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[Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Completed: 06/04/2018) 
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 03/22/2016)
Spoiler: show
dragoongfa wrote:
Chapter 2, part 1

[...]

“Certainly smarter than the Mizol…” Fireblade commented. - shouldn't Fireblade's text be telepathic italics?

[...]

“Yes, it was a freighter full of refugees from a race that the Hierarchy violently subjugated.” Senator Jardin replied and paused as if in thought. “However we had concrete evidence of other sentient life from the defunct Soian labs we discovered a couple of decades ago but this doesn't mean that first contact wasn’t a shock to our society.” The elevator came to a halt at the crew quarters deck , snapping Beryl from her dumbfoundness which made her ask the very first question that came to her mind.


That's... revealing.
About how Loroi see themselves, and how Humans see themselves.
Go on... ;)

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Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:55 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
Oh boy, no one picked up something special yet.

The next part is going to be surprising when I get around to finish it.

Hint:

Spoiler: show
Who is the POV character of this part and what is the 'perfect situation' for her?

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Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:56 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
Not really in the mood of thinking hard right now.

Spoiler: show
But the Mizol is the only one who has been talked about whose POV it could be, if the POV is aboard the ship.
If the POV is not aboard the ship, it is either a Human who has infiltrated the ship using the gadgets Alexander "smuggled" aboard, or a Soian...

Beryl seemed to have a weird reaction ("weird mix of anxious glee and the feeling of inadequacy") when holding the "armour" of Alexander, which may be a sign of active interference with her personality/brain by nanostrands infiltrating her while she's holding the "cloth".
But since Alexander cannot give away yet he has infiltrated her (as he had no access to the Mizol yet), he needs to play a charade until the group reaches the Mizol and he can actively infiltrate her mind too.
But this idea of active fibres manipulating a personality comes from me reading Peter F. Hamilton once again...
It may just as well be that she's being "infiltrated" telepathically while being in the same room as Alexander.

And I purposefully disregarded the other hints you gave in your posts before this last post of yours. <grrrrrrr>

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Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:06 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
dragoongfa wrote:


In general, write, and we'll see how good the ends come together. So far, it looks like one large gladiolus and a half-dozen small.

I don't deny the presence of logic in the text, but at the moment this isn't obvious to the reader.


Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:53 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
In case no one noticed, although I don't outright lie, I intentionally mislead people when they have too many comments or ask too many questions about a situation whose whole picture hasn't been formed yet.

@Tamri, I could put some more details to make it more obvious but the key of everything is how the characters acted and act.

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Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:55 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
dragoongfa wrote:
In case no one noticed, although I don't outright lie, I intentionally mislead people when they have too many comments or ask too many questions about a situation whose whole picture hasn't been formed yet.

@Tamri, I could put some more details to make it more obvious but the key of everything is how the characters acted and act.



So far, they have you act and think about even not as they should be, and an explanation in the text we haven't, even indirect. All that can be hook, it is completely written off against for the more banal and previously known things.

At the expense of smell (pheromones and other nonsense) - for what would others don't notice the effect, the influence should be soft, and this in itself implies some time in contact with the source. If it is to act quickly, for others it will be "sound" as click: moment - and the individual dramatically begins to think differently. Somehow too visibly and suspicious. And judging by the text, it is that works quickly, even very much: enough just a few moments near Alex. So that Occam's razor says, influence, or goes to the ship at once (and incomprehensible, why the hell same Blade tossed about, when was should silently put drool ... metaphorically), or factor can quickly (and imperceptible what is most important) to change the world perception of the interlocutor, that gives a penalty for complexity. In short, while the ends go nowhere and logic doesn't sticked.


Tue Apr 05, 2016 5:29 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/02/2016)
dragoongfa wrote:
In case no one noticed, although I don't outright lie, I intentionally mislead people when they have too many comments or ask too many questions about a situation whose whole picture hasn't been formed yet.
Then You are a lot like me. It is this why I often read and not speculate about what will happen.
Something which drives my wife crazy. No enough couriosity, she says.

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Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:44 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/13/2016)
Chapter 2, part 2

The fact that the Listel was the one who carried the alien’s vest didn’t mean that she wasn’t apprehensive of it or the fact that they would actually give it back to him. Beryl felt both giddy and inadequate for the task that the Mizol put them up to but as a Teidar she edged closer to feel insulted. Petty trickery and misdirection were the shameful tasks of the Mizol caste after all.

“Is there something wrong Teidar Pallan Fireblade?” Beryl asked as they finally entered the brig.

“I don’t like doing the work of a Mizol.”

“But your task is to also protect Tempest from him if need be.” Beryl pointed out and for a moment Fireblade found the very idea of a male being a danger to the ship to be ridiculous but she pushed that aside because she knew that this alien wasn’t anything like a male.

“True but giving him his armor back is a mistake.”


“The Mizol doesn’t think that it is wise to have an alien diplomat walk around the ship covered with a sheet.” Beryl replied and frowned in thought. “But you are right, it’s too dangerous to just give it to him; we don’t know anything about it and we couldn’t discern anything from the scans we tried.”

“The Mizol caste will be the death of us all.” Fireblade thought before turning to the guards who were already on edge. “Be ready for anything, we will be taking the alien to meet the Mizol.” Both of them then walked down to the cell that the alien was held into, the Soroin guard who constantly monitored the video feed from inside couldn’t hide her relief when Beryl took over.

“Weird…” Beryl thought.

“What is it Listel?”

“He is exercising by doing push-ups.” Beryl replied and turned to the guard. “How long has he being doing those?”

“He has being doing sets of various exercises with little break since he got in there.” The guard sent to both of them.

“He did say that he used to be a warrior.” Fireblade commented.

“True but it is odd seeing a male do such exercises for so long, this means that their male’s physical strength is greater than ours.”

“Don’t see him as a male, he is a pink tall alien with a Lotai.” Fireblade replied drawing a nod of agreement from the Listel who raised her mental guards. “Open this up and be ready to talk when I need you to.”

“Yes Teidar.”

Fireblade emptied her mind and begun envisioning the alien male as a dangerous enemy instead of a willing prisoner; the Mizol told her to be intimidating towards him, however she would be so not because she was ordered but because the alien was very dangerous and she couldn’t allow him to cause any harm to Tempest and her crew.

“Attention, the door will open. Do not approach it.”

The door slid upwards and she slowly stepped forwards while studying the pink skinned alien male who was still doing push-ups. She was never allowed to be alone with a male because of her problems with controlling her abnormally strong telepathy and telekinesis but now she was certain that she shouldn’t even think of this one as a male. A true male’s body and muscles should be tight and bulgy as if he was meant to lift heavy loads or fight in wars. She cursed her own stupidity for not taking a sidearm now that she was observing his physical strength for the first time, what she saw made her unsure if she would be able to physically subdue him if she needed to do so; a blaster pistol on stun would be ideal in such a scenario since her telekinesis could end up killing him if she had to fight him.

“Is there something I can do for you Teidar Pallan?” The alien asked after standing up, seemingly unfazed from the exercises he was doing up until now.

“It’s your turn Listel.” She sent without taking her eyes of the alien for a single moment.

“Greetings Senator Jardin, it’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too Listel Tozet.”

“I have been instructed to return your armor to you.” Beryl continued. “And to bring you to this ship’s diplomatic officer as soon as possible.”

“Thanks…” The alien replied as he took the vest and examined it up close.

“It seems to have not been tampered with.” Beryl added when she saw him doing that.

“Leave the duplicity to the Mizol, Listel Tozet.” The alien replied without even looking at her.

“I am not lying!” Beryl replied instantly.

“No you weren’t, you just avoided to mention the fact that you have been doing all matters of scans to it for as long as I have been in here with nothing but my underwear and the sheet I was allowed to take from the medical bay.” Beryl looked at him angrily before looking at Fireblade for support.

“He is not lying Listel.” Fireblade sent to her and Beryl turned back to the alien as if defeated but still angry.

“As I said, you are expected by this ship’s Mizol Parat.”

“Perhaps she will know how to behave.” The alien commented, leaving the Listel to just glare at him as he wore the vest and seemed to wait for something to happen for a few solons.

“Why is it taking so long?” Fireblade sent to the Listel whose anger was now seething out of her.

“Don’t know.”

“Ask him then, I want to finish this farce as quickly as possible.”


“Is there a problem?” Beryl asked with an easily discernible edge in her voice.

“Nothing that you did, must have run out of charge with the emergency mode.” The alien replied before punching himself on the chest, a gesture that caused the silver metallic liquid to flow out of it and form a suit of black armor after covering his entire body.

“You said that it run out of charge!” Beryl pointed out accusingly.

“It did, this is the sole emergency charge in case of a disaster.” He replied and paused for thought before sighing. “I would like to know if it is possible to be given a small power source in order to charge it.”

“That armor could turn into a weapon.”
Beryl pointed out instantly.

“I agree, it’s too dangerous already.”

“I am sorry but we cannot do that.” Beryl said to the alien who composed himself before replying.

“I give you my word of honor as a Senator of the Terran Confederation that I intend no harm on anyone on this ship. I need a small power source because it will be extremely inappropriate to function in a diplomatic manner while looking like I am ready for battle.”

“We will not provide you with a power source of any kind without the Lashret’s express permission.” Fireblade was surprised with the Listel’s determination in her reply.

“At least you are honest while saying that I am dishonest.” The alien snapped back angrily.

“An alien with a Lotai has no right to speak of honesty.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have the Lotai if you Loroi had an inkling of honesty and decency to begin with.”

“You…”

“Listel Tozet Beryl, we have our insturctions.” Fireblade sent with a scolding tone.

“Yes… I haven’t forgotten.” Beryl said. “This is Teidar Pallan Leinnol , her spoken name means Fireblade. She has been assigned the responsibility of your security and will not tolerate any misbehavior.”

“Does misbehavior include me telling the truth?” The alien replied angrily while glaring straight at her instead of the Listel.

“No but his disrespect both here and earlier to the Lashret is annoying me.” Fireblade sent to Beryl as she glared right back at him.

“Your conduct thus far has been far from respectful, especially your behavior towards Lashret Stillstorm earlier.” Beryl said in a far more polite way than she would.

“Yes, anger at the prospect of being interrogated must be very disrespectful to ones such as you.” Fireblade felt her anger flare at that but she managed to control herself.

“Enough! Let’s get him to the Mizol!” Fireblade sent before Beryl could say anything.

“Please follow me to the Mizol Parat.” Beryl said with a scornful look before turning and walking out of the cell.

“As if I have a choice.” The alien protested and followed suit, with Fireblade following him in turn.

The Soroin guards had undoubtedly heard the discussion and sensed the anger from both her and the Listel, knowledge that made them sensible enough not to send a stupid joke about a tall pink male with facial hair who was wearing a Mizol’s armor.

Beryl’s fury was understandable which made her refrain from talking with the alien any further, hopefully this would help with her naivety towards aliens. Of course the Mizol would be angry with this whole charade but it was her fault for sending the two of them to bring the alien over instead of coming in person. Dishonesty and trickery are her caste’s task, not of the Teidar or the Listel who have put honesty over the other virtues.

Neither Beryl nor the alien had talked at all when they all passed through the killzone, a fact that allowed Fireblade to sense the apprehension of Tenoin’s Talon and Spiral who expedited their movement in order to avoid running into their small and angry group. Fireblade cursed herself again when she realized that they did so because she was also angry about all this, she knew of her reputation and had sworn not to add to it; yet she let the alien’s words rile her up like that. She emptied her mind and recollected herself, managing to regain her full composure by the moment they reached the elevator where they had left Soroin Passet Cloud to wait.

“What happened?” The young Soroin’s question managed to surprise Fireblade as the young ones showed a little too much deference to her despite the fact that she was just twice their age.

“The alien called us dishonest and indecent.”

“Why?”

“I think that he figured out our instructions and he didn’t like them. He wasn’t in need of anything we are willing to provide so there was no need for you.”

“I understand.” Fireblade could still sense Beryl’s anger as she called the elevator to their level.

“Calm down Listel, don’t let the alien’s words get to you.”

“He called us dishonest and indecent for no reason at all!” Beryl replied angrily.

“And you are acting like you haven’t heard worse in your trials and after you joined Tempest.” Fireblade pointed out as the elevator’s doors opened.

“It’s obvious that he knows that I argued in his favor with Lashret Stillstorm, he even pointed out that I requested instead of demanding!” Beryl vented as they all walked inside.

“But the Mizol did give us a task that is unfitting of our castes. We were intending of being dishonest with him.”

“Are you taking his side that we are dishonest and indecent?” Beryl asked, her anger now directed at her instead of the alien; a gesture that she would take as an insulting challenge if it wasn’t so amusing.

“You are a Listel and I am a Teidar, both of our castes take pride in our inherent honesty which is the opposite of the open lying of the Mizol. The alien isn’t wrong to be angry about our attempt but we did so on the Mizol’s behest.”

“So you are taking the damned alien’s side!”


“You…” Fireblade didn’t allow her anger to flare up; instead she took her eyes from the alien and stared directly at the Listel who was acting irrationally. “You are acting oddly Listel, you have gotten yourself in trouble and have heard far worse from the others for your curiosity and for being interested in aliens. We both know that the alien was truthful in what he said and he is right to be as angry with us as any Loroi should be if we tried to play such trick on them. What I fail to comprehend is how you let such a petty remark escalate in a situation where you couldn’t ask the alien the questions you wanted to ask him even without the Mizol’s instructions.”

“Well done Teidar Pallan Fireblade!” The sending was abnormally strong and was an eerie combination of telepathic familiarity and exoticness, as if it was a Loroi who held similar but also different telepathic disciplines; she made to turn to the direction the unknown sending came from and found herself unable to do so. She couldn’t even move her eyes from the Listel who now stood eerily still while looking to the alien with an expression of amazement. She then realized that the elevator wasn’t moving anymore and that the Listel wasn’t even breathing! She made to shout to her but she couldn’t, her telepathy wasn’t doing anything other than sensing the others that were within range and not one of them was moving!

It took her less than a Solon to realize that she had also stopped breathing; in fact she could barely feel her body anymore. She panicked but not in the way that drew a response from her body, she just couldn’t comprehend what was happening; it was if as her mind was stuck in a single moment of time, left there to stare at the Listel who looked nothing like what she saw a moment ago. She took a gamble and tried to force herself to move telekinetically, knowing full well that she could end up injuring herself but her telekinesis didn’t respond either.

“The best prospect indeed if she can perceive this!” It was the same telepathic signature from the moment time seemed to stop; how long ago was it that time went on as normal? Bimas? Nanapis? Tozons? She couldn’t tell anymore all she knew was that the Listel now looked happy and she was trapped in whatever was happening.
Was she trapped though? Or did she finally turn insane, proving the others right when they said that she is an unstable liability who gets others killed?

“That might explain how she survived everything thus far, her subconscious must have somehow gained access to this level but in turn her telepathy and telekinesis are almost impossible to control.” That was another sender, the signature was similar to the first but she was certain that it was another person; the silence then returned and she again wondered how much time passed for her while time stood still in front of her.

“I think that her perception is way off…” The first signature replied and suddenly she felt something touch her cheek, her mind recoiled out of habit but her body stood there motionless as if it was dead. After some time her mind accepted it and she almost felt glad that she could finally feel something tangible from her body while she was lost in the stillness of time she experienced. Whatever touched her was warm and soft as if alive but she couldn’t sense anything telepathic from it; it must have been the alien who touched her but her pupils refused to move in order to see what it was.

“Yes her perception of the time stop is far too sensitive.” The first sender commented and this time she actually felt a telepathic inkling of it through his touch. “Not only that, she can actually receive our sending as she is now.”

“Is this enough to convince you sir?” This time the reply came almost immediately, without her losing track of it.

“Yes, she is by far the best possible prospect all things considered.”

“I knew that you would approve our recommendation if you saw it yourself.” The second sender replied and this time she sensed a very faint emotion of accomplishment in the sending. In fact the alien’s touch was slowly but surely becoming telepathically stronger.

“Don’t worry Teidar Pallan Fireblade…” This time the sending was sent directly to her, it was perfect in its precision; betraying a flawless telepathic control that willingly allowed only one emotion to pass through it… Amusement, the kind of amusement she had sensed from other Loroi when they toyed and petted their pet Miros!

“You understand already? That’s good!” The alien sent again and she felt a sharp electric current pass through her mind right before he stopped touching her cheek. “This should do for now.”

She still could not move any single part of her body but she felt that she now had a better grasp of how much ‘time’ passed even if time itself seemed to have stopped. She could only see the alien through her peripheral vision as he walked up to Beryl and stood next to her, she could not make out any details but she was certain that he wasn’t wearing the black armor anymore.

“Sad and lonely little thing…” The alien sent to Fireblade and she instantly realized that he meant Beryl. “If she was human she would be in her early adolescence; as a Loroi she is far more mature physically and emotionally but her life experiences now lag significantly behind those of even a human child that has lived for half her age. Our children now lose their innocence far too quickly because of our gifts and it’s because of this why I find the Listel Tozet refreshing; she has the youthful innocence that our children shed early in their lives which is something that the oldest of us find disconcerting. Her insatiable curiosity and intelligence are a credit to her caste, given time she will undoubtedly rise to the highest echelons of the Listel but her innocence will be lost long before that comes to pass. It is the inevitability of this loss that makes it all the more tragic because right now she doesn’t have any extraordinary wants; she just wants to fit in, to have friends to share her interests with and to not be shunned anymore for them. Is it wrong for me to give her a glimpse of what she wants even for a little while? Will such a glimpse fully destroy her innocence or will she appreciate it and perhaps always remember what it means to be innocent?” The alien then turned and walked into her field of view. He wasn’t wearing the armor anymore; it was some short of silver clothing that didn’t reflect the lights from around them. He stood at the perfect spot to meet her gaze and remained motionless there for what felt like a half a dozen of Solons.

“Then there is you, another lonely one but you are far from innocent. The Shells, as you call them, made good work when they tore it away from you and you in turn sacrificed the few last fragments that remained in order to survive. You loathe the ‘Beast of Seren’ moniker that your caste mates came up with but you know that you are just that, a beast that constantly fights to keep itself tame. You can’t stop yourself from telepathically broadcasting your nightmares to those near you and it’s those nightmares that make you tremble at the mere thought of you returning to Seren. The others foolishly say that you are bad luck to be around but we both know that you are a survivor; you survived by sacrificing your innocence but in doing so you broke something within. You know it, everyone around you knows it and I went then to witness the exact moment you broke through. Despite everything, or in spite of them your wants are simple enough if a little hard for you to attain. You want to finally be able to control yourself, to be accepted, to get revenge and to finally find peace within yourself.” He smiled at that. “You are going to get all that and more eventually but for now, enjoy a few fleeting moments of the clarity and peace you so desire.”

Chapter 2, part 3: viewtopic.php?p=23673#p23673

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Last edited by Guest on Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:06 pm, edited 10 times in total.



Tue Apr 12, 2016 7:07 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/13/2016)
Alex what are you doing :shock:

(Also you didn't update the topic)

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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/13/2016)
I think that I updated everything that I should have.

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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/13/2016)
I have to admit that it is a very good read.

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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Chapter 2, Part 3

Tempo sighed at the development, she should have expected that the alien would politely refuse to answer even friendly questions before he received an apology for the incident earlier; Teidar Pallan Fireblade may not have liked the subtle plan at the slightest but she played her part well enough so far. Even Listel Tozet Beryl acted well enough without much of a preparation, her posture betraying no ill will towards the alien for the initial rebuffing she received which seemed odd to her at first but the Listel knew that she would observe the exchange with the alien and as such she would have her curiosity fed in just a few bimas.

But Tempo couldn’t help but notice that something felt off with Fireblade’s body language, she seemed at ease and relaxed which not only betrayed a severe lapse in judgment from the Teidar’s part but something completely uncharacteristic of Fireblade’s personality who was almost always on the edge of turmoil while she never took anything lightly; on duty and off duty alike. She remembered Fireblade’s strong objections in giving the alien his armor back and truth be told she understood them completely, the problem was that they, as representatives of the Union, had to make amends for the earlier incident. The Terran Confederation was obviously far more advanced technologically and the last thing they needed was to add further insult to one of their representatives during their first contact with them. The alien seemed to appreciate the gesture and seemed to be understanding after the Listel politely explained, probably at the behest of the Teidar, that they couldn’t just give him a small power source without the Lashret’s express permission.

She thought about this change on the Teidar while their small group was in the elevator, perhaps Fireblade felt at ease around the alien because he was a male. She had read the Teidar’s file and she knew that Fireblade herself was very reluctant to exercise her rights to even meet a male as long as she couldn’t control herself to an acceptable degree. Perhaps being around a male subconsciously relaxed her, something that was true for many Loroi warriors, but the degree of change in her posture still seemed extreme.

She became certain that something was wrong right after they exited the elevator and entered her sensing range. The Teidar’s mental signature could only be described as peaceful, perfectly serene without any of the turmoil that Fireblade is known for. Such a radical change to one’s mental signature can only happen after years of training or a traumatic personal event that could change one’s mind and outlook of life. She immediately shifted her attention to Beryl only to realize that the Listel was ecstatic, as if her very purpose in life had just been fulfilled. Out of the three Loroi with the alien only her aide’s mind, Soroin Passet Cloud, was as it should be.

“Cloud.” Tempo sent to the young Soroin who walked just a little bit ahead of the others.

“Yes Mizol Parat Tempo?”


“Do you sense anything different from the others?”


“No but…” The Passet replied with clearly felt confusion.

“But Teidar Pallan Fireblade is not how she usually is.”

“Yes.”

It was too much of a coincidence, Beryl’s state of mind could be explained just by her being in the presence of an alien who represented a far more technologically advanced civilization and was living evidence that the Loroi actually have a template species but the change in Fireblade was too extreme. She had to assume the worse; that the alien had somehow affected her mind despite his Lotai. Her training dictated something like this as impossible but there was no other way for her to explain it, she had to consider the alien as a threat and act as quickly as possible but she also had to take him prisoner alive without harming the others.

“Cloud, I know that this will be confusing but do exactly as I say, once the alien is in my stateroom I want you to find Lashret Stillstorm and tell her in person that she was right but I don’t want any trouble.”


“I don’t understand but I will do so.”
Tempo hoped that this would be enough for the Torrai to understand that she wanted the alien alive and if possible, unharmed.

She quickly stood up and walked to her weapon’s locker in order to take her leg holster and blaster pistol; she could just close her mind and stun the alien with it at the first opportunity but such a direct approach was why she didn’t want to alert the Lashret through the communications system or even the Sanzai network. The alien would pick up the change in the crew’s mood telepathically and would resist telepathically and telekinetically, which would be a disaster for more than one reason.

In the situation Tempo found herself she had to assume the worse case scenario, which would mean that the alien’s government was working with the Shells but why would the Shells attack his ship if this was the case? The possibility of this being an elaborate trick to get one of them aboard a Loroi warship in order to help capture it was too farfetched; the Shells didn’t have such a grave need to capture a Loroi warship and they certainly weren’t stupid enough to sacrifice so many of their own ships in order to just get a single alien on a Loroi ship. It could be that they didn’t have a choice on the matter and the alien aboard Tempest was in fact a member of an overlord race behind the Hierarchy’s actions but this was even more farfetched; the Mizol had not stood idle for the entirety of the war and no matter how decentralized the Hierarchy command structure may be she trusted that her caste would have picked hints of a race that would be able to control the Shells to such a degree.

The alien having his own agenda was by far the most probable scenario, in which case the Union had to gain a glimpse of it and that could only be done if they captured him alive. With that in mind she took the blaster pistol, set it on stun, holstered it and went back to sit at her desk. Her previous plan flashed briefly in her mind as she raised her mental defenses; she had planned to buy some time to ask and answer some questions on her own before having Cloud bring in the Historian projector while she would call in captain Mozin in order to have witnesses when she would recognize the alien as a diplomat. Bimas ago she truly was hoping that the alien was what he said he was, not just their template species but another telepathic species which was friendly and could perhaps offer assistance in the war. She mentally chastised herself for her naivety for wanting to believe all that, she was a Mizol, she should know better but deep in her mind she knew that the discovery of another telepathic race alone would be a tremendous boost to Loroi morale in these trying times, could she really blame herself for wanting the best possible scenario to be true?

Now she just hoped that the Lashret would act quickly and quietly enough in order to take the alien by surprise and overwhelm him; if Stillstorm was unable to do that then the Union would lose a critical source of information when it needed it the most. She glanced at her holstered sidearm as she sensed Cloud, Beryl and Fireblade approach, she was certain that the alien would not see it unless he stood right next to her but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that she missed something important.

“Mizol Parat Tempo, we brought Senator Alexander Jardin as you instructed.”
Beryl sent just before they reached her door, the Listel’s mind filled with amazement and glee.

“You may enter.”


Beryl walked in first and stood at the right side of the door as the alien walked in, Fireblade came in last and stood at the left side of the door before it closed. Tempo felt relieved when she sensed Cloud walk back to the elevator with her mental signature still seemingly untampered.

“Welcome Senator Alexander Jardin, I am Mizol Parat Sedet and my spoken name means Tempo. It seems that you have made it clear that you know about this ship and the functions about the various Loroi castes.”

“Yes I believe that I have made all that clear but allow me to say that out of all the various Loroi castes we humans believe that the Mizol are the ones who we can more easily relate too.” He smiled at that, his expression betraying nothing but sincerity. “Now tell me how did you figure it out?”

It all happened in a fraction of a solon, Tempo was certain that she was first enveloped in some form of an impregnable jamming field; out of reflex she reached to her holstered sidearm as she rushed to stand up but suddenly she found herself sitting again while the alien was holding her blaster pistol in his right hand.

“On stun? I don’t know if I should feel insulted for you believing that this would actually do anything even if I was naked or congratulate you for thinking that far ahead.” He said as he sat to one of the two empty chairs in front of her desk; she glanced at Beryl and Fireblade, both of them seemingly oblivious to what had just happened in front of them. Their facial expressions betraying only the mental caricatures she had sensed earlier.

“How…”

“The Listel Tozet and the Teidar Pallan?” He asked as he glanced at them in turn. “Fairly easily with something that you cannot be aware of as you are now. Something similar is done to you right now as well.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am not here to explain the subtle functions of sentience and sapience.” He replied and he seemed to study her for a few moments.

“What are you here for then?” Tempo asked as she realized that she had actually managed to subconsciously control herself from panicking.

“You will find out soon enough since you have impressed some people enough but for now I want to ask you why do you think you are sapient?”

“What?”

“Don’t try to tell me that you didn’t understand me and it’s a simple enough question for all so called sapients to answer.”

“We Loroi are sapient because we are self-conscious with the ability to act with appropriate judgment.” She replied and tried to move her left arm only to realize that it wouldn’t move at all, it wasn’t numb and she couldn't feel anything wrong from it but it would just not obey her mental commands.

“A definition that is the exact same with the one our ancient philosophers came up with. But can someone who is self-conscious but can have their judgment taken over by someone else truly be sapient?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, how would you classify the very someone who can wrestle control over a sapient without them caring or even realizing it?”

“A slaver.” The alien grinned at that, it was an annoying and patronizing smile, subtly passing the message that he was just toying with her.

“But you are doing exactly that with the Golim don’t you?”

“They aren’t enslaved!” She almost shouted at that without realizing it, for some reason her sealed emotions had seeped out on their own while the alien’s annoying smile merely grew deeper.

“Once they are near a Loroi their sound judgment is replaced by a mesmerizing effect which makes them just that, a slave that would do anything for its master.”

“We Loroi didn’t want this.” She pointed out, this time managing to control her outburst.

“It’s probable but the little guys are very hardy and able aren’t they? And they do offer themselves willingly all the time just to be near you.” The smile changed into a smirky expression that was hard for even her to read. “But let’s say that out there is someone who can do the exact same thing to a Loroi, mesmerize you and make you do anything they wished no matter how against it you would be before running into them. Will you consider a future you that was mesmerized in such a way a slave or you would consider that future you a willing sapient?”

She didn’t know how to answer that sincerely without offering a double standard. “We treat them well and we make sure that they are not harmed at any occupation they offer to fulfill, their mesmerization is not something that we control and those that have already been mesmerized will often harm themselves and others in order to be near a Loroi again. We have taken measures to limit the damage to their culture but many of us still say that it is not enough.”

He nodded at that as if in understanding but for some reason she felt that he didn’t like what he just heard. “Let’s put it this way then....” He leaned back to his chair and smiled patronizingly before continuing. “How can you say that you are sapient when you are aiming your blaster at your left thigh without even realizing it?”
Tempo turned her eyes and there it was, the blaster pistol was in her hand again, it’s fire selector set at overload, and was aimed straight at her left thigh. She was certain that it was there, she could feel its cold grip when a moment ago it just wasn’t there.

“Are you truly sapient?” She didn’t know how the alien was doing all this and it took all her will to keep herself from panicking; it was more than plainly obvious that the alien was too dangerous to capture alive. She tried to force herself to raise her hand to shoot him but it disobeyed her again and instead her hand pressed its muzzle against the side of her head. “That’s not an answer Mizol Parat Tempo.”

“If you are going to kill me just do it and save the sick games for those who are willing to play them.”

“You still resist without you having any control of your telepathy or your very own body…” He leaned forward and smiled again, this time approvingly. “I didn’t expect such stubbornness from you at the face of the inevitable; your spoken name was after all given to you because of your uncanny ability to have everyone around you work on the rhythm you dictate. Tempo is a very fitting name indeed and I know plenty of individuals who would have grown complacent with such a string of continuous successes.”

“What do you want?” Her hand moved again on its own, letting the pistol go; the weapon just floated in front of her while her hands moved and unstrapped her weapon holster. Both of items then floated towards her weapon locker that opened up and closed right after they floated back inside.

“Just for you to answer my question. Do you still believe you are sapient after all you have experienced so far?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“Because my mind is still my own.”

“Indeed it is, in fact the minds of the Listel Tozet and the Teidar Pallan are still theirs but you immediately noticed that they are not in command of their own selves anymore.”

“Our mind is not our body! You may control our body but our minds are still our own!” The alien laughed at that and slowly clapped his hands in a very annoying manner.

“Very good Mizol Parat, a very good answer indeed.” He paused for a moment as if he was studying her expression. “The slow clap is meant to pass sarcasm by the way.” Tempo opted to stay silent at that, she was already in an overwhelming disadvantage and at his complete mercy but she would be damned if she entertained his sick games any further.

“I see that you decided to remain silent… Petty since the spoken traditions of the Mizol are something that humans appreciate greatly.” She stayed silent while making sure that her expression couldn’t be read in any way. “In a way all living Loroi are lucky for me coming here you know; who knows how many lives would be wasted if I didn’t decide to save some time and see to this myself.”

“You make it sound like you chose to be here.”

“I believe that you should have realized by now that I was never in any real danger…” She let her expression change without thinking and he laughed at that. “I will explain it in a way you can understand once all of the pawns are in place; for now do me a favor and answer my very first question I asked you and no, remaining silent won’t give you any sense of victory whatsoever.” She contemplated on how to proceed, staying silent could end up annoying him and cause him to act out; entertaining and keeping him occupied would give the Lashret more time to prepare.

“Listel Tozet Beryl’s posture betrayed a sense of happiness despite the fact that you refused to talk with anyone until I offered an apology while Teidar Pallan Fireblade looked relaxed and with an perfectly serene mental state.”

“I figured that you would pick up these hints of this little, but necessary, play from our part but there were plenty of other hints you and the others missed because of your kind’s over-reliance on telepathy and the observance of others.”

“I answered your questions, will you answer mine?” He laughed heartily at that.

“Of course, we need to burn some more time after all.”

“Who are you?”

“I am Senator Alexander Jardin of the Terran Confederation.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why so?”

“A senatorial ship wouldn’t be without any kind of an escort and I don’t believe that a senator would act the way you do.” Tempo pointed out.

“Those are fairly reasonable observations from your part.” The alien replied and smiled. “Indeed a senatorial ship should be under heavy escort at all times and what I am doing now could be taken as an act of war but I have two very reasonable reasons for everything.”

“Reasonable reasons?”

“One of them is that this is a part of a misinformation campaign by the Confederation in order to set up a trap for any potential enemies to fall into, as for the other… we can’t have a wild animal run around without some taming and a leash.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are a Mizol, figure it out.”

“So you are a Senator then?”

“Yes, and now I believe that it is time to have one more of my questions answered. Tell me, how would the Loroi see Sunfall if she had won the war?” Tempo wandered why he asked that but if the alien wanted to waste time she saw no reason not to oblige him.

“Sunfall would be the unopposed candidate to succeed Emperor Greywind, in fact there would be many voices pushing for Greywind to step down in favor of Sunfall.”

“And that’s the reason why so many of your kind suspect that you Mizol sabotaged Sunfall at Semoset but we both know that your caste is not that stupid.”

“Fools always cling to the easiest excuses.” Tempo commented.

“Indeed.” He replied and nodded. “You said that you don’t believe me but I am who I claim to be, however I did choose to omit certain important details. I am Fleet Admiral Alexander Jardin, retired. Senator of the Terran Confederation, I am a member of the Senatorial council; holding the seat of the department of defense.”

“I cannot believe this.”

“You cannot believe what I just said or you cannot contemplate what it implies?” She didn’t know what to say at that. “Let me put this as plainly as possible then. I already told you that I was never in any danger, I am closely monitored by Confederation forces by ways and means that are way beyond your comprehension, this ship is the safest ship this side of the Great Wasteland and I am here despite the vehement objections of an incalculable number of people because not one of them is stupid enough to say no to a war hero when he sets his mind to do something himself.”

“I am repeating myself but why are you here then?”

“The Confederation is here because the Loroi Union is about to lose this war which is counter to its wants and interests.”

“Why do all this if the Confederations doesn’t want us to lose and…” She paused as she realized what he omitted to say. “You didn’t say why you are here.”

“A Mizol to watch after a problem child indeed.” The alien commented. “As to why I am here? I am here because my honor demands it of me; we owe a debt to those you have chosen to forget, a debt that demands that you will go extinct either by your own hand or ours.”

“I… don’t…” It was his expression and something that she couldn’t pinpoint exactly that gave her pause; his seemingly patronizing glee his face had betrayed up until then instantly changed into a seething disgust and anger as he had said that. “…understand.”

“You are not supposed to understand yet, that’s for when all the pawns have proven themselves smarter than a Miros herded for slaughter.” His expression changed again into the same patronizing smile as before but now she found it deeply unsettling instead of annoying. “Do you by any chance have a crossfire board? I think that we can play a couple of games until the time is right.”

Chapter 3, part 1: viewtopic.php?p=23998#p23998

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Last edited by Guest on Tue Jun 14, 2016 7:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.



Sun Apr 24, 2016 4:05 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/13/2016)
ALEX

STAHP

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Sun Apr 24, 2016 5:34 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Hah! Nice chapter, I lol'd.

...I still cringe every time I see the word Confederation though.


Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:47 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Then you CLEARLY do not understand what the word confederation means. Notice the word Federation exists with in it? The US government is a Federated government. During the US civil war the rebels had a Confederated Government. It generally implies a very weak central authority and a very strong local authority. It is NOT mutually exclusive to Republics or democratic systems.


Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:59 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
NuclearIceCream please stop. I'm a political scientist with political scientist, U.S. history and world history friends. We all :lol: at Confederations, it's unanimous.

Why are you giving the U.S. Confederation as an example of a Confederation they died in like five minutes, and their government is still considered a joke in poly sci and historian circles.


Sun Apr 24, 2016 9:20 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
You know, I was expecting from the member of a superior race to artfuly manipulate the Loroi into doing his will without then realizing. But Alex keeps throwing his power around with the subtleness of an elephant in a glassware... and for what, to humilliate them further?


Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:16 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Grayhome wrote:
NuclearIceCream please stop. I'm a political scientist with political scientist, U.S. history and world history friends. We all :lol: at Confederations, it's unanimous.
Confederations make perfect sense when you're almost completely satisfied with no governing body: the UN could be argued to be a form, and yet it seems to be sort-of useful. They're basically appropriate for when things work fine, but another layer would make it easier to throw poo at the other guy, and argue about whether there should even be curtains in the meeting room in the first place: ignominious, yet appropriate in it's own disappointing way.

Grayhome wrote:
Why are you giving the U.S. Confederation as an example of a Confederation they died in like five minutes, and their government is still considered a joke in poly sci and historian circles.
Assuming that he's American, because it's the only one that all of us actually hear much about.

raistlin34 wrote:
You know, I was expecting from the member of a superior race to artfuly manipulate the Loroi into doing his will without then realizing. But Alex keeps throwing his power around with the subtleness of an elephant in a glassware... and for what, to humilliate them further?
It's the writing style in play, and I don't think that you should trust any of these scenarios at all. dragoongfa improved the writing somewhat, but it still needs a lot of work. It currently seems to be playing along at almost being a multi-universe story, the main counter being that probably it's all just higher-existence psychic manipulations instead. dragoongfa could be playing an "Encounter at Farpoint", but if so then he's fallen below the reference.


Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:36 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
raistlin34 wrote:
You know, I was expecting from the member of a superior race to artfuly manipulate the Loroi into doing his will without then realizing. But Alex keeps throwing his power around with the subtleness of an elephant in a glassware... and for what, to humilliate them further?


Let's just say that this 3160 humanity suffers from a form of telepathic chauvinism that makes the Loroi equivalent* seem tame in comparison and they do believe that they have cause and reason.

*The Loroi believe that they should rule/lead because of telepathy and Soians, humanity believes in... something different and every last human in existence is both fascinated and filled with loathing for the Loroi.

@Absalom

Quote:
dragoongfa could be playing an "Encounter at Farpoint", but if so then he's fallen below the reference.


Never read that but you are right up to a point and yes, the writing earlier is something I am not too proud of.

@Grayhome

To make the use of the Confederation in the two stories I wrote clear:

You were partially right earlier about the war but this Confederation is primarily a defensive alliance and a policing entity to oversee the continuous peaceful relations between the remaining 37 worlds (many of whom are as big and populous as a Loroi sector). The Confederation started at the old worlds because each of those worlds was comparably weaker than any of the new ones, the problem was that they hated each other too much to agree on anything more than a cooperative military alliance (See NATO) and a single semi political banner that would attempt to pass along that they cooperate on some more fields (in short strength in numbers with the addendum that they see each other as useful and no one should try to divide and conquer); the Confederation started being more than just a military alliance when the various scientific and industrial cooperation treaties between the initial were formed. This was the initial Confederation of the Old Worlds, the 'new' Terran Confederation has as a foundation the 'old one' but has expanded authorities in order for the Old Worlds to uplift the Worlds that were technologically backwards when compared with them.

So in essence the Pale Horse Confederation is there because Humans really don't trust each other (and for good historical reasons) but they do see reason to fully cooperate in defensive, scientific, industrial and a handful of other matters in a way that wont allow backstabbing. With time (see millennia) this Confederation would gain more authority as humans started trusting each other but with barely a few decades after the end of the Unification war this Confederation is already at the full extent of the authority it is allowed to wield without someone starting a rebellion. In short this Confederation is a super UN equivalent with teeth and real authority.

The end game 'Confederation' of Looking forward to the Mirror is somewhat of a different beast. The problem with the TCA laid with its member nations and how each has a different agenda in regards to colonization and etc, the TCA mandate is also aimed solely to police colonial endeavors. It is easy to assume that the TCA mandate will be horribly inadequate in an era of diplomatic relations with aliens and a military buildup in response to a very real alien threat.

But the problem are the member nations and how they don't like each other very much so in essence that Confederation is a political compromise in order to Unify key areas of humanity in order to quickly build a military deterrent and the economic powerhouse that is needed in order to feed a military deterrent strong enough to put second thoughts to the Loroi (defense, economy, research and development, colonization and etc). This all the while member nations still having the right to self govern in local matters.

In short this Confederation has near absolute authority in certain key areas of governance and none at all at others (see non economic Judicial for an example). With some time and certain stimulus the various nations would begin to lose their grip in the hearts and minds of the people who will get a certain pride of being part of the greater whole but would that be enough for a fully centralized government or would they say: "it works well enough as it is, don't throw a monkey wrench in there while genocidal aliens are waiting at the corner". In short this Confederation could be seen as the initial concept of the USA but in space, with all of the nations of Earth being member states, with genocidal aliens and plenty of room for colonization.

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Mon Apr 25, 2016 5:04 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Quote:
Confederations make perfect sense when you're almost completely satisfied with no governing body: the UN could be argued to be a form, and yet it seems to be sort-of useful. They're basically appropriate for when things work fine, but another layer would make it easier to throw poo at the other guy, and argue about whether there should even be curtains in the meeting room in the first place: ignominious, yet appropriate in it's own disappointing way.


Absalom I took your words to the most experienced political scientist I know, who has decades of experience in U.S. government, world politics, world history, etc and he had this to say: "He (Absolam) has no idea what he is talking about", "The United Nations is an association of nations, not a Confederation." and "His (Absolam's) definition of Confederation is so vague as to be utterly meaningless."

He then lamented the current state of public education and that political science degrees are apparently being handed out from cereal box tops.

He's fairly elderly now, forgive him his brusqueness, we all love him for it.

Quote:
Assuming that he's American, because it's the only one that all of us actually hear much about.


It's a very bad example of a successful version of a Confederation. It failed miserably after a mere four years. In fact I would like to ask anyone who wishes to claim Confederations are good forms of government please provide a real life example of a Confederation which was successful.


Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:11 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Oh, don't pay me any mind dragoonfa, I'm just throwing my pol-sci knowledge around. I see all the physics buffs talking about advanced mathematics and engineering and I get all jelly.

I cannot wait for the next chapter, awesome story!


Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:13 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
The key difference between the Federation and the Confederation is that the Confederation - in fact a union of independent members with some institutes joint management (eg the European Union), and the Federation - a single political unification, in which the administrative units have the big autonomy (the United States, or, for example, Switzerland)

But if we consider the form of government to state, and the some state itself can be called even slipper.


Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:32 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Grayhome wrote:
Absalom I took your words to the most experienced political scientist I know, who has decades of experience in U.S. government, world politics, world history, etc and he had this to say: "He (Absolam) has no idea what he is talking about",
Fortunate that he wasn't writing a paper about it, that never would have floated.

Grayhome wrote:
"The United Nations is an association of nations, not a Confederation."
And so too was the US national government under the Articles of Confederation! I question whether it makes any sense to call something a confederation when it is not of such a form. To say that the central government of a group of provinces subservient to a central government is a Confederation, for example, would be highly suspect. Autonomy is the characteristic that most distinguishes the concept of a Confederation from a Federation in the first place. If you go looking for confederations, you find that this characteristic is emblematic of them in all spheres. I likened the UN to a confederation because I have considered this subject before (I used to be hung-up over definitions, so I spent some time trying to nail some of them down).

Grayhome wrote:
"His (Absolam's) definition of Confederation is so vague as to be utterly meaningless."
I never provided a definition, of course it was vague. I was talking about what might prompt someone to favor a confederation over other governments. A Confederation is an alliance of autonomous actors who grant authority to a centralized authority for the pursuit of shared interests, while neither ceding the granted authority, nor merging their own government into the central government for the interim (I don't know what type of government you'd have when violating the second of those rules, but it certainly would be a different type of union).

If you have a better definition, then out with it.

At any rate, I wrote what I did for a reason: you don't create a confederation because you have a serious problem in need of a solution, you do it because you have use for a little more centralization, but don't need (or want) a lot of it (e.g. any sports authority that is granted authority on an ongoing basis by it's constituent teams or leagues, instead of granting authority to those teams or leagues).

Grayhome wrote:
He then lamented the current state of public education and that political science degrees are apparently being handed out from cereal box tops.
As it turns out, I don't have one, and can't be bothered with getting one.

Grayhome wrote:
He's fairly elderly now, forgive him his brusqueness, we all love him for it.

Quote:
Assuming that he's American, because it's the only one that all of us actually hear much about.


It's a very bad example of a successful version of a Confederation.
I'd generally consider an organization that fails to achieve it's aims to be a failure, instead of even a bad example of a success.


Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:50 pm
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
Quote:
As it turns out, I don't have one, and can't be bothered with getting one.


Then I consider you to have no real interest in having an intellectually honest conversation on this topic and I ask that you stop communicating with me.


Tue Apr 26, 2016 4:19 am
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Post Re: [Fan Fiction] The pale horse (Updated: 04/25/2016)
If you're only going to discuss poli-sci matters with people who have or are perusing a degree in it, I would bet you'd need to stop discussing it altogether on these forums. I could be wrong of course, but at the least it'd greatly cut down your list of conversational partners.

Edit: Tangentially, I'd also like to point out that you can't really guarantee that a country that calls itself something fits the proper definition of that thing, in fiction or in reality.

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