls itself something fits the proper definition of that thing, in fiction or in reality.

A wonderful case in point: The Democratic People's Republic of Korea!

Author:  Grayhome [ Tue Apr 26, 2016 2:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

Nah, I'm good Siber.

A wonderful case in point: The Democratic People's Republic of Korea!

An excellent example of another fascinating topic concerning pseudo-democracies, a type of government which has seen a rise in numbers over the past few decades. While a fascinating topic in and of itself, it doesn't relate to early American government or the Confederate States of America, both of which were Confederations and are used as examples of failed forms of government in history, anthropology, sociology, political science, government classes in the United States.

The academic community is very clear on this subject.

Author:  Krulle [ Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

"German Democratic Republic", "People's Democratic Republic", ...
"Democratic" in the name usually forespells less democrcy....

Sorry, topic closed.....

Author:  Grayhome [ Wed Apr 27, 2016 4:57 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

A wonderful case in point: The Democratic People's Republic of Korea!

"German Democratic Republic", "People's Democratic Republic", ...
"Democratic" in the name usually forespells less democrcy....
Sorry, topic closed.....

Edit: Tangentially, I'd also like to point out that you can't really guarantee that a country that calls itself something fits the proper definition of that thing, in fiction or in reality.

All very true points.

So what?

This conversation is regarding what governments are in reality, not what they claim to be. Specifically confederation governments. The Confederacy and the early U.S. government were both confederation style governments which failed miserably. Either dying off or undergoing such radical revision that they ceased being confederations.

To reiterate the conversation so far has focused on the substance of what a confederation is. The fact that people misname other forms of government has no bearing on it.

Author:  Absalom [ Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

Grayhome wrote:
To reiterate the conversation so far has focused on the substance of what a confederation is. The fact that people misname other forms of government has no bearing on it.
A quick review says the conversation is about relative opinions of Confederations, and only vaguely that. What the substance of one is should be very quick to work out: throw out a few definitions, and see which sticks best.

A shame that the only one stated to be a scholar of Poli-Sci hasn't posted a definition yet, *hint* *hint*.

Edited in: Also, I don't think most of the forumites are interested, best to get this wrapped up before the next chapter pops.

Author:  Grayhome [ Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

Absalom I've already told you that I have no interest in communicating with you anymore, as you have proven that you have no interest in an honest and adult conversation.

It's just not going to happen, I mean this as respectfully as I possibly can. When you propose a position and then refuse to provide evidence to support your position I simply have no choice but to tune you out. Especially when several academic fields vehemently deny the validity of your position.

Your ad homonym attacks upon my person do nothing to support your position nor do they discredit mine. Your continued refusal to address the issue is simply making you look childish and trollish.

Author:  Absalom [ Sat Apr 30, 2016 10:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

If the "position" is my comments on the usefulness of confederations, then I'll make it quick: confederations are alliances where the members are only loosely bound to the decisions of the group, and therefor confederations are suited to situations where you do want a group, but are only willing to be loosely bound to it: my "position" is drawn directly from what a confederation actually is. My comments on the usefulness of confederations were all examples and metaphors as to why a confederation might be situationally found appropriate.

I have now provided both a definition, and a reason for my "position" (the "position" is too flimsy for evidence: it's drawn directly from the traits of the subject itself, and "evidence" would require something a little more meaty than the overglorified restatements that I've made: "air is a fluid because things that flow like air are called fluids" doesn't get evidence, it gets a footnote before being forgotten).

You, in comparison, have not even attempted to provide a definition, and the sum total of your "evidence" for any your "positions" is, and I quote:
Grayhome wrote:
The academic community is very clear on this subject.
link, and that position was pseudo-democracies, as you stated yourself. You may want to throw around poli-sci info like the physics grads throw around theirs, but that requires actually laying out some real info, not making vague statements of amusement and dismissal.

If this post hasn't addressed the issue, then say what the issue is already.

Grayhome wrote:
Absalom I've already told you that I have no interest in communicating with you anymore, as you have proven that you have no interest in an honest and adult conversation.
Also, what I stated was nothing more than disinterest in a particular degree field. If you've mistaken that for a lack of interest in "an honest and adult conversation", then you should review that post.

Author:  Krulle [ Sat Apr 30, 2016 12:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

Grayhome wrote:
This conversation is regarding what governments are in reality, not what they claim to be. Specifically confederation governments.
If I remember correctly, this conversation is a sidetrack of the actual discussion, which is about a fan-fiction of an excellent webcomic, which updates rather sporadically...

Author:  Grayhome [ Sat Apr 30, 2016 1:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

If I remember correctly, this conversation is a sidetrack of the actual discussion, which is about a fan-fiction of an excellent webcomic, which updates rather sporadically...

Then stop talking to me. At this point I'm only responding to questions and comments directed at me.

Absalom I am not interested in a conversation with you at this time. Please stop communicating with me.

Author:  Krulle [ Sat Apr 30, 2016 1:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/201

Grayhome, that was not directed at you, but just a quote out of your post I stumbled over and could not keepnshut about.
The last few posts you two pretendet the title of this thread is "Define Confederation", which is not this thread's sole topic.

Anyway, have fun!

Author:  Hālian [ Mon Jun 13, 2016 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)

meep? :(

Author:  Krulle [ Tue Jun 14, 2016 1:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)


(i am referring to the names of Yehat star ships and their captains)

Author:  dragoongfa [ Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

Chapter 3, part 1

Torrai Lashret Stillstorm frowned as she watched the video feed of the alien being escorted to the Mizol’s quarters. She didn’t like having aliens on her ship, with the possible exception of useful prisoners of war, but there it was; a damnable alien that looked almost exactly like a male but taller, with pink skin, facial hair and round ears. It was also a telepath, a telekinetic and had some form of an impregnable Lotai up at all times.

Its claims of being a Senator of a ‘Terran Confederation’, sounded ridiculous at first making her and almost everyone else believe that it was either a construct of the enemy or it worked directly with them both sound theories and both of them disproven when they found its ship soon after they put it in the brig. What was worse, for her pride at least, was the near certainty that this was the very same ship that the Shells fired upon when they broke cover in the opening stages of the battle which meant that the overwhelming Loroi victory was owed to the same alien she had wanted the Teidar to interrogate.

Now the 51st surrounded the derelict and she was at a complete loss on how to proceed. Salvaging as much as they could from the alien ship was the obvious course of action and thankfully the Mizol made it clear to the Barsam courier that everything recovered from the wreck was now a military secret. The ship’s technology was just too advanced to risk information about it leaking to anyone but what would she do when the Shells would come to claim it?

The derelict was still in one piece despite the monstrous damage it had taken earlier, a fact which meant that the combined firepower of the 51st would not be able to guarantee that nothing would be left of it when they would have to abandon their position to the Shells. Tempest’s Wave Loom was an additional option but the weapon had its issues and there was still no guarantee that even it would completely annihilate the derelict.

There was of course the possibility that the Shells had already withdrawn from the system, their losses so far would make such a course of action prudent but only a scant few of their commanders were smart enough to do that and those who were would certainly want to know what happened to the advanced ship that cost them the battle.

She looked up from her console and unwillingly marveled at the derelict through the bridge’s holographic display system. It’s still discernible lines made it pleasing to look at, its shape reminding her of the fishes she caught during her diral days back on Taben; fully symmetrical and seemingly aerodynamic the alien ship gave the impression that it used to swim in the vastness of space in the same way that those fishes swam at the vast Tabenese oceans.

She felt conflicted when she caught herself thinking like that, before the war she would certainly believe that the discovery of such a ship and the telepathic alien would be the greatest achievement of her life but now she couldn’t help but feel stupid for once having such an outlook. They were all complacent back then, fully believing themselves superior to any possible enemy and they all paid the price for it. They were all proud in their telepathy and martial traditions and that pride was the very reason they forgot the real horrors of war. The Shells reminded them these horrors in every battle they fought and every such reminder cost them dearly. They all thought that they had learned from their mistakes after so many defeats; they certainly remembered how duplicitous and treacherous aliens really were, they remembered how to kill and leave nothing to the enemy. They even remembered how victory tasted like, yet it wasn’t enough for an enemy of such caliber. In the brief time of continuous success they thought themselves as warriors again and all Loroi warriors paid the price of this folly and Stillstorm was not an exception.

They were all fools to believe that the war would be over so easily, they were fools to believe themselves as warriors again just because of a mere handful of victories. A true warrior does not consider herself a victor until every last of her enemies lies dead. A true warrior should never listen to an alien on how to fight and when to show mercy. A true warrior should never forget that aliens were the ones who started all of the wars but a Loroi warrior was the one who finished them. They suffered in this war and they had to suffer to the last warrior; that was the only way for them to become true warriors again. If that meant a few extra dead warriors then so be it, at least their death would have a meaning; unlike the deaths of the billions of fools that had pampered themselves during the false long peace.

She has no illusions on the matter, the alien may look like a male but she held no doubt that it and its ilk would just bring more war and destruction upon all of them. The Loroi as a whole had to prepare themselves to fight this new foe no matter how outmatched the Union was at the time being.

Stillstorm’s curiosity was picked when she saw the alien greet the two Tenoins as they passed by him. She remembered that Tenoin Arrir Talon was the one who brought the alien in and wondered if perhaps the young Tenoin noticed something that everyone else missed; for a moment she wondered why she didn’t thought of this earlier but just shrugged the thought away and used her commander’s authority to open a channel with the Tenoin’s armor communicator.

“Tenoin Arrir Talon, I want to ask you a few questions while you are still able.”

“Yes my Lashret?” She saw the Tenoin tense at the secondary video feed and couldn’t help but smile, the young ones were always tense when her gaze was set upon them; perhaps she was still able to turn some of them into proper warriors.

“Did you notice anything weird on the alien when you brought it aboard and when you passed by it now?”

“He seemed friendly and greeted us on his own.” Stillstorm couldn’t help but frown at the warrior’s use of ‘he’ instead of ‘it’; she didn’t want her warriors to start getting overly friendly with an alien especially one who could end up being an enemy. “But I didn’t bring him aboard, Spiral did.”

“I am certain that it was you Tenoin, I personally gave the order.” She saw both Tenoins becoming perplexed as they communicated through Sanzai for a few moments.

“I didn’t bring him in… but Spiral also says that she wasn’t the one either.” Her anger rose at that but she managed to keep it in check.

“This is not a diral game for you two to play games Tenoins.” Stillstorm chastised them.

“I… we weren’t the ones who brought the alien in my Lashret. We are not lying.”

“Then who did?”

“I don’t know my Lashret. I was certain that it was Spiral but neither of us did.”

“I will check who did personally and I hope that you are not playing a stupid game with me Tenoins.” Stillstorm replied and closed the channel before she could say something unnecessary, the two Tenoins has been exemplar up to that point and perhaps she was the one who remembered wrong. She immediately searched for the electronic records but she couldn’t find what she was looking for and resigned to ask this shift’s Listel.

“Listel Tozet Antimony, did Listel Tozet Beryl send you her shift’s memories before you relieved her?”

“Yes my Lashret.”

“Did she by any chance forget to write down the report about the alien's retrieval?”

“No she did that.”

“Then where is it? I cannot find it.”

“It should be…” The Listel sent as she in turn searched for the report. “It’s not here, the system must be glitched as Beryl’s memories are quite clear that she did write it and save it.”

“I should have asked you first. Who was the one who brought the alien onboard after we found it?”

“Tenoins Talon and Spiral.”
Antimony reported.

“Both of them?”

“Yes my Lashret, you had insisted in not splitting them up in order not to demoralize them despite the fact that they are the last two survivors of their squadron.”

“Yes but I remember that only Talon went to retrieve the alien and both of them now insist that neither of them went.”

“Beryl’s memories are clear: both of them went, pilot and co-pilot and one of them would do the necessary EVA to retrieve the alien.” Antimony replied.
Stillstorm frowned in thought at that, Listel Tozet Beryl was a lot of things but a careless and mentally unstable Listel wasn’t one of them. She reached for her comms in order to ask the Tenoins again but she saw that both of them had been already suited up and were in the process of filling their lungs with the liquid breathing medium so she refrained from doing that. After a moment of hesitation she decided to just ask the Gallen who was in charge of maintaining the shuttles.

“Gallen Wildkey!”

“Yes my Lashret?” The Gallen replied with an obvious startled tone.

“Do you remember the shuttle sortie that brought the alien onboard?”

“Of course my Lashret.”

“Who were its pilot and co-pilot?”

“I… I think… I am not sure my Lashret.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t remember who it was. I think that it was Tenoin Talon and a Soroin assistant for the EVA.”

“A Soroin? Not Tenoin Spiral?”

“Yes my Lashret.”

“Don’t you remembered who signed the shuttle back in when you run the after flight check?”

“I…wait a moment my Lashret…” She saw the Gallen check something on her console for a few moments. “I remember inspecting the shuttle right after Teidar Pallan Fireblade and the Doranzers took the alien away. Whoever flew wasn’t there to sign it in… The Tenoins are all young and stressed so they must have forgotten about the after flight check.” Stillstorm frowned deeply at that, had she really misjudged the state of mind of the two Tenoin’s so much?

“Was there anything wrong with the shuttle?”

“It was in excellent condition and… that’s odd… I must have mistyped that the fuel reserve was still 100% after the flight.”

“Thank you Gallen, that will be all.” Stillstorm closed the channel and frowned. For some reason she clearly remember that Talon alone had gone to retrieve the alien despite protocol and now that she thought about it she wondered why she didn’t send an armed escort as well since the alien could have been an enemy combatant; a serious lapse of judgment from her part that completely evaded her attention but that wasn’t the most perplexing thing. The Listels remembered that both Talon and Spiral went to retrieve the alien but the two Tenoins were certain that they weren’t the ones who did so. Even the Gallen who signed the shuttle back in wasn’t certain about who was the pilot and then there was the issue with the two reports.

“Something isn’t right…”
She thought before turning to Rune-Laurel

“Do you have any reports about weird behavior from the crew or malfunctions from the ship’s systems?”
Stillstorm asked her executive officer.

“Crew morale is normal, no reports of abnormal behavior. Engineering has reported that they had to boost the ship’s life support systems by 10% after the systems reported diminishing oxygen levels. They are currently trying to find the cause.”

“Why wasn’t I informed?”
She asked angrily.

“I didn’t want to bother you my Lashret, such issues are to be expected since Tempest hasn’t undergone a proper dockyard maintenance for some time now and we have been pushing it beyond its specifications.”

“That’s…” Stillstorm stopped herself from chastising her Mallas, Rune-Laurel had done an exemplar job of running the ship and she knew that Tempest had been through a lot without proper support and maintenance. That fact that the ship still run without a hitch could only be attributed to the Mallas’s efforts in directing the crew.

“Nevermind, when did the oxygen deficiency start?
” Stillstorm felt the relief from her Mallas as the Soroin looked through the reports.

“It started right before we jumped in system.”

“So it isn’t stress damage from the battle nor related to the alien.”
Stillstorm thought.

“No one in Engineering has been able to find a cause, they say that it is as if the ship suddenly had its crew increase by 10%.”
Stillstorm leaned back to her chair in thought. Too many things were simply wrong, all of them could be explained one way or the other; from personnel fatigue and stress to a lack of proper maintenance but for some reason she couldn’t stop thinking that the alien was responsible for everything. An idea came to her and she begun to search for proof in the ship’s database.

“Rune-Laurel, check the logs from engineering and see if the med-bay’s energy demands were enough to power the regenerator when the alien was healed.”

“Yes my Lashret.” The Mallas acknowledged while Stillstorm begun watching the recording from the moment the alien was brought into the med-bay. It was plainly obvious that its limp body was dead and it did look like Doranzer Mazil-Toza Patience saved its life but for some reason she couldn’t accept what she was seeing. Everything just went too smoothly and too quickly. It was an alien with a completely unknown biochemistry, it may have looked like a Loroi but the Doranzer seemed to be on point without making a single mistake. It was as if she had saved a countless number of such aliens before.

“My Lashret it is odd, the logs from engineering don’t show a power draw from the med-bay’s regenerator but the med-bay’s logs do show that the regenerator was active and running the whole time."

“The machine cannot work without power!”
Stillstorm pointed out.

“I know but the logs indicate that the regenerator didn’t draw any power.”

“But that’s impossible the Doranzer used the regenerator to heal the…”

“My Lashret…”
She turned instantly to see who bothered her despite the fact that the sending itself betrayed a deep level of awe and respect towards her.

“What is it Soroin Passet Cloud?”
Her annoyance immediately shifted from the young Passet to the damnable Mizol who used her as her personal aide. The Mizol swore that she needed help to fulfill her duties to the fullest extent but Stillstorm knew that it was a lie and the true reason was to spite her. Stillstorm had been a Soroin before becoming a Torrai and to see even a Passet be reduced to a Mizol’s servant infuriated her beyond measure. Yet another constant reminder that the damnable caste now run the Union.

“Mizol Parat Tempo ordered me to tell you in person that you were right but she doesn’t want any trouble.”

“Right about what?”

“She didn’t say my Lashret.”
The Passet replied before remembering something. ”She did ask about Listel Tozet Beryl and Teidar Pallan Fireblade before ordering me to do so. I told her that Teidar Pallan Fireblade wasn’t as she usually is.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Teidar felt as if she was at peace my Lashret.”

“The alien!” Stillstorm finally realized. The alien was at the center of everything and the Mizol was trying to warn her. She didn’t know how it did it but the alien had tricked them all. Everything about it must have been a lie. The shuttle didn’t consume any fuel, there was no report of the alien’s retrieval and the Tenoins didn’t remember anything because the shuttle never actually left Tempest. The Doranzer didn’t heal the alien because the regenerator didn’t draw any power in order to do so and worse of all the life support systems didn’t malfunction; it was just that the alien wasn’t the only one on the ship!

But she remembered everything else clearly, everyone did including the Listels. It was insane but there was no other explanation, they had been all trapped in an alien ploy and Tempest had tried to warn them yet they didn’t pay any attention. The aliens tricked them all in a way they thought impossible and now Tempest was undoubtedly teeming with them and they couldn’t even sense or see them! She didn’t care if the aliens were working with the Shells or not, they would pay dearly for all this trickery.

“Alert, Fifty-One. This is Winter Tide reporting from forward six-one-seven. We have enemy vessels emerging from the dust clouds.” Soroin Torret Nova of Winter Tide reported. “Division sized formation on intercept… No two division sized formations on interc… Correction three division sized formations on intercept vector. The second and third formations have a core of Superheavies.”
Stillstorm nearly gasped when she saw the three Shell formations which were clearly arranged to hit them one after the other without allowing her task-group any chance of regrouping between strikes. The Superheavies meant that the Shells were intent on annihilating the. There was no chance of survival if they fought, they had to run then and there and even running had its risks as the Shells already had a speed advantage. Worst of all the aliens aboard were certainly in league with the Shells, there was no way this whole thing was a coincidence which meant that Tempest was doomed.

It was at that moment that she noticed that the holographic images had frozen in place, in fact the whole bridge had just stopped moving as if time itself had stopped.

“It takes a lot of effort to keep you fully lucid and in control Torrai Lashret Stillstorm so please don’t try anything stupid.” The sender was right beside her, it was another alien drabbed in some short of silver full body armor. “Please stay calm and the senator will explain everything.” The sending was impossibly precise and nearly emotionless, only passing along the fact that the alien meant her no harm. Despite this realization she contemplated for a splitting moment if she should lounge at it with her knife. “It wouldn’t be prudent from your part and you won’t accomplish anything other than humiliating yourself. Please stay calm and wait for the Senator.” She looked around in near panic only to see five more such aliens surrounding her while several more were spread out throughout the bridge.

“Thank you for going along with my request marines.” An other alien broadcasted right after it suddenly appeared at the middle of the bridge, it was the Senator; the alien they had supposedly rescued earlier that day. “I apologize for keeping you waiting Lashret Stillstorm, the second crossfire game dragged on for longer than I expected.”

“What do you want and what are you doing to my crew and my ship?”

“Straight to the point? I like that and it saves me some time.”
The alien sent and smiled annoyingly. “To put it as plainly as possible we have simply stopped time, everything in this and the surrounding star systems is currently subjected to this effect."

“You have stopped time?”
Stillstorm asked in complete disbelief.

“It is the simplest explanation, the slightly more complicated one is that we have caused time to run slower by a few million times. The workings of the temporal subdimensions being what they are I doubt that you can even begin to comprehend anything more complicated than this.”

“What do you want?”

“Mizol Parat Tempo asked me that as well…”
The alien replied and smiled again. “First I would like to properly introduce myself. I am Fleet Admiral Alexander Jardin, retired. Senator of the Terran Confederation, member of the Senatorial council holding the seat of the department of defence.”

“An obvious lie.”

“No it isn’t and you know it.” It was true, it had its mind guarded and its sending was impossibly precise but there was no deception in its sending. “As for what I want? First I want you to start considering me a He, for your sanity at least.” She didn’t reply at that. “I will give you some time to ponder on it but for now lets see what your command is up against shall we?” The alien continued and looked at the still images of the Shell armada that was bearing down on the 51st.

“We both know that you are going to direct your puppets to kill us so don’t play any games with me.”

“Our puppets? The Shells?”
The alien laughed at that. “Your kind will be the only puppets we will ever need and that’s only up to a point, the only purpose that these empty husks will serve will be in providing target practice for your gunners.”

“Why all this then?”

“Because we want you Loroi to play an important part in a grant scheme we are going to play and this scheme requires quite a great deal of misdirection and lying.”
He turned to look at her before continuing. “You Torrai Lashret Stillstorm will play a central role in it.”

“I won’t be a part of your games!”

“You mean that you don’t want to kill all these Shells?
He sent as he waved towards the holographic display. That you don’t want to lead the Union’s fleets deep into Hierarchy space in order to avenge your daughters and every last Loroi that the Shells have murdered?”


“That is what I am offering and I guarantee to you that Loroi lives matter more to us humans than the lives of all other aliens in existence, this despite the fact that you are all still a little bit more than animals to us.” She knew that the alien was sincere in everything it sent to her and she knew that there was a lot more that it, he, hadn’t told her yet. For some reason she knew that the alien could easily provide everything he told her and more and yet she couldn’t accept it at all.

“I won’t take part in a lie!”

“I expected as much which is why I will keep the offer standing for now.”
The alien then turned and started to walk away from her. “Come with me, you and three of your subordinates have been chosen to be made privy of certain facts that will change your point of view.”

Chapter 3, part 2: viewtopic.php?p=24932#p24932

Author:  Tamri [ Tue Jun 14, 2016 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

Interesting, interesting.

If the crew of the Vortex to increase by 10%, you get people to 80. It is they who have brought so many people for crowd, or they all are really necessary?
How strange ... With their capabilities, though not open completely, they could easily crank out all the corrections, so that no one would notice nothing, even turn over every atom of the ship. Instead, they leave so many footprints so that the intervention observed even those whom this intervention is directly concerned, not to mention those who seem to had as long as possible not suspect about anything. That suggests that it was all part of the plan. But if they had to inform about yourself and your abilities the main chips, why attract attention and arouse suspicion among other uninvolved? Somehow complicated turns.

Author:  dragoongfa [ Wed Jun 15, 2016 3:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

This will be covered in the next part but you are right the stuff that the humans missed were all intentional and easily corrected, even after the fact. If they wanted they would be able to completely manipulate the Loroi without them realizing anything but for some reason cooperation is required from some key players.

Author:  Durabys [ Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

I am starting to hope some kind of super!aliens come along and swipe that arrogant attitude from Humanity away. Because these guys behave like the Advent from the Sins of a Solar Empire or Zhodani from Traveler/Fourth Imperium.

Who are the Zhodani? Basically. This AU's Humanity. Only Psions of certain strength are considered by the Psionic Zhodani Magocrats as actual sentient beings. Anybody below a certain threshold is thought of as an animal or pet to be leashed and exploited as less then a slave. Any body who doesn't have Psi is considered unliving scenery. YES. 'unliving scenery'..AKA: rocks, plants, hills, sand. A Zhodani 'removing' 'something' like that from view won't be even noticed by other Zhodani. They simply do not care.

Which is also the reason why the Fourth Imperium is in an eternal Cold War with the Zhodani. There can never be ANY peace of ANY sort with them.

Fuck Humans. FUCK..ALL..OF..THEM.

:evil: I want this Humanity die in fire and brimstone when they themself piss off something or somebody more powerful then them with their behavior. :evil:

Author:  dragoongfa [ Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

Unfortunately (or Fortunately depending on your point of view once certain revelations are made) this humanity doesn't have any tangible opposition.

They ain't well meaning heroes but they ain't the genocidal type of evil either.

Author:  dragoongfa [ Fri Jul 22, 2016 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

Chapter 3, part 2

She couldn’t play along anymore, she went with it believing that the others would somehow act while she distracted him but no help had come and she didn’t believe that any help would come at this point.

“For how long are you to continue this farce?” Beryl asked, interrupting the cheerful discussion between the Senator and Parat Tempo.

“What do you mean Tozet Beryl?” Senator Jardin replied as Pallan Fireblade and Parat Tempo turned to look at her with looks full of questions.

“I am a Listel, my task is to observe, record and analyze everything I witness. I hoped beyond reason and even managed to convince myself for some time that all of this was true but we both know that it isn’t. I am not that much of a fool not to realized that this is too good to be true.” Beryl replied and everything around her changed the moment after she uttered the last word.

“Indeed it is not true.” The most shocking thing of all was the Senator’s sending; by all accounts she should be celebrating the occasion of an alien telepath communicating to her via Sanzai but the circumstances weren’t such that they would allow her to do that.

“Why?” Her whole body refused to move while both Fireblade and Tempo weren’t at the places they were moments ago. Fireblade was sitting next to her, the Teidar’s eyes closed as if meditating while Tempo was studying a crossfire board in front of her as if she was playing a game with the Senator who had now turned to look at her. What should have shocked was the fact that only he was moving, the other two seemed to be frozen solid in place.

“It’s all part of an important and necessary lesson for you and the others who have been chosen by us. In a little while you will be allowed to pass along your experiences to the other three in order for all of you to form a clear picture but for now there are plenty of things that must be done, explained and showed to you.”
The Senator replied with an impossibly precise sending.

“What’s going on?” She asked, realizing that she should have panicked by all this but for some reason she was perfectly calm.

“It’s a power we call Chronokinesis. It’s similar and related to telepathy and telekinesis and the other ascendant powers your kind possesses as well. What you are experiencing now is time being slowed from the amplified concentration of several million humans in this system. Currently the effect covers a bubble of space with a diameter of about 12 light Tozons. The current slowing factor is about 12 million times slower than the average time speed on the sea surface of Deinar.”

“You can slow time?” She asked, not believing what she had just received.

“Yes. Time is a core dimension of this Universe which means that it can be manipulated to a degree by those who have Ascended.”

“Ascended? Like the legends?”

“Yes, just like your myths of old Ascendants are beings whose existence surpasses all others. Every species that reaches the 16th Tech Level should be considered an Ascendant but we are different by the unique virtue of having evolved with these capabilities, the Soians took our natural abilities away from us but we managed to reclaim them when we also reached the 16th Tech Level. You Loroi are the sole exception to the rule by virtue of being an intentionally scaled down copy of ours.”

“You are tech level 16?” She couldn’t believe that but somehow she knew that now he was telling the truth, not because they were now communicating via Sanzai but because her instincts somehow confirmed the truth.

“Indeed we are but calling it a tech level is a misnomer that has stuck even with us. Technological knowledge and mastery comes to an end at the peak of tech level 15. Strictly speaking there are no more avenues of technological research after that point. However this doesn’t mean that advancement halts itself when someone has unlocked all existing knowledge there is to be found in the universe. The advent of tech level 16 is when a species takes its accumulated knowledge and uses it to alter itself to become an Ascendant. Its because of this reason why we humans consider ourselves True Ascendants, we evolved with these powers after all, as such we didn’t need to alter ourselves in any meaningful way in order to become far more powerful on an individual level than all other Ascendants we have observed so far and we did so without suffering the universal mental side-effects all others we have observed suffer from.”

“A species needs to alter itself in order to Ascend? And mental side-effects?”

“Yes, your creators the Soians weren’t always Ascendants. They Ascended by altering themselves down to their biochemistry level, this thorough alteration however was the basis of the side-effects that were the basis of their undoing at the hands of your ancestors.”

“What do you mean?” The Senator’s perfect façade was momentarily shattered as a torrent of sentiments rushed out of him and nearly drowned out all reason in their wake. Anger, disgust, resentment and more just sprung forward before being beat back by his force of will alone.

“It’s complicated. Nearly all Ascendants end up seeing themselves as gods to rule over all lesser beings in any way they see fit. We humans want to see ourselves as different due to the way our ancestors were treated by the Soians who blinded our natural powers, an event which sent us to the brink of extinction. In the end our ancient saying ‘all advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic’ perfectly encapsulates what an Ascendant truly is, just advanced enough intelligent beings who have unlocked the secrets of the Universe and can toy with them at will as if they are gods. No one is a god however and no one can ever become a god; your ancestors just happened to be the ones who taught the Soians what the price of that level of hubris is.”

“You mean that our ancestors were the ones who caused the downfall of the Soians?”


“For some reason you are apprehensive at all that.”

“Indeed…” Beryl clearly felt surprise at that despite his mental discipline. “Do not consider me a friend. I am here because honor demands it of me, not because I hold sympathy for your kind.” He again let out his sentiments surface; she could easily sense his truthfulness, a sense of resentment, disgust and even… resignation in the futility of the endeavor he now partook in.

“Why do all this if you don’t believe in it?” Beryl asked and a deep seated conflict immediately burst into the forefront of the senator’s mind.

“Despite our deep seated animosity to your creators and what they stood for; many of us still wanted you to be better than us. It is the depravity that your kind showed after annihilating the Soians that we hold you accountable for. We witnessed how the daughters perceived motherly affection as weakness and stroke down the ones who saved both our kinds…” The Senator closed his mind again and shook his head at that. “I am getting ahead of myself, you and the other three that have been chosen will witness the truth and make of it what you will but for now I want you to hold your questions back and tell me the results of your analysis of the illusions you have experienced so far.”

“I initially believed that everything I saw was some sort of a powerful, subtle and extremely precise telepathic technique but now I doubt that.” Beryl replied.

“It may surprise you but a lot of what you witnessed was mostly down to telekinesis, electrokinesis in particular.”

“You mean you manipulated the bioelectricity within our nervous systems?”

“Indeed. The nervous system of all living beings can be subtly manipulated in such a way by someone who is quick and skilled enough to do that. Your senses and your body where fully under the control of a specialist who had slowed down their own time, this was more than enough to control you like a puppet while giving you the illusions you were living in. In fact at the moment my body is here with you three but a mental projection of mine is ‘escorting’ Lashret Stillstorm where we will meet her shortly, I am not the one creating the projection but I can control it via proxy.”

“What you describe requires an impossibly precise level of telekinetic control and discipline.” Beryl commented.

“I think that it is obvious by now that an unbelievably wide chasm exists between the Ascendant abilities of Loroi and Humans. A chasm that is there because your ancestors acted like animals interested only in breeding, eating and killing.” The Senator replied, this time managing to project a flawless mental discipline that didn’t let anything through.

“Do you mean the regression cycles of Deinar?”

“Partially, what we humans hold against you goes deeper than that but these regression cycles only aid in highlighting your failings. These unceasing cycles of out of control population growth and the resulting population crashes due to starvation only highlighted the fact; after all, only animals allow themselves to breed to the point where food becomes scant. It took your kind uncountable generations to start acting on controlling your base urges but are you truly ready to properly Ascend or will your mantra of ‘Ascension through community only’ get you only this far before you consume yourselves and all others you are close to?” Beryl thought of pointing out that the other two sister worlds didn’t face the regression cycles but for some reason her instincts warned her that he already had an answer to that.

“The Loroi of Perrein had to contend with their extremely dangerous environment while the Tabenese Loroi didn’t have the land area to breed in enough numbers in order to be able to make a destructive impact on the sea life that always was their primary food source. Due to this both planets quickly adopted their own caste system in order for their societies to better control their available resources and areas.” The Senator sent as she was about to ask anyway and smiled at her expression. “The upgrades that you have been provided with will only work on the subconscious level at first so learn to trust your instincts.”


“It should have become obvious to you by now that your mind is not and will never again be like it used to. The most obvious hint is that your emotions are all under control despite your circumstances; that’s because of us limiting them while the most crucial upgrades are enabled, one of which is the ability to remain aware and lucid when someone slows time. This is an ability that will be of use to you later on.”

“Why? Do you think that I will work for you in return?” Beryl asked.

“No. In fact you weren’t supposed to be included in all this but you impressed me enough to make an exception and include you in our little tests; your potential is great and what you have been provided with may allow pointing your kind to a better direction.”

“I am not someone who warrants such faith in me.”

“Consider the realization of what your potential is to be one of the many tests that your kind as a whole has to pass in order for us to accept you.”
The senator closed his eyes and smiled again. “It may help you to know that sentience and sapience are intrinsically connected in all intelligent species and that you cannot truly Ascend without either of them. Most alien Ascendants we have observed have made the mistake of rejecting their sentient heritage, electing to remake themselves into beings that would live on through cold calculating logic. The result of such a choice is stagnation and extinction of them and those around them.”

“You said most, what of the others?”

“The others have elected to regress themselves to a far lower tech level in order to maintain a sense of purpose and being by toiling around in the simple mundane tasks of those levels.” Beryl didn’t know how but she realized that he became amused at something. “There are many human males who would like nothing more than to make a new species that would combine the Loroi female and the Human male. Should you Loroi properly Ascend there will be many who will propose this to you, in fact the biological stuff is already laid out, prototyped and waiting for use while the name of the new species had already chosen millennia ago.” She just stared back at him in disbelief. “Truth be told there are more than a handful of voices who insist on humanity to recognize you as an artificially created subspecies of ours despite your many flaws but such outrageous proposals cannot be taken seriously unless your kind proves itself reasonable enough after you Ascend.”

“Does this mean that you intend to uplift us?”
She asked and he laughed. “No we intend to expedite the matter through you and the others that have been chosen due to the external attention that you have drawn on yourselves and by extension, to us. Due to your circumstances we were initially torn between two choices; either we would allow your kind to work from your current telepathic position or we would tear away your gifts in the same way your creators did ours. Many wanted to choose the later out of a sense of vengeful indignation but we elected to work with everything you have already built for expediency. Some of us hope that it will be enough to guide you in a better path than all other Ascendants before you.” She finally felt something at that, as if her mind was finally off an invisible leash. It was a righteous anger at the mere thought of the Loroi being deprived of their telepathic abilities; it would shatter and destroy their culture completely and they seriously considered doing that.

“I see that your upgrades are working as intended.”
He commented at that as if he paid no heed to how angry she was; she somehow sensed that he expected her to go in an angry tirade and that was enough for her to reconsider.

“You make it seem like there will be a penalty if we fail to live up to your standards.”

“Indeed there will be a penalty and the penalty will be your extinction. Your kind has already committed two genocides and the only reason you didn’t receive what other Ascendants are soon going to receive is our common history. If you attempt to repeat such an atrocity on anyone other than the Shells your kind will not have the time necessary to regret that decision. Many humans will be saddened by such an action from our part but you are in a way our mistake and we have decided not to ignore you anymore.”
She was instantly taken aback at that, not because of the statement itself but because she could somehow sense that the senator fully believed that the Loroi would repeat such atrocities in the future while fully believing that the retaliation would be righteous.

He thought. “But perhaps what will now be revealed to you may somehow end up changing your kind’s outlook.” She could still sense that he still believed that the whole endeavor was pointless but somehow she felt that he was giving them the full benefit of the doubt. “The Soians were the type of Ascendants who fully believed in the inherent superiority of their race and ideology. Like most they elected to cut off their sentiments and to abandon their worlds in favor of living on their motherships, their dread stars as you call them. They altered themselves so thoroughly and completely that not only they barely resembled the form they were before but also elected to create a whole new biochemical template for themselves, the very same biochemical template that all their creations are based on.”

“They altered themselves to become Soia-Liron?” Beryl asked in disbelief.

“Yes, they saw it as the first necessary step in creating the perfect interstellar society as they envisaged it. Their intentions were seemingly noble, to bring eternal peace in the territories they controlled by establishing themselves as overlords who would rule over the lesser races through the application of what they thought as common sense. As all others both before them and after them they fully believed that they were doing the right thing at all times in order to preserve all sentient and sapient races for all eternity. The problem was that not everyone agreed with their vision and those who attempted to oppose them quickly found themselves replaced by their Soia-Liron copies. The first on the line were the Dreiman, who ruled the local bubble for almost 500.000 tozons, they were a pragmatic and intelligent race that was relatively close to their own Ascension threshold. They were at the middle of the 14th Tech level which made them a credible threat even to the Soians who didn’t wait for the Dreiman to rebel at a moment weakness from their masters. It’s sad really, if the Dreiman had resisted instead of surrendering unconditionally then they would have had a chance of survival; instead they surrendered in order to bide their time, waiting for an opportune moment to rebel. The Soians never gave them the opportunity and instead created the Neridi in their image before pitting the template and the copy against each other. Next were the races that were friendly with the Dreiman; the saddest example of which being the Nibiren. The Nibiren were a race that was slowly being uplifted by the Dreiman; they were a proud and unbending people with long martial traditions and they were at their early industrial era when the Soians took over their solar system. The Nibiren were uncooperative to the Soians and the Soians elected to create the Barsam in their image before cutting out their regenerative ability and dumbing them down to the point of retardation through the introduction of a carefully engineered mutative disease.”

“In all of our research we have never found any evidence that collaborates with what you claim!” Beryl replied. “Instead we have found plenty of evidence of the conflicts that raged as far back as the Bulan era!

“Indeed you haven’t found any such evidence because the Soians made sure that they wouldn’t leave any such evidence behind. They were Ascendants, beings that were beyond the apex of technological mastery and they intended to make their vision of the perfect interstellar order a reality because that was their sole purpose in life. Leaving such evidence and even the memories of such genocides around would be counterproductive to their goals.”
The Senator replied and studied her closely for a fleeting moment. “You are unconvinced but I want you to recall and analyze everything that has transpired since you went to the shuttle bay to analyze ‘me’. We did leave some evidence of our interference around for some of you to find as a personal test to everyone who had attracted our interest. Initially you weren’t part of our intended targets and as such you didn’t experience anything that could register as false despite the fact that everything that has been happening in this star system has been done because we commanded so. Can you tell me when something was out of place around you for the first time?”

“That was… When Teidar Pallan Fireblade agreed to give you the battery you requested. She was initially opposed in giving you your armor back but she agreed after asking me if it could be used as a weapon.” The Senator nodded at that.

“Indeed that was your first test which you failed. What was the next time something was out of place?”

“Tenoin Arrir Talon asking if you were the alien. She was the one who brought you onto the ship and she had taken a good look through your armor’s visor.”

“Actually she didn’t bring me in and she had never seen me before that moment, in fact it took a lot of effort from our telepathic specialists to keep both her and Tenoin Narrat Spiral confused and misinformed as to which of the two of them supposedly brought me aboard. That wasn’t a test meant for the two of them but a test for Lashret Stillstorm and her ability as a commander to be aware of everything that goes on her ship. She almost failed that test in which case the next commander of the 51st would be Torrai Torret Ashrain which would be somewhat problematic in the political aspects of our plan in regards to the Loroi Union. Fortunately Lashret Stillstorm was able to piece the picture on her own in the nick of time which simplifies everything.” He grinned and continued. “What was the next instance?”

“Teidar Pallan Fireblade agreeing to my request to ‘announce’ you to the ones that we would pass by.”

“Your third and final failure, all things considered I should have accepted the outcome of our impromptu test then and there but your outlook picked my curiosity about you. I wondered how and why a Loroi warrior would be so friendly, open and unassuming to an alien with a Lotai representing a state who might actually be behind the Shell Lotai; one would say that the whole charade was almost retarded from your part but I took the liberty to see what made you what you are now. Forgive me but I have to admit that I found your diral’s name ‘Judged least likely to survive’ funny beyond measure and weirdly enough that was the only thing remarkable in your upbringing. When taking everything into account you are just another Listel, a capable and intelligent Listel for sure but unremarkable in all other aspects and yet you have a vastly different outlook from all others. It took some thought for me to realize why you are such an outsider and that realization is why I am here now Sanzaing with you. You have the irrational innocence of someone who fully believes that there is something good out there waiting to be found or even created. You have the unshakeable faith that everything will turn out well and that you will be there to witness it. Some would call it naïve foolishness, perhaps they are right but perhaps I am right in assuming that someone like you may make a difference when it matters the most. I truly hope that you remain as you are after you witness what you are about to witness but that hope highlights my own foolishness as none of us have managed to remain the same afterwards.”

Chapter 3, part 3: viewtopic.php?p=26576#p26576

Author:  dragoongfa [ Fri Jul 22, 2016 1:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 06/15/2016)

The rewrites that went into this pissed me off beyond measure.

Author:  Durabys [ Sun Jul 24, 2016 10:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

Wait. The Loroi are responsible for a near genocide of Humans after the Loroi killed the Soia!?

They are slowing time!!! Does that mean thousands of years are happening outside the bubble of slowed space-time. Every second inside the bubble of altered space-time equaling 12.000.000 seconds outside!?

Author:  dragoongfa [ Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

Durabys wrote:
Wait. The Loroi are responsible for a near genocide of Humans after the Loroi killed the Soia!?

Nope the early humans had their abilities and numbers cut down by the Soians but most other template species were wiped out by their copies if the Soians deemed such an act necessary.

They are slowing time!!! Does that mean thousands of years are happening outside the bubble of slowed space-time. Every second inside the bubble of altered space-time equaling 12.000.000 seconds outside!?

Not exactly, what the humans are effectively doing is bullet time on mega steroids. They are projecting a bubble like effect that allows them and those who they willingly alter/allow to experience this effect. For the ones allowed to experience the 'bullet time bubble' time seems to be standing still but they are moving as normal, for the ones inside the bubble but not allowed to experience it time runs as normal without them noticing it; for the ones outside the bubble time in the affected area looks like it runs as normal.

In short every human is more powerful than Neo as every human can create such a bubble around them, the effects and the range are all determined by the numbers and amplification involved.

The senator could explain it better but he intentionally wants to mislead the Loroi in this one as the Loroi are on the 'watchlist of potential threats'.

Author:  raistlin34 [ Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

Were the Soian trying to remade all life in the galaxy in their own image, one way or another? Was extinction the eventual fate ofertas all template species, whatever carried by violent means or not?

Author:  dragoongfa [ Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

The Soian ideology that was the driving force of their Empire was based around 'order' and 'harmony' where the place of everyone and everything would be carefully laid out by the Soians themselves. For those who were content with being in an eternal state of stagnation and non change (for either the worse or better) things would be well.

For those who were unable to 'restrain' themselves and wanted something different?

Subtle attempts of control would be attempted at first but if the troubles persisted they would be replaced by a Soia Liron copy 'who would carry on the heritage of their template without causing any trouble for others'.

PS: The Soians were run of the mill Ascendants in this regard, others are more benign, others are far worse and far more self serving.

Author:  Krulle [ Mon Jul 25, 2016 2:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

Spoiler: show
dragoongfa wrote:
Chapter 3, part 2


“Indeed. The nervous system of all living beings can be subtly manipulated in such a way by someone who is quick and skilled enough to do that. Your senses and your body wherewere fully under the control of a specialist who had slowed down their own time, this was more than enough to control you like a puppet while giving you the illusions you were living in. In fact at the moment my body is here with you three but a mental projection of mine is ‘escorting’ Lashret Stillstorm where we will meet her shortly, I am not the one creating the projection but I can control it via proxy.”[/i]


The scene is set.
Show us!

Author:  raistlin34 [ Mon Jul 25, 2016 3:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 07/22/2016)

dragoongfa wrote:

PS: The Soians were run of the mill Ascendants in this regard, others are more benign, others are far worse and far more self serving.

:shock: :shock: :shock:

How high would The Ethereal of X-Com register in the "Ascendant jerk-o-meter"?

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