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After many years of debate and preparation, the first Loroi-sponsored expedition to Earth arrives at its destination. "Hailing frequencies" are opened.

"This is Torrai Lashret Nimil of the Loroi Imperial Fleet vessel Barrai Nizar.  We are on a diplomatic mission to the people of Earth.  We await your response."

It is a tense moment.  First, static, and then a faint crackle...

"Orino, nin salorino" . . . Rezeipomobon is best appreciated in the original Soia-Liron Trade language.

Barsam 1: "Are our new little brothers, the humanz from Rrth, an intelligent species?"

Barsam 2: "It is possible, as they have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."

Barsam 1: "At what are the weapons aimed?"

Barsam 2: "At themselves."

Barsam 1: "Then I believe they are not so intelligent after all."

Umiak 1: "Enquiry [message ours radio] receive [humans]"

Umiak 2: "Affirmation [appending] exception label [humans] past tense Dubstep by [appending] movement rhythmic [humans] present tense [message ours radio]"

Umiak 1: "Opinion personal [humans] deficiency mental"

Snoofman wrote: ↑

Tue May 03, 2022 7:05 pm

A Swede asks a Gallen, "Why is your caste crazy?"

The confused Gallen answers back, "We are not crazy."

The Swede insists, "Yes, you are. Everyone calls you that."

"But our caste is called Gallen."

"Exactly!"

As a swede I did understand that. Gallen sounds like "galen" meaning crazy in Swedish.

Umiak 2: "Affirmation [appending] exception label [humans] past tense Dubstep by [appending] movement rhythmic [humans] present tense [message ours radio]"

That's... unmitigated genius. It simply is.

 
Tempo: "I understand you are reluctant to reach our destination.  May I know why?"

Alex: "Because I read the reviews."

Tempo: "What reviews?"

Alex: "The ones that said . . .

 
Beryl: "That was a bad science joke."

Alex: "Well, that's because . . ."

 
Alex: "I would tell Fireblade a chemistry joke, but . . .

 
Fireblade: <alex expression sadness>

Tempo: <airlock open allow return inside>

Fireblade: <bad jokes stop?>

Tempo: <hoping>

 
Alex: "Fireblade, how would you like to be the sun in my life?"

Fireblade: <!>

Tempo: "She says, 'Sure!'"

Alex: "Good.  All she has to do now is get 93 million miles away from me."

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

gaerzi wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:20 pm

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

Oh yes, dark humor.

By the way, truly dark humor is like a mating encounter, only a few will get it.

 
Beryl: "Tell me a human joke."

Alex: "But you don't understand human jokes."

Beryl: "As if human jokes are are too sophisticated for Loroi, right?"

Alex: "Okay, how's this one . . . 'Knock-knock'."

Beryl: "Is someone at the door?"

gaerzi wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:20 pm

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

That would be a kicker.

Cloud: <This really sucks. I hope it will be painless. Hmm, power level 8 ought make sure of that.>
ZAP! Poof!
(Later)
Umiak 1: Uh, hey guys...there's no pilot in here.
Umiak 2: Uh oh. It's got to be a trap. Let's get out of here and scuttle this wreck. Now.

Tempo: <Cloud, you idiot! You had ONE JOB!>

avatar576 wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 10, 2022 6:34 am

gaerzi wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:20 pm

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

That would be a kicker.

Cloud: <This really sucks. I hope it will be painless. Hmm, power level 8 ought make sure of that.>
ZAP! Poof!
(Later)
Umiak 1: Uh, hey guys...there's no pilot in here.
Umiak 2: Uh oh. It's got to be a trap. Let's get out of here and scuttle this wreck. Now.

Tempo: <Cloud, you idiot! You had ONE JOB!>

Hahaha!

That sounds like something the goofball iteration of Spiral would do in the fanfics (I doubt she is really that incompetent since she is a fighter pilot).

Such an alternate what if scenario of things going wrong would make for a good fanfic though.

Fireblade would survive as per the usual as she has already survived TWO shipwrecks.... so I doubt it's mere coincidence and some applied skill and knowledge is involved.

She would be extra grumpy when Stillstorm's crew picks her up I think.

gaerzi wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:20 pm

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

So she is still a Cloud.

And in zero g she will remain so forever.
Cloud has become immortal!


Also, I wonder if the Umiak destroy empty shuttles because they've obviously been controlled by a personality construct of that weird Historian race....

Krulle wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 10, 2022 4:09 pm

Also, I wonder if the Umiak destroy empty shuttles because they've obviously been controlled by a personality construct of that weird Historian race....

The question would be "how much do the Umiak know about the Historians' 31337 h4><><0r1ng skills, and how much they fear, or rather ph34r, them.

Because we know they're aware of the psionic powers of the Loroi and take them seriously; but that's because they've fought the Loroi. Have they fought the Historians? From this we know the Historians "offered only minimal resistance to the Umiak invaders and withdrew to the interior of their territory, abandoning systems to the Umiak" so it seems the faction preferred not to flee rather than to show how much damage they could do. Or perhaps they couldn't actually do all that much... Given what we know of the Umiak, with their extremely mathematical mind, their affinity with genetic engineering to breed specialized personnel, and their fondness for cybernetics; it's possible that the Umiak actually use living computers instead of electronics. That would make them more vulnerable to the Loroi, but less vulnerable to the Historians.

It is rather concerning that the Loroi-Historian alliance, if neither side is secretly backstabbing the other, features the specialists in hacking minds and machines... Fortunately, they are most certainly backstabbing each other. It's nigh-certainly the case for the Historians at least; the Loroi right now might be a bit too busy to scheme against the Historians...

But this is not a topic for the humor thread.

Bamax wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 10, 2022 7:38 am

avatar576 wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 10, 2022 6:34 am

gaerzi wrote: ↑

Thu Jun 09, 2022 7:20 pm

Cloud was vaporized. She will be mist.

That would be a kicker.

Cloud: <This really sucks. I hope it will be painless. Hmm, power level 8 ought make sure of that.>
ZAP! Poof!
(Later)
Umiak 1: Uh, hey guys...there's no pilot in here.
Umiak 2: Uh oh. It's got to be a trap. Let's get out of here and scuttle this wreck. Now.

Tempo: <Cloud, you idiot! You had ONE JOB!>

Hahaha!

That sounds like something the goofball iteration of Spiral would do in the fanfics (I doubt she is really that incompetent since she is a fighter pilot).

Such an alternate what if scenario of things going wrong would make for a good fanfic though.

Fireblade would survive as per the usual as she has already survived TWO shipwrecks.... so I doubt it's mere coincidence and some applied skill and knowledge is involved.

She would be extra grumpy when Stillstorm's crew picks her up I think.

I think if Spiral drew the short straw, it would go like this:
Spiral: <Aw, shred this, it is the mostest messed up!>
Spiral: ...
Spiral:
(Shoots Talon)
Spiral: