[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Cthulhu]

The Umiak are not yet described in great detail (at least compared to the Loroi), especially the reasons why they expand so quickly, or what is the cause of the war. The Loroi merely presume that their own expansion threatened the Hierarchy somehow, but what is the real reason? I'll try to include that into my fanfic as well.

I also doubt that the Umiak are collectivist/communist/socialist in any way that is comparable to Humans, it must be indeed an issue of misunderstanding.

[Bamax]

Ya know... one thing about Europe I always found odd. Growing up at my parents home there was a globe of earth on a pole that I would often gaze at and spin. I often wanted to travel to the lands I saw, and one that stood out was that oddball... Luxembourg. A tiny stretch of land that calls itself a country... wedged between Germany and France.

What is up with that?! I just assumed the people were rich enough to just buy their own country... since it is so small. You'd think someone would have taken it, so I can only assume they were bought off not to.

The following video mocks the situation.. one an like American myself cannot fully grasp.

I also think it is a fun parody on European governments... like this is how things are REALLY done at the negotiation table. It's even more funny because like most all funny things, there is some truth to it.

[Cthulhu]

A number of such tiny states exist due to traditions, or some unspoken agreements of "we both want it, but it's not worth the hassle of a war, so let it remain an independent state instead".

If you want to understand more about European politics, I'd recommend the "Yes, Minister", and "Yes, Prime Minister" TV shows. While they describe English politics, it also paints a good picture of politics in general. The new German government, for example, is almost at the same level of idiocy that was shown there as a caricature.

[Krulle]

Oh yea, yes Minister.
The caricature of why the UK joined the EU is spot on. (link)

Also, if you find Luxemburg odd, what about Liechtenstein, or San Marino? Or Andorra (which has two reigning persons: bishop of Utrell (sp?), and now the president of France (as successor of some smaller line of princes)?
San Marino would never have been a problem for the Italians to conquer and integrate into the united Italian Kingdom.
They were successful with the Vatican back then, but the Church and its possessions are well observed, so some public pressure arose.
But this would never have happened in any similar size for San Marino.

[Cthulhu]

Oh yea, yes Minister.
The caricature of why the UK joined the EU is spot on. (link)

And the reason why they left it? Sausages!

[Bamax]

Latest chapter was full of intrigue.

Now I have to go back to the Umiak commander chapteelr to see if his plan of surprise is working on the Loroi.... since the Loroi think they know his next move.

[Bamax]

I also loved Fireblade's comments. She is laconic but confident. With occasional humor.

Military people can be that way actually.

Also given Emberwing's penchant for making rousing short speeches... and her tendency to breath in and out before doing so... I am just waiting for one of the Loroi to mock her for it.


She is no Michael Burnham that's for sure (that is insulting because she speechifies everything), but Emberwing definitely has quirk's that are mockable.

But in her own way... she is endearing.

I think she breathes in and out to calm her fear. Being brave does not mean you dont have fear, it just means you get stuff down in spite of that.

[Cthulhu]

Now I have to go back to the Umiak commander chapteelr to see if his plan of surprise is working on the Loroi.... since the Loroi think they know his next move.

His target is obvious, it's the way to it that the Loroi need to worry about.

I also loved Fireblade's comments. She is laconic but confident. With occasional humor.

Military people can be that way actually.

I think that the Teidar are generally not fond of long speeches. Not only do they prefer to let their weapons speak instead, they are the weapons.

Also given Emberwing's penchant for making rousing short speeches... and her tendency to breath in and out before doing so... I am just waiting for one of the Loroi to mock her for it.


She is no Michael Burnham that's for sure (that is insulting because she speechifies everything), but Emberwing definitely has quirk's that are mockable.

But in her own way... she is endearing.

I think she breathes in and out to calm her fear. Being brave does not mean you dont have fear, it just means you get stuff down in spite of that.

Emberwing got a battlefield promotion, but is she really up to her new rank? Even the previous one (Mallas, second-in-command) wasn't granted that long ago. Well, she certainly tries her best, so let's see if it is enough.

As to the quirks, everyone has them, and they may become more pronounced under stress. The Loroi are apparently not exempt from this. I mean, even their body language is the same.

[Bamax]

I was not aware the Mizol being referred to as talking was the Tazite (whatever her position is called or means).


I did not know the caste system allowed you to take virtually any job... or does it?

So we have Mizol commander of the station and sector?


Why not a Listel or Teidar commander?

Or rather I am asking if such would even be allowed?

It is obvious that either a Listel or a Mizol is a better choice for that job.

And if neither of those, an average warrior would do... perhaps?

[Cthulhu]

I was not aware the Mizol being referred to as talking was the Tazite (whatever her position is called or means).


I did not know the caste system allowed you to take virtually any job... or does it?

So we have Mizol commander of the station and sector?


Why not a Listel or Teidar commander?

Or rather I am asking if such would even be allowed?

It is obvious that either a Listel or a Mizol is a better choice for that job.

And if neither of those, an average warrior would do... perhaps?

Torrai Tazites (Admiral) Duskcrown, the sector commander, is not at Azimol, she is commanding the main fleet at Enedd. She did leave a set of orders, though.

Mizol Torimor (Ambassador, a rank above Tempo) Silvermist stayed behind, but is not commanding the citadel, this task would be reserved for a (yet not mentioned) Torrai Torret. However, since the contact with Humans is both a diplomatic and an intelligence matter, Silvermist was authorized (by Duskcrown) to deal with it.
Loroi rank and caste structure are very Byzantine, and even Emberwing was not sure if said authority or circumstances could enable a Mizol Torimor to issue orders to a Soroin Torret. So instead, Emberwing compromised to threat it as advice that she would follow, for the benefit of the Union, and Silvermist commended her for not debating the command chain issue. The main set of orders are still the ones issued by Duskcrown, Silvermist is merely "explaining" them.

Perhaps I should review that part a bit, or are the Loroi ranks the reason for the confusion?

[Bamax]

Well... the Loroi understand their rank structure well. The reader not so much though.

Especially because not all are willing to peruse the onlibe database to the same degree a fanfic writer would. It is all too easy to forget or be totally unaware of some aspect of life for a Loroi.

Personally it makes sense now, as I remember the Mizol pupil of the Tazite now. But since that was so many chapters back, you may want to somehow show the Mizol talking is not Tempo.

Since elsewhere Tempo is often described as 'the Mizol' and using the same description for another Mizol of higher rank makes it easily confusing for a reader.

[Cthulhu]

Well... the Loroi understand their rank structure well. The reader not so much though.

Especially because not all are willing to peruse the onlibe database to the same degree a fanfic writer would. It is all too easy to forget or be totally unaware of some aspect of life for a Loroi.

Personally it makes sense now, as I remember the Mizol pupil of the Tazite now. But since that was so many chapters back, you may want to somehow show the Mizol talking is not Tempo.

Since elsewhere Tempo is often described as 'the Mizol' and using the same description for another Mizol of higher rank makes it easily confusing for a reader.

Yeah, good idea, I adjusted the dialogue a bit, now it should be clear who's talking, and what the ranks mean.

Also, Mizol Parat Midnight is one of Mizol Torimor Silvermist's subordinates. She is in charge of the citadel's farseers (bistima), and was introduced in the first Intermission.

[Bamax]

Latest intermission was I admit... not so interesting.

But I presume this guy is the same priest in the monastery from earlier?


It is kinda sad that fathers probably never get the chance to meet their daughters.

Not that family bonds matter much, since Loroi do not truly have parents, since they are basically raised by multiple mothers/teachers at once.

I can only presume Loroi have their favorites who they consider their 'moms' and the others as merely 'aunts', although I doubt Loroi call them either.

Since the word mom does not connote attachment the way humans mean since the mom never raises the child for long.

[Cthulhu]

Latest intermission was I admit... not so interesting.

This Intermission was my take on the Loroi family/parental traditions, as well as to what the Nedatan do. It wasn't strictly necessary for the overall plot and story development, but this fanfic is primarily a training session.

But I presume this guy is the same priest in the monastery from earlier?

Nope, those are totally different characters, although both will play a role later on.

It is kinda sad that fathers probably never get the chance to meet their daughters.

Not that family bonds matter much, since Loroi do not truly have parents, since they are basically raised by multiple mothers/teachers at once.

I can only presume Loroi have their favorites who they consider their 'moms' and the others as merely 'aunts', although I doubt Loroi call them either.

Since the word mom does not connote attachment the way humans mean since the mom never raises the child for long.

Males don't have much contact with their offspring, this is neither desired (by both parties), nor would it be possible to remember hundreds of daughters (except if the father has an eidetic memory). Besides, a male doesn't have much influence on whom he is paired up with, that's an issue between the female and the caretakers.
On the other hand, pedigree is an important matter of prestige for the warriors. Females may boast about having famous fathers, and influential mothers (or their families) will make sure to pair up with high-ranking males. In the past, there should've been a dynastic component as well.

However, the males aren't simple damsels or breeding studs. There are a number of very important tasks that they need to perform. Here, a Loremaster is preparing a legend recital, for example. For that, he needs to compile a number of myths that correspond to a particular theme.

Finally, this was also a preview about the "Legend of Warrior Vengeance". Once the main fanfic is finished, I might compile this background story into a separate oneshot, similar in style to the excellent Sashrillis.

[Snoofman]

I loved the scene featuring the Farseer and the implementation of the device that amplifies her ability. And playing with the theory of telepathic frequency is also intriguing.

If you do decide to add Legend of Warrior Vengeance to Sashrillis, that would be awesome. I had been meaning to keep writing and finish at least the Snow Man legend, but I kind of lost fire. But I will make an effort to finish at least that legend as well.

[Cthulhu]

I loved the scene featuring the Farseer and the implementation of the device that amplifies her ability. And playing with the theory of telepathic frequency is also intriguing.

"Telepathic frequencies" is a really nice and easy explanation for a very complex mechanism. Perhaps too easy, and also misleading? They still have no idea what that even means. Sanzai is not radio, after all.

If you do decide to add Legend of Warrior Vengeance to Sashrillis, that would be awesome. I had been meaning to keep writing and finish at least the Snow Man legend, but I kind of lost fire. But I will make an effort to finish at least that legend as well.

At this point, the Legend is just a collection of notes, I need to finish my main fanfic first. Besides, it would also require more in-depth knowledge about Deinar's history. Arioch said that he'll compile more background information, but it might take some time.

[Bamax]

I noted midnight's cursing of he shells and the molar... that she used the word 'damn'.


This is minor, and many a reader will overlook it, but damnation is a human word that hearkens back to bible verse.

I am certain the closest Loroi equivalent would simply be "Curse the shells and the melor!"

I know that sounds kind of lame and has less force to readers, but unless using a specific known Loroi insult (which tend to be underwhelming and funny for how ticked off the Loroi are when they utter them), 'damn' is simply not a Loroi word.

Damn is linked to damnation, which in full would be 'goddamn'.

Which means literally a curse asking for God to punish a person in the harshest way permanently.

Loroi are not religious.... with the exception of Barsam converts... who also are not christian.

[Cthulhu]

Good job noticing this tiny bit of foreshadowing. The melor (undead) are actually the closest analogy to (Christian) damnation that the Loroi subculture from which Midnight originates knows. This is also the reason why Emberwing, while not knowing specific Perrein subcultures, was puzzled about the usage of this archaic expression. Normally, the Loroi are not religious, and thus do not use the concept of damnation at all. In ancient times, though, it certainly did exist.

[Snoofman]

Good job noticing this tiny bit of foreshadowing. The melor (undead) are actually the closest analogy to (Christian) damnation that the Loroi subculture from which Midnight originates knows. This is also the reason why Emberwing, while not knowing specific Perrein subcultures, was puzzled about the usage of this archaic expression. Normally, the Loroi are not religious, and thus do not use the concept of damnation at all. In ancient times, though, it certainly did exist.

Melor? Undead? I had no idea! I recall in the forums that the loroi do not engage in reenactment as entertainment because it is analogous to how muslims react to a facial portrayal of their prophet. Wonder how well they'd react to zombie movies...

[Cthulhu]

Melor? Undead? I had no idea! I recall in the forums that the loroi do not engage in reenactment as entertainment because it is analogous to how muslims react to a facial portrayal of their prophet. Wonder how well they'd react to zombie movies...

The word is in the lexicon, so I thought, why not use it? The Loroi might not be particularly religious, but they still practice a form of ancestor worship. In the less enlightened past, this was probably a much more profound issue. After all, one of the main roots of religion is the attempt to deal with the fear of the inevitable death. By constructing gods, spirits and an afterlife for the departed, people can learn to accept it as a part of the natural, or even divine order. While the Loroi do not have the concept of a paradise, they immortalize their honored heroes in the telepathically retold legends. So I've invented an archaic myth about how the dishonored could have been treated, not a true hell, but instead, a damnation through deliberate omission of their names.

Still, where does the concept of undeath come from? It could stem from some ancient legends, or misunderstood renditions of superior technology that they might have preserved.

SpoilerShow

Yet, there is an additional possibility. A telepath would attribute a telepathic signature to life, perhaps even subconsciously. So, what does happen if there's a being that lacks it completely? It might be perceived as the opposite, an undead abomination.