Outsider humor thread

[G. Janssen]

I'll start.

Spock, Lyta Alexander, Smurfette, my mother-in-law and Oda Nobunaga walk into a bar.
"Oh hello, commander Stillstorm."

"Tikitik tik tikikit tik kitikitikitik"
"Alex, I didn't know humans had a device that translates human languages into that of the Hierarchy."
"We don't, Beryl. It's called a typewriter."

[Krulle]

Well, we Humans have been culturally influenced by a singing Umiak since 1953...
https://youtube.com/watch?v=nW8dGwa2zRw

Man, that.... thing... became a real iconic star in the symphony scene...

[Snoofman]

A little something inspirerad by RvB:

(Within the hangar bay of Tempest)

Talon: So then Enzin, let’s go over some basic vehicle knowledge.

Alex: Got it! Where do we start?

Talon: Here! (Points to nearby fighter) May I introduce our Light Interceptor Spacecraft. Also known as the Arrow.

Alex: Why Arrow?

Talon: Because Light Interceptor Space Craft is a bit long for conversation, Enzin.

Alex: But it doesn’t really look like an arrowhead.

Talon: Pardon?

Alex: It looks more…… like a boomerang.

Talon: What the shred is a boomerang?

Alex: you know! A boomerang! It’s a weapon that you throw and comes back to you.

Talon: …………You’re making that up!

Alex: I’m telling you it’s a real weapon!

[Krulle]

As a weapon, the boomerang did not come back. (And even less if you hit the intended target)
As a toy, it does (if thrown correctly).

But anyway, I find it better than the OP, where it took me a while to recognise it are two independent jokes. (sorry, Janssen, just my opinion)


And also, modern Light Interceptor Space Craft are better if they work as the boomerang toy, than the boomerang weapon.
You want it to return.

[G. Janssen]

The decade after the establishment of diplomatic relations with the Loroi was marked by three remarkable events: a massive popularity of fake elf ears, a record sale of blue paint and the mysterious disappearance of millions of short men worldwide.

[G. Janssen]

As a weapon, the boomerang did not come back.

This documentary about present day Australian culture and tribal greeting customs shows otherwise though.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RAHOMuiipsE

[Keklas Rekobah]

Beryl walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Why so blue?"

Ba=Dum Tssh!

[G. Janssen]

Which TV program in 2160 got the most viewers ever at the start, the lowest ratings ever afterwards and caused the host to suffer a mental breakdown?

The infamous 3 hour long Fireblade 'ask me anything' interview.

[avatar576]

Which TV program in 2160 got the most viewers ever at the start, the lowest ratings ever afterwards and caused the host to suffer a mental breakdown?

The infamous 3 hour long Fireblade 'ask me anything' interview.

I dunno, a mental breakdown on TV would probably make for pretty high ratings. Your average TV consumer isn't looking for intellectually stimulating content. They want Jerry Springer sh*tfights. I can't see Fireblade having the patience to sit through three hours of being pestered by inane questions. I can see her flinging her chair at the first person to ask about her TK abilities. That would score pretty high ratings, too.

[Snoofman]

Since loroi seem to like brain-associated jokes, like "thinking out loud", here's a crack at loroi humor:

How do loroi stay motivated?

By staying in a positive frame of mind!

[Demarquis]

Beyrl [Serious Face]: "Not funny, dude."

[Keklas Rekobah]

For his birthday, Beryl got Alex a telepathic abacus.
It's the thought that counts.

[Keklas Rekobah]

Spiral and Talon walk into a bar on Earth.

A man walks up to them and asks:

"So is it true that Loroi can communicate telepathically?"

They look at each other in silence for about 30 seconds when the man says:

"I'm sorry if that was an awkward question, it was stupid of me to ask."

They respond in unison "No it's fine, we were just discussing an answer to give you".

[Keklas Rekobah]

For my third joke, I am going to post it telepathically.

So if you think of something funny, it was me.

[G. Janssen]

For my third joke, I am going to post it telepathically.

So if you think of something funny, it was me.

So that image in my head of 30 naked, fat, running Bavarian men, a train with two juggling bunnies on top of it and a penguin invasion was you?

I liked it. It was funny. Weird, but funny.

[G. Janssen]

For his birthday, Beryl got Alex a telepathic abacus.
It's the thought that counts.

To train the strength of their psychokinetic powers, Teidar are required to do a daily workout of mental gymnastics.

[G. Janssen]

Since loroi seem to like brain-associated jokes, like "thinking out loud", here's a crack at loroi humor:

How do loroi stay motivated?

By staying in a positive frame of mind!

How do you know that your Teidar girlfriend is angry with you?

When she doesn't give you the silent treatment.

[Krulle]

How do you know that your Teidar girlfriend is angry with you?

When she doesn't give you the silent treatment.

For my third joke, I am going to post it telepathically.

So if you think of something funny, it was me.

heh, these two are the worth the thread.

Thank you.

[Keklas Rekobah]

(Note: The following allegedly occurred after our heroes arrived victorious at Deinar, and awaited an audience with Emperor Greywind...)

Alex announces that he may have telekinesis.

"Fireblade says this must be one of your pranks," says Tempo. "I am also skeptical."

"Let's do an experiment!" says Beryl.

She retrieved a siilad from a nearby plant, and placed it on a table.

"Now, let us see you push this seed onto the floor."

Alex composed himself and stared at the seed.  Many solons passed.  Suddenly, the building lurched, bouncing the seed off the table, where it rolled around on the floor and was lost underfoot.

"See?" said Alex.  "Telekinesis!"

Many glances were exchanged before Tempo spoke up.

"I have just been informed that a seismic tremor has occurred.  In reply, I have informed those concerned that we are alright."

"So you did not moved the seed?" asked Beryl.  "How disappointing."

"Ahh," said Alex.  "But who do you think caused the quake?"

[Keklas Rekobah]

A beautiful blue-skinned Loroi woman passed me a note in the hotel bar.

"Room 207" was all it said, although the heart-shaped drawing implied even more.

So I bolted my drink, made a beeline for the stairs, and quickly found room 207.

After she let me in, I told her "You are not a real Loroi, are you?"

"How could you tell?"

"When I knocked, you said 'Who is it?'"