Writing Prompts

[orion1836]

Very true. I had figured they'd keep him a secret until the very end, leading to some VERY surprised elders.

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It's a shame the portal is dust (on the Earth side) and that Earth could never have contact prior to the canon story. I was thinking of a touching scene near the end where they accidentally figure out how to open the portal and share tearful goodbyes, only for Nathan to choose to stay or one or more of the diral elect to follow him through. A reunion of the Hutchins family would be so much more interesting if a bunch of blue girls followed Nathan out of the woods.

[Siber]

Hm. Food for future drama?

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If Beryl has soaked up all his memories accidentally, then if he insists on keeping himself on the front it'd make a lot of sense for the Loroi to transfer her to somewhere behind the lines to keep at least one repository of knowledge about humanity safe. The attachment factor would probably not be a huge consideration to military logic in the first place and Loroi logic in particular. There doesn't have to be anything more menacing than heartache, no threat of mind probes, just call her back to another post to act as an advisor/analyst about all things human.

[dragoongfa]

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Alex won't stay on the front indefinitely, once the crisis is averted he has to go to the Emperor, unless the Emperor comes to Alex. Also having a general human repository isn't really worth it for causing undue distress for the lone human ambassador so let's not go that route with separating the fearsome foursome.

[Werra]

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I think that's a terrific idea. Keeping Beryl and Alex on the same ship during combat is not something the Loroi can afford to do in my opinion. The most logical place for Beryl to end up in is on Duskcrowns ship, informing her staff in depth on that alien. She'd still be in system and therefore able to message Alex, so she wouldn't be gone. They would be separated physically though.

undue distress for the lone human ambassador

The human concept of a relationship is so outlandish to the Loroi, that they wouldn't consider that until it's too late.

[novius]

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I think that's a terrific idea. Keeping Beryl and Alex on the same ship during combat is not something the Loroi can afford to do in my opinion. The most logical place for Beryl to end up in is on Duskcrowns ship, informing her staff in depth on that alien. She'd still be in system and therefore able to message Alex, so she wouldn't be gone. They would be separated physically though.

undue distress for the lone human ambassador

The human concept of a relationship is so outlandish to the Loroi, that they wouldn't consider that until it's too late.

They already have a good idea what separation or a perceived threat does to them. See Beryl and Tempo. And, Stillstorm was already content with sending away these officers to Seren, together with Alex - they ended up on the Highland-7, after all.

While the concept of relationships may be alien (ha-ha) to the Loroi, they do see the effects of it - one doesn't need to know the details to recognize that a course of action could be ill-advised.

All of them have their own reasons to even ask for transferral to a newly formed diplomatic staff around Alex if talks would turn that way. Beryl is young, curious and spontaneous enough to do so, just for the unique chance to learn even more what makes humans tick, Fireblade... it would be a stretch, but he sort of earned her loyalty and respect, and Tempo.... well, we have seen that she takes separation poorly and she feels sort of duty-bound to earn back her honor. And that's best done by making amends/serving the one having wronged.

[dragoongfa]

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To be honest I really don't want to break the group and especially by putting anyone important on Duskcrown's ship for any reason.

[novius]

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To be honest I really don't want to break the group and especially by putting anyone important on Duskcrown's ship for any reason.

Same here, in a nutshell. This would break dynamics too much, I think. Maybe someone from the second lineup, given the last spoilers from Razor One and myself Brightshield would have valid reasons to do so, if she really wishes to play that game.

[Werra]

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Careful how Alex ends up characterised. If even entirely sensible separations from his friends in the line of duty cause him to make huge trouble for the Loroi, the logical recourse would be to do treat him as cryofrozen cargo. His Lotai activating because Beryl is being actively mindprobed is one thing. His Lotai acting up because a soldier of the Union is following orders is another matter. Especially if these orders don't put her in more danger than her usual duties anyway.

@Important characters on expendable ships
The way I see it, the battle for Nesel is a war deciding fight and therefore also a turning point for the story. What I mean by that is simple. The stakes need to rise to reflect that. It would make for a poor story if the characters act stupid or out of character just to spare other characters narrative trouble.
A story with a happy end is nice, a book with nothing but happy pages is boring.

[dragoongfa]

Anyway, I am currently working on the next part, it is going to be somewhat big:

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Surprise inspection by Duskcrown, who will prove herself to be quite a bitch towards the fearsome foursome; the whole charade will culminate in her promoting Stillstorm and having a small ceremony for the new admiral. If anyone has any character ideas for the Sorimi plant's of Duskcrown now it's the time to write them.

Also, the battle of Nezel won't be a deciding fight for the war; the numbers that the Umiak invested may be a good chunk of their fleet but they do have reserves and the Loroi are horribly outnumbered as they are. It will be a Pyrrhic victory at best and the campaign will end up as a defense in depth before it stabilizes with the arrival of Tellai fleet elements.

EDIT: When I mean big I mean that it will be out tomorrow, I hope.

[Werra]

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the battle of Nezel won't be a deciding fight for the war

Uh? If the Loroi lose, the Umiak divisions can punch through into poorly defended hinterland. The loss of material, population and production capacity is a huge blow to the Loroi. It's a must win for the Loroi. Did I misread the situation?

Edit: No need for a surprise inspection. SG51 seems to be docking at Nesel. That does give Alex the chance to visit one of the largest citadels in Loroi space as well.

Added something.

Just a heads up:
Beryl and Fireblade don't need to be tricked, just kept out of sending range. The only one who needs to believe the deception is Alex. Brightshield put that explicitly into her report.
Dunno how to get that to make sense now.

[dragoongfa]

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It's simply an impossible battle to win and Umiak reinforcements are undoubtedly on the way. It will be around 20 divisions against about 5 divisions plus whatever Citadels are at Nezel. Even if the Loroi do repel this attack they will be at their breaking point and the Umiak reinforcements that should be timed to follow after the gate-crusher force will break through.

Tinza Sector will suffer and someone(s) will have to take hard choices as they trade worlds and lives for time and enemy ships. Strategically speaking the Loroi will have to minimize the damage inflicted on them while maximizing the attrition damage to the enemy until a decisive battle is joined.

[Werra]

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4:1 doesn't sound that bad, actually. The Loroi are always outnumbered and manage okay. So the effective numbers might be more like 3:1. Add to that the citadels at Nezel and whatever reserves were scrambled the numbers could be closer to 2:1. Plus the Loroi are super close to resupply and the Umiak far from home and coming from a weeks long battle. In addition, reinforcements for the Loroi should be en route already. They do have strategic reserves. Word of author is that a decisive engagement would be a dicy prospect for both sides.
Really, I see lots of possible ways for the Loroi to hold Nezel. Lots of battles have been won against odds worse than 4:1 Even if they lose Nezel, making the Umiak pay dearly in lifes and time for it seems like the best thing to do. What better place to fight than heavily entrenched? The cost for the Loroi would be higher literally anywhere else should they choose to run.

Not to mention that Alex can now finally do something worthy of a main character.

Suggestions for how Alex could save the day:
Adding a human element to Loroi tactics that take the stray by surprise.
Him working to predict Umiak attack vectors, so that PD - ships can reposition to best shield fleet elements from torpedoes and gun ships.
Devising a plan to bait the Stray into attacking a seemingly weak point only to lose valuable assets to Wave Loom.
Repositioning Tempest and other ships with Wave Looms so during battle, that the most amount of time is gained.

[dragoongfa]

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The victor of a battle isn't who stands on top after the dust settles but who gains the most from the fight. If the Umiak have trashed the entire frontier defense of the Tinza sector (bar Azimol for the time being) then it doesn't matter if they loose every ship on the fight for Nezel, all they need to do is punch through there and start burning worlds at will while keeping the pressure up on the rest of the front.

The Umiak have undoubtedly invested heavily in this assault and the follow up forces are bound to be in close (10 days off perhaps), they will be followed by a sizeable supply contingent and they will be under orders to focus on critical infrastructure. In turn the Loroi main fleets are badly out of position. From the Loroi warships page we know that the bulk of the Loroi fleets are in the Seren and Maiad sectors. Seren being the primary front with Maiad being a strategic staging point if I judge the map correctly.

The defense of Tinza sector undoubtedly relied heavily on farsense and the superior strategic information it offers. An offensive of 30+ divisions with a follow up force to exploit the breakthrough would be detected at least weeks (if not month+) in advance and the Loroi would move their fleets in position to not only offer a decisive battle but to also surround and annihilate such an armada.

With farsense out of the picture the Loroi defensive plan falls through. For all we know, due to light speed lag, the Emperor and the rest of the Empire have just barely learned of the arrival of the gate-crusher force at Leido. It will take at least 3 to 4 weeks for reinforcements to start arriving in sufficient numbers to combat the Umiak forces. That will be a lot of time to inflict damage on the Tinza sector.

[entity2636]

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Unless I'm missing something or y'all have a realy ground shattering catastrophe the fallout of which will be felt for a long time, the little cryses the charachters have between them appear to solve themselves surprisingly quickly.

To be honest, I think soon something realy bad must happen to someone important to the story *I'm looking at you, Beryl darling*. It would be good if it was the result of Alex f*cking up, or, with the mizols playing their games, it could be Brightshield's experiment going horribly wrong. Let's consider. Beryl has most if not all of Alex's memories buried inside her memory and even though she can't consciously access them, the fact alone makes her a target for dissection and Alex - useless for a loroi supremacist of an admiral. Emperor's orders? Oops, he didn't make it, sorry, but look at all this intel we have.

So to keep Alex important, Beryl either has to die or at least end up with a hole in her head, coma and memory loss, maybe even permanent damage. Brightshield still sees herself as invincible and is terribly jealous at Beryl. It wouldn't be outside the possible for Brightshield to remove her competition either by killing her outright or arranging for her to have an accident. She wouldn't dare to plot against Fireblade and sees Tempo as out of the fight.

In the other corner I could also see Tempo who's blindly in love with Alex, who now doesn't return it anymore, plotting to eliminate any competition even if she herself ends up dead in tbe end, she is the femme fatale with half of her personality traits blanked out in her file, who knows how dark and twisted she realy is... Spy vs. Spy while the Union burns, anyone?

[dragoongfa]

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In such a case Alex ends up working for the Umiak by default, killing and torturing your own for a 'nebulous' information gain isn't something that someone just does. It's treasonous as it betrays the basic social contracts that societies function upon. Beryl is a warrior of the Loroi Union, her being tortured and killed without just cause is a treasonous act that erodes the social fabric of the caste system. The reason traitors are universally despised is because they betray their own kind, Duskcrown and any other Loroi causing harm to one of their own warriors is a betrayal and won't go well for any honorable warrior that learns of this.

Furthermore torturing and/or killing Alex is a declaration of war, he is a recognized diplomat. That can't be just glossed over.

[Werra]

@dragoongfa

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See, the Loroi and Umiak have fleets sufficiently close in strength that decisive, war deciding moves by both sides are risky for both sides. If I remember correctly and I do very much believe so, that evaluation included the loss of farsensing.
The Loroi also have a courier network set up. It takes a few hours at most to prepare a jump and Seren is not that many jumps away. The Emperor must have known about this offensive for two weeks or more by now.
How can you tell the fleet positions from the warship page? From the map it should be pretty even between Seren and Tinza. While Seren seems to have a larger front, Tinza has less of a puffer between the frontlines. Maybe I missed something?
Even if only very few reinforcements are incoming, fighting at Nezel is still the tactically most sound decision. There is no better place to fight at. Giving up all the defensive works would be a huge waste. If Nezel only lasts for 10 more days, that is still 10 days for the sector to prepare and evacuate billions of people and important production and 10 days more for the Loroi fleets to reposition. I'm afraid running away makes no sense. Losing 5 divisions is a small price to pay if it means a new defensive line further behind can be formed (or better prepared).
We have also written us into a corner, kind of. Remember Gora Relay and Tizaba depot? Well, the losses those installations with SG51 inflicted on the Umiak were significant. Several divisions worth. Gora Relay type stations often serve as satellites to larger bases -such as Nezel. The numbers are not unwinnable for the Loroi the way the story is set up.
Speculating about this is all very interesting, but I don't see how surrendering the system to the Umiak would do anything to help the Loroi, even if the fight is doomed.

@entity

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Keeping Alex important should be Alex challenge in this story. So far most of his troubles seem to have solved themselfes or were solved by others. Latest example: Brightshield getting chewed out for suggesting something that might require Alex to accept personal discomfort in the future. I can't even remember the last time Alex overcame a challenge with his own abilities. His ruse at Gora Relay?

@Alex siding with the Umiak
Not this again. Killing and torturing their own isn't what the Loroi did. Alex is literally blocking parts of Beryls brain. She wasn't even able to give up the information willingly. Imagine if your last one night stand would make it so that you were unable to talk about the size of his penis. Alex is a walking horror and right now, literally and figuratively mindraping Beryl and none of the Loroi have picked up on it yet.

[Brent7s]

as for the Umiak the whole Idea was a Blitz attack smash the Loroi forces in the sector so fast due to the Lotai keeping the Loroi farsenseing from detecting the fleets approach and reacting to it... The longer 51st and the other fleets don't die the less chance the Umiak have in completing their goal for ending the war. its like the battle of the Bulge in WW2. the Germany wanted to punch thru the allied lines and take the main port that all allied supply and troops where using, by doing that they allied armies would die on the vine as it where without resupply. My minds eye just sees the Stray contacting Stillstorm again and asking her to surrender and after learning some history from Alex she just gives the best reply to Its offer...."Nutz."

[novius]

Just a heads up:
Beryl and Fireblade don't need to be tricked, just kept out of sending range. The only one who needs to believe the deception is Alex. Brightshield put that explicitly into her report.
Dunno how to get that to make sense now.

Telepathy (not only in Outsiderverse) is inherently truthful, as in, it is very difficult to convey a deliberate falsehood in sanzai - here, only the Mizol can do it convincingly to an extent. So if Beryl and Fireblade's cooperation is needed to 'play along', they themselves need to believe that the threat scenario is real - else the idea 'it's just a drill' would bleed over to Alex, too, defeating the whole purpose.

Second, a fire on the ship or them being exposed to another hazard (radiation, toxicity, ...) or just having Alex believe they'd be would not be reason enough to raise his shields. In fact that would even be counter-productive to, say, rescue efforts. It would have to be another telepathic assault, and this is definitely NOT something Alex would feel like jesting about. Again, compare that to a situation where you see your wife being held at gunpoint, and then the assailant removing the gun, saying "ha-ha, it was just a test to see how you react" - this is something I would definitely not even tolerate from close friends, and definitely deserving a fist to the face. NO ONE threatens to (mind-)rape your wife would get away with this scot-free. And that's not a theoretical consideration, Alex was on the verge of inflicting serious bodily harm on or even kill (Beryl's words) Tempo, frak consequences, just because of the stunt she pulled. Another time he might even feel less restraint.

Add to that, intellectually Beryl may see the resoning behind such experiments, but she, or especially Fireblade, would definitely see that kind of treatment as dishonourable towards an ally (and a friend) and it would put too much at risk - Alex's trust - for too little gain. This is the kind of experiments you conduct on someone where you don't care about his feelings or even well-being any more, and Alex would definitely take the consequences from something like this.

People don't need to jump off a cliff to see if the fall (or rather the impact at the end of the fall) would kill them. Well, most don't need to, the others end up as Darwin Awards.

[novius]

First, this isn't supposed to be Game Of Thrones where the main characters are offed one by one in the most grisly and imaginative ways.

Second, Alex without a cadre of close friends/confidantes? I could see only a few ways how this turns out.

1. Either with him as a Gary Stu, single-handedly solving all the problems the Loroi have. earning their eternal gratitude. For starters, no one likes Gary Stu, the little brother of Mary Sue. Then, question, why should he, if they continually mistreat him, especially if he has other options at his disposal?
2. Him actually fleeing with maybe one of his most loyal friends (Beryl, most likely, her youth and idealism would leave her disgusted over the way the Loroi are treating him, too) and making his way back to human space to warn the humans of the Loroi and their untrustworthiness. Perhaps the Barsam or any other species suffering from the war would be of help, though maybe not for free.
3. Him committing suicide, perhaps sabotaging the Tempest to blow up or be destroyed in an oncoming battle. Beryl may have all the intel a low-ranked Ensign would have, but damn he would help the Loroi getting hold of more.
4. Him completely foundering, his importance being reduced to one of 'yet another analyst and strategist'. And that would make for a rather boring story.
5. The Loroi starting to see him as expendable and dangerous and either putting him on ice or outright executing him.

Even if alternative 2 is the most palatable, it would take the story in a direction not many would be comfortable with, I think. Without his friends and surrounded by Loroi he simply lost trust in he had no choice as to consider himself as a P.O.W. with the wishes to be either extradited/exchanged or brought in front of their leader. Twice now he was already at that point, and it would get increasingly difficult to get him out of that corner.

[dragoongfa]

@Werra

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By my rough estimation the story is currently four to five days after the events of the Gora Relay. Not enough time to prepare a proper response from the Loroi side and perhaps not enough time for the certain parts of the Empire to have learned of the Umiak attack at the first place.

The way the courier network works is like this: A courier jumps in system, it transmits its message and then the relay receives it, instructs one of its couriers to jump and transmit the message in turn. This means that the message falls victim to both light speed and jump preparation lag. Due to the number of jumps and the different distances between the relay I can't be sure of how much time it would take for the message alerting about the attack to be received at Seren but with some eyeballing I would put the number somewhere between 2 to 3 days.

I also think that you misunderstood me, the battle of Nezel will happen but it will be a delaying action and Nezel will have to be eventually abandoned once Umiak follow up forces show up (eyeballed it by putting them 10 dyas out). That's when the defense in depth for Tinza sector will happen.