Outsider humor thread

[Urist]

I figure that repurposing a lot of 'lawyer jokes' into 'Fireblade laughs at Umiak suffering' jokes fits relatively well. Also, I suspect that Loroi PTSD hits like an absolute *truck*, so perhaps it's for the best that she can deflect it into heroic-comedic sociopathy.

[Snoofman]

I figure that repurposing a lot of 'lawyer jokes' into 'Fireblade laughs at Umiak suffering' jokes fits relatively well. Also, I suspect that Loroi PTSD hits like an absolute *truck*, so perhaps it's for the best that she can deflect it into heroic-comedic sociopathy.

Fair enough.

I think any Loroi’s usual reaction to Umiak suffering at this point in the war is to pull up a chair and crack out the popcorn.

[Krulle]

And if the Umiak suffering happens through depressurisation, the popping happens live....


But are there even Umiak "civilians"?
For me, their society sounds somewhat like an insect hive, everyone knows their job and does that to get the whole war machinery running.

[Urist]

True, and it's also possible that there's not really Umiak 'children,' either; if they're vat-grown or the like and popped out only when they're ready to do the job they were grown for, they'd likely be fully-formed adults by the time you'd ever see them outside of such a facility. Likewise, from what we've seen of the Umiak they might not even bother evacuating any non-combatants from a system about to be overrun, if they felt that it would just be cheaper to print some more Umiak elsewhere instead.

But viewed from the other lens, Loroi warrior-castes tend to look down on civilians, so perhaps her referring to Umiak 'civilians' wasn't a "oh those poor, unarmed victims" but rather a condescending "those cowards didn't even *try* to fight back" angle. And since the Loroi presumably don't have an illustrated, extensive "Guide to the various life-stages of the Umiak" textbook, she may have misidentified a smaller Umiak form (maybe one grown to crawl around their equivalent of Jefferies tubes) as a 'child.'

Either way, it works for the purposes of the joke.

[QuakeIV]

I mean, they clearly have noncombatants. Whether we can assume that any given Umiak noncombatant is a nice dude with a cool minecraft server or whatever is I think unknown.

[Krulle]

I definitely enjoy the joke anyway.

:)

Didn't want to criticise much in that way, just my OCD didn't stop me from starting an off-topic discussion again.
sorry.

[Demarquis]

"I figure that repurposing a lot of 'lawyer jokes' into 'Fireblade laughs at Umiak suffering' jokes fits relatively well."

So that's where you're getting them! Interesting...

[Urist]

Admittedly, most lawyer jokes require cultural backgrounds to work that just aren't present in the Outsider setting. But some still can fit. For example:

Fireblade: <What do you call twenty dead Umiak at the bottom of a cliff? 'A good start!'>

--

Anyways, here's a more original one.

Doranzer Mazil (Clinical Psychologist): <You know why this meeting was arranged, Teidar Pallan?>

Fireblade: <The Torrai back at headquarters think I'm too good at my job?>

D-M: <...they were alarmed by reports of your habit of violently smashing open the bodies of the Umiak crew in your path, yes. There are less bloody ways of killing.>

Fireblade: <But few as satisfying.>

D-M: <...perhaps a mind exercise would help you focus on less savage thoughts. After the war is won, what posting would you seek?>

Fireblade: <Garrison duty on an occupied Umiak world. I feel that I would be well-suited to helping them learn to interact more openly and personably with alien species.>

D-M: (valiantly trying to keep her doubt out of her sanzai) <What makes you so well-suited for that task? Your experience as part of the team making first contact with humanity?>

Fireblade: <No, because you just said that I'm experienced at getting Umiak to come 'out of their shells!'>

[QuakeIV]

[Urist]

Loroi are usually left-handed. Therefore, keep in mind while we all ponder just *who* destroyed the Bellarmine that while the Umiak are alien and inscrutable... the Loroi are Sinister.

[Urist]

Incidentally, every time I read "Loroi Union" I picture Tempo, Fireblade, Beryl, Reed, and the rest standing around, wearing high-visibility vests and leaning on their shovels while Cloud digs a trench.

Loroi Union work.jpg (96.44 KiB) Viewed 102754 times

Stillstorm: <This is really the most efficient way to accomplish this task?>

Tempo: <Correct.>

Stillstorm: <What about her?> *gestures to Fireblade* <Can she really not telekinetically blast a trench?>

Tempo: *Shakes head* <Union rules. Her job title is 'telekinetic specialist,' but using her powers counts as twice-pay overtime. It's better to have the intern do the work.>

Stillstorm: *walks away* <Back in my day...>

[Demarquis]

"...while Cloud digs a trench."

That she will later be buried in.

[GeoModder]

"...while Cloud digs a trench."

That she will later be buried in.

An interesting thought there.

What happens with bodies (or objects of any other kind) that are ejected from a ship during hyperspace transit?
Arioch said that a transit does take some time from the perspective of outside clocks, even if it feels nearly instantaneous for people on the ship.

[Urist]

Interesting question. Given that the hypderdrive system described for Outsider works as an essentially 'ballistic' course after the ship jumps, and that *staying* precisely on that course is very important, I'd imagine that much would depend on just how energetically one ejected anything out of the ship. If the mass were thrown 'laterally' without much energy, then it would probably re-enter realspace in the same system as the ship. If you *really* launched it, then possibly you'd never see it again (libera te tutamit ex infernis, etc. etc.), and if you tried launching a large-enough mass, your *ship* would miss the target and end up where they won't need eyes to see.

That said, Loroi traditionally burn bodies rather than bury them, so poor Cloud would more likely get chucked into the nearest star than tossed into a trench. Although 'ejected into hyperspace' might conceivably be viewed as a particular privilege for the remains of especially-worthy individuals simply because of the additional complexity, vaguely akin to how famous humans often end up buried with elaborate gravestones or even outright mausoleums.

[SVlad]

I really doubt anything can be ejected from ship during jump. As description says "The jump is nearly instantaneous, so there is not much you can do while in hyperspace."
In that context "nearly" likely meaning interval only atomic clock can measure.

[QuakeIV]

Seems we may need some more holes dug soon

[Urist]

Well, they're in a compartment full of explosives. Creating a lot of holes, real quick, isn't going to be much of a challenge!

[GeoModder]

I really doubt anything can be ejected from ship during jump. As description says "The jump is nearly instantaneous, so there is not much you can do while in hyperspace."
In that context "nearly" likely meaning interval only atomic clock can measure.

I had thought of an automated process. Ship jumps, and a milli-second after one or the other airlock with some stuff in it opens its outer door.

[QuakeIV]

Wouldn't have time to go anywhere.

[Snoofman]

What’s every Listel got on her mind?

SpoilerShow

A lot!