Outsider humor thread

[Keklas Rekobah]

Did you hear about the Loroi air-freshener?

If you think about it, it only makes scents.

[Keklas Rekobah]

Fireblade and Tempo are wandering around a county fair on their first visit to Earth when they notice the psychic's tent.

Wordlessly, Fireblade marches inside with Tempo following close behind, and motions for the reading to begin.

The psychic begins, "I see a young man . . . close to you . . . brown hair . . . big nose . . . meeting a horrible death!"

Fireblade forces a smile, and nods toward Tempo.

"My friend has just one question."

"Go on", says the psychic.

"Will she be acquitted?"

[G. Janssen]

Why did the Vogon jump out of the airlock?

It was forced to listen to Umiak poetry.
---
Why were humans banned from entering Historian space?

A Historian construct that was sent to Earth to gather data on Humans discovered social media...
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The 2167 Guinness Book of Interstellar Records states that the record for the longest conversation between two individuals ever is held by a Barsam priest and a Jehova's Witness trying to convert one another.
---

[Krulle]

Guys, I am not as creative as you are.
But man, you've definitely got the gist!

The one in the hotel room is how counter-espionage demasks Human spies in Loroi territory.


Not going to comment on the Vogon one besides that I like it very much.

Why were humans banned from entering Historian space?

A Historian construct that was sent to Earth to gather data on Humans discovered social media...

It is still missing, although it is reported that it's still posting something now and then.

The 2167 Guinness Book of Interstellar Records states that the record for the longest conversation between two individuals ever is held by a Barsam priest and a Jehova's Witness trying to convert one another.

...and they discussed heavily ever after.

[Snoofman]

How do you spot a Teidar amidst a crowd of loroi? Close your eyes and see whose the brightest.

[AlB]

A Loroi walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Why so blue?”

[AlB]

Not a joke, but can you imagine the Loroi advertisement industry? Commercials streamed right into your brain anytime, anywhere. Hopefully they regulate that. But even if they do, the out-of-band spam could drive you nuts. “Hi, I’m a Barsam prince. I’m trying to get to Deinar. I’ve paid this Loroi to communicate for me at great personal risk..”

[G. Janssen]

It is still missing, although it is reported that it's still posting something now and then.

Lol. But I meant that upon discovering the open sewers that Twitter, Facebook, Gab, Reddit, etcetera are, the Historians quickly determined that the content of those platforms showed the true nature of Humans, thus they issued a permaban.

[G. Janssen]

Not a joke, but can you imagine the Loroi advertisement industry? Commercials streamed right into your brain anytime, anywhere. Hopefully they regulate that. But even if they do, the out-of-band spam could drive you nuts. “Hi, I’m a Barsam prince. I’m trying to get to Deinar. I’ve paid this Loroi to communicate for me at great personal risk..”

The panels where Alex is inside Fireblade's nightmare suggests that it's not possible to determine the direction a message was sent from. This would make it hard to pinpoint the source. A familiar person sending would possibly be identified. But what if it's from an unknown person?
I can totally see some Loroi kids pulling a prank by hiding behind a restaurant and projecting a very intense image incl. smell of a pile of sh*t in a 50 meter radius, much to the joy of dining guests.

[dragoongfa]

In order for such a prank to work the recipients would have to both 'accept' the message and for the ones sending it to be proficient enough to 'hide' their mental signature from those around them.

[Keklas Rekobah]

Questions . . .

When a Loroi undergoes hypothermia, what color do her lips turn?

When a Loroi musician feels sad, does she sing the pinks?

When a Loroi discovers something new, is it cyandipitous?

Do Loroi warriors wear trousers because they have blue genes?

[Keklas Rekobah]

Q: How many Loroi does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, because . . .

• Fireblade would use her telekinesis to put the new bulb into Alex's hand and 'nudge' him toward the light socket.

• Tempo would use her telepathy to enter Alex's dreams and urge him to change the bulb.

• Beryl would smile, play with her hair, and ask Alex if he thought it was dark in here.

• Stillstorm would just say, "Someone get 'IT' to replace that boirin light bulb right now!!"

[G. Janssen]

Questions . . .

When a Loroi undergoes hypothermia, what color do her lips turn?

Which ones?

Do Loroi warriors wear trousers because they have blue genes?

No. It's because of assthetics.

[Keklas Rekobah]

Questions . . .

When a Loroi undergoes hypothermia, what color do her lips turn?

Which ones?

The female ones, of course.

[Mercy Machine]

What do you call Beryl driving a truck?

SpoilerShow

A loroi in a lorry.

[G. Janssen]

What do you call Beryl driving a truck?

SpoilerShow

A loroi in a lorry.

I wonder what Trudeau would call her...

[Mercy Machine]

Boring politics references are boring. And Beryl would never have anything to do with those numpties.

[raistlin34]

Q: How many Loroi does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, because . . .

• Fireblade would use her telekinesis to put the new bulb into Alex's hand and 'nudge' him toward the light socket.

• Tempo would use her telepathy to enter Alex's dreams and urge him to change the bulb.

• Beryl would smile, play with her hair, and ask Alex if he thought it was dark in here.

• Stillstorm would just say, "Someone get 'IT' to replace that boirin light bulb right now!!"

you could write a sitcom comedy with those five.

[G. Janssen]

After having finished their first ever concert on Earth, the members of well known dazzrokband Don't Panic! Human Jon Stassen, Neridi Bleebo (saxophone & tuba), Loroi Sunset and Umiak Ktiklikkuklikitiklikitik 42 Klikitkitiklik ("Klik" for friends) were approached by a fascinated fan.

"Hi! I just want to say that your music is amazing! And it's fascinating that Klik can produce such a wide range of percussion sounds using his mandibles and shell only. But I do have one question. What is the reason that you put the drummer in the front? On Earth, it's tradition that the drummer is in the back."

"Drummer?" John responded while frowning. "Klik is our lead singer."

[G. Janssen]

Boring politics references are boring. And Beryl would never have anything to do with those numpties.

Being surrounded by dozens of impressively built males, each fascinated by her and in command of a large and interesting looking land transport vehicle, Beryl could no longer resist the urge and eagerly began to honk their horns.