I'll admit that I did not strive for the utmost realism in this situation (I doubt I will be able to keep the lore as straight as most other fanfics), though I'm still curious on what seems implausible? Just so I can consider how to improve in future stories.
No, I meant that the dream, just as it should be, mixes up various impressions and memories to form a fantastic amalgam. You are portraying that quite good, it's just about implausible and confusing enough to be "realistic" and captivating.
The rehydrated turkey (and the loud fan in the opening of the chapter) were inspired by a podcast about what simulated astronauts have to go through. It is called "The Habitat," about a year-long simulated Mars mission (with non-NASA volunteers) to research what that experience might be like. I'll warn people that they have a whole section on waste disposal and issues dealing with it from the actual NASA program (in zero gravity with all of the difficulty that entails).
I've heard about that project, but for my fanfic, I went with 3D food printing. It's an actual technology, not only for food, but possibly even for replacement organs.
Interesting on the food technology - I've heard of the concept of food printing but not that it had moved beyond a conceptual idea. I don't think I found much on how advanced humanity should be in the Insider (which is maybe just that I am bad at researching). From some of Arioch's comments, I got that sense that humanity should be more advanced "realistically" but are not because it changes the story concept - it becomes less about how odd the loroi are and more about how odd the humans are. I also have no familiarity with Traveller, so I'm not sure how much background the tech levels in that provide for what we would expect to see. Not sure how much into technology on the human side I am going to get in the dream.
That is one of the reasons I delayed reading your fanfiction, though I am enjoying it - it just becomes a weird reversal where I am more familiar with the loroi culture/characters than the human ones.
My fanfic features a different, more advanced Humanity, thus its level of development is irrelevant to the comic's Terran tech level that your fanfic uses. Besides, Arioch uses a "homebrew" version of the GURPS system anyway.
I think that Arioch avoided going into specifics on purpose. It's not relevant enough for the story, but it is quite difficult to write. A fictional race that you create from scratch is easier to invent.
What I'm writing is a role reversal, where Humanity is seen as odd, at least as far as the Loroi can perceive it.
Well, who would've though that Human-Beryl would suffer from the foot-in-mouth disease and fail at flirting? And no motorcycle ride, either?
Maybe she finds conversation is a lot easier when you can just ask about his customs and blame any misunderstandings on cultural differences? Or she is busy thinking about how to explain the dream when she wakes up - though honestly, I would think most of the loroi would tell her to go further in the interests of cultural exchange and understanding. It is probably better for her to not understand that she is missing out on getting to hold Alex tightly for her own safety - the government of Mars is cruel in their anti-alcohol views
A hundred meters below surface? That's deep, man.
Interesting slice of life for the 22nd century Mars, I wonder who Beryl will bet on or if Gary shall survive until sunrise.
The people might be a bit paranoid about the surface - maybe I overdid it a bit with not researching that part
Beryl did at least get a (semi-romantic?) cab ride with Alex through a (televised) sunset, even if the radio programming left something to be desired for ambience. I also wonder how much of Beryl follows the rules in the webcomic - hopefully I'm not depicting her too poorly.
Her depiction is good. Additionally, there's this convenient loophole of this being a dream and her personality being "humanized" by (presumably) Alex.
As to the depth, it's a bit deep. If I remember it right, 5 meters should be the minimum to protect against radiation, so how about 10 or 15?
I'm caught up on the latest chapter. It's intriguing. I love the casual drive into the city and how Lynne (Beryl) is getting exclusive exposure to life on Earth. But getting a look at Alex's actual mission and realising there's a risk humanity might choose the Umiak over the Loroi puts Alex and the TCA in a dangerous position if Beryl discloses this information to her superiors.
I'm caught up on the latest chapter. It's intriguing. I love the casual drive into the city and how Lynne (Beryl) is getting exclusive exposure to life on Earth. But getting a look at Alex's actual mission and realising there's a risk humanity might choose the Umiak over the Loroi puts Alex and the TCA in a dangerous position if Beryl discloses this information to her superiors.
Glad you are enjoying it! Hope the pace of updates aren't too much - I'm still looking forward to the next part of your story. I like the tension of Beryl having to figure out what to do with the dream (and her having to hide that she is worried about that in the dream) - though this was all outlined back before Beryl was holding a gun on Alex but I didn't want to change it from my original idea.
Next part is up - hopefully it is not too much of a wall of text, I didn't want to drag it out over two updates. Brief spoilers:
SpoilerShow
Thanks to entity2636 for his forum contributions over the years - they helped with many of the points for this part. I'm sure he'd have way more to add if the mizol have not gotten to him
Yeah, that's a level above the other pieces. Excellent writing that makes the wait well worth it. Or maybe even dwarfs the previous pieces.
SpoilerShow
However, I don't know whether you've intended for it, but that was a highly manipulative speech. Normally, if I'd hear something like that from a "free" radio or any other source, I'd immediately label it as propaganda. Then, I would begin digging for information about its roots, associations and sponsors.
I realize they are coming on very strong in the speech.
I couldn't figure out a good way to cover it in the story, but Radio Free Ares has been hosting a fairly neutral debate on the issue from slightly after the TCA announced the existence of the Loroi Union and Umiak Hierarchy and the need for humanity to choose. Due to their view of human history, they focus more on the morality (as they see it) of the choice rather than the strategic and survival implications of the choice. Their views have gone back and forth between the umiak and loroi but were fairly non-committal as more information has been made available. Now they seem to feel they have enough information to choose a side based on those moral principles.
In our sad reality, there are no such things as neutrality or moral principles the media abides by. Even if somebody claims that they are promoting free speech, democracy and so on, all too often are they funded to be the opposite, with few exceptions. Sorry for my professional habits spilling over into this fictional universe...
SpoilerShow
Do they not even realize that all information that the TCA has is, for the most part, utterly biased? The Orgus knew little of the Union and most of it came from the Umiak, distorted into a "Blue Scare" to present themselves in a better light. The information the Hierarchy distributed about themselves would try to paint it the other way round, to make them look like benevolent overlords and protectors, not harsh slavemasters.
The part about the supposed conspiracy against a "peace-loving" Emperor in order to continue the war is an especially insidious piece of propaganda. I'd give the Umiak or Loroi traitor who twisted it that way my professional praise.
I'm not really criticizing you, quite the opposite, but if I were to be a TCA official, I'd start to look for a bug in the system. A literal bug, that is. Or is that what you are aiming for?
Oh she's taking calls, huh? Well I'll bet Beryl will give her a piece of her mind.
Well done intellectual chapter!
One thing that confuses me though. Is Deimos supposed to be an actual goddess in this scene? Or some weird podcast host that advertises herself as a goddess like the weirdos on Tiktok or Twitch... or Youtube?
In our sad reality, there are no such things as neutrality or moral principles the media abides by. Even if somebody claims that they are promoting free speech, democracy and so on, all too often are they funded to be the opposite, with few exceptions. Sorry for my professional habits spilling over into this fictional universe...
SpoilerShow
Do they not even realize that all information that the TCA has is, for the most part, utterly biased? The Orgus knew little of the Union and most of it came from the Umiak, distorted into a "Blue Scare" to present themselves in a better light. The information the Hierarchy distributed about themselves would try to paint it the other way round, to make them look like benevolent overlords and protectors, not harsh slavemasters.
The part about the supposed conspiracy against a "peace-loving" Emperor in order to continue the war is an especially insidious piece of propaganda. I'd give the Umiak or Loroi traitor who twisted it that way my professional praise.
I'm not really criticizing you, quite the opposite, but if I were to be a TCA official, I'd start to look for a bug in the system. A literal bug, that is. Or is that what you are aiming for?
You are almost certainly correct on how media should be viewed.
SpoilerShow
Radio Free Ares questions some TCA policies (both popular and unpopular) while defending others that are unpopular in the public perception and pushing very hard for government transperancy. They were generally against military expenditures until the news the orgus brought was released but always supported expanding the scout program. As such, they are viewed as mostly neutral among people who evaluate things as a spectrum from pro to anti government, as does their general stance of being in favor of an open-minded pursuit of the truth while not abandoning one's principles for expediency. Based on what you've said, this description probably rings a lot of alarm bells in your head
One thing I was wondering for this part is how much the umiak would go in for propaganda for other species, but I figured it would be more interesting for them to be effective at figuring out what sounds good to most species than to have them be too ham-fisted with it. I think most umiak would view the propaganda as overly complicated, with their thoughts on why they do things as: we need to sacrifice all of this so we can wipe out the loroi and then be safe (with the loroi being the latest entry on the form, with the previous entries such as their enemies on their homeworld crossed out). But they probably have some umiak who can focus disturbingly well on it (and they have the resources and morality to have disturbingly intense "focus groups" for review if they want to). Some of the idea for the "peace-loving" Emperor can be blamed on the loroi - my theory is that the umiak picked up the conspiracy theories about Greywind from the loroi and adjusted them to be more favorable to the umiak.
Thanks for the praise - I really wasn't sure how well I could write this part.
Oh she's taking calls, huh? Well I'll bet Beryl will give her a piece of her mind.
Well done intellectual chapter!
One thing that confuses me though. Is Deimos supposed to be an actual goddess in this scene? Or some weird podcast host that advertises herself as a goddess like the weirdos on Tiktok or Twitch... or Youtube?
Glad you liked it - I wasn't sure how well the argument would go over. I'll have to think on Beryl's response.
The audience of the show view Deimos (and Phobos) as actual people pretending to be goddesses as an act for hosting this show. The general public does not know who is behind the voices or where the studio is. For their actual nature - goddesses running a radio program would be as odd as an alien having a dream about humans right?
This chapter was written very well, even though it kind of overshadows the quite lengthy prologue.
This thing about pretending to be goddesses is an old habit of radio shows for decades, especially the late-night ones. It predates Youtube and the trash sites.
SpoilerShow
Radio Free Ares is simply not inquisitive or critical enough.
Who leaked that information and for what purpose. Is it really complete or were parts of it perhaps omitted and if so, for what purpose. How was said information acquired in the first place and from what source. That requires some serious, in-depth analysis, perhaps even from multiple experts.
Then, the information itself can also be scrutinized, for example this part about the "peace-loving" Emperor is a well-known propaganda trope and can be recognized as such.
For the lengths, do you mean Chapter 1 (prologue) vs Chapter 2 or the individual posts? I'm totally new to writing so I'm not really sure of the length for things.
I did not realize that about the old shows - I was inspired by a modern-day homage to an old-time radio show but did not realize they were basing that part on actual old-time radio shows.
SpoilerShow
Radio Free Ares mostly relied on the LegionLeaks group to vet the information they presented - I'm not sure if anything has been formally released by the TCA about this other than a confirmation that the documents and data in the latest release were not changed by the hackers who obtained it. The argument that Radio Free Ares put forth is Deimos' interpretation of that data. The TCA has been very reluctant to release anything beyond confirming/denying the veracity of hacks and the fact that humanity will be discovered at some point by either the Umiak Hierarchy or the Loroi Union. This was the first revelation that the loroi had been involved in genocides, for example.
